SK

My one year is approaching at the end of December. I'm getting out of town. My kids are grown, so my sisters & I are spending the week doing "sister" things. It will be after Christmas, so in the meantime, I listen to book after book on 'audible' to occupy my mind. Very helpful. When my DH passed, I also lost our very successful cafe which he ran, so I'm dealing with the anniversary of the loss of that at the same time. Talking with my very dear MIL is very painful for both of us, so we both keep that to a maximum of once a week. We love each other dearly, but have found that right now, talking with each other just brings up too much pain & have agreed to only chat weekly. For Christmas, I plan to do things that my DH & I wouldn't normally do, so his absence won't be so horribly obvious. He took such joy in Christmas, so I feel that doing the opposite of what we would normally do will be helpful.

Karin, I am SO very sorry you are experiencing this pain we all have & continue to go through! I am going on 9 months & just lived through my first wedding anniversary without my love last week. (Would've been 36 years together) please know he DOES hear your cries, your questions, your seemingly one-sided conversations, you just don't hear the responses or feel the touch in the manner in which you became accustomed to, or WANT to hear/feel them. My DH still sends me (very) small reminders in quiet ways only I would comprehend, but he IS there. I get so angry sometimes that I can't see, feel, hear him, but we just have to learn to accept our new, horrible "normal" and find ways to re-invent ourselves. I spent a 4 day weekend in a small cottage 3 hours drive away from home recently, which helped me tremendously! Just my 2 dogs & me, watching the sun rise & doing little things I've never done before. I'm not sure where I was going with this, except to say, we FEEL your pain and send hugs to you in this difficult, difficult time! Martha

I just had my first anniversary without my DH yesterday (Sept. 6). I scheduled myself to work that day, thinking it was best to be "occupied". As the day got closer, I realized there was NO WAY I could be at work, & was able to rearrange my schedule. I took the long weekend and went to a place I've never been, rented a small cottage for just me and my 2 dogs. Did some knitting, reading, sewing, took walks on the beach, drank a lot of wine, even got up in time to watch the sunrise over the Atlantic (also a first). I found it very therapeutic to be alone, not taking phone calls, just having new, first-time experiences. For someone else, that may be the worst thing to do, but getting away from our house & all the painful ...but sweet... memories helped me through the day/weekend.

I am so very sorry that you have to suffer this great loss. While there are no words or deeds that can help lessen the pain you feel and will continue to feel, I hope you can find a little support here from us all who have been where you are now. It's such a horrible shock to your entire being, enduring the loss that we all here have experienced. I have found great comfort in this community of loving people, and I hope it is a help for you as well.

Oh Kate, I'm so sorry you had such a day! There must be something with the time from which our Sweethearts left us…I was completely despondent today/this evening myself! It's not the 29th, nor is it Tuesday … who knows what the trigger was?!! I pray for a better day for both of us tomorrow! God bless you, Dear! SK

Mostly stick to my side of the bed simply because it's closer to the bathroom. Many nights though, I lie across the entire bed, feet on my side, head on Bruce's side.

Thank you Bunny. You expressed my feelings exactly! Having trouble just putting one foot in front of the other. Something as simple as making a cup of coffee in the a.m. is like running a marathon! If it weren't for my 2 dogs, many days I probably wouldn't even get out of bed. Thank goodness for them!

Thank you all for your kind, thoughtful words! Death is just so cruel! But as I'm told, "that's part of life". Ugggh! I HATE hearing that! Sounds like I'm experiencing the "anger stage" of grieving, doesn't it. =:0 Kate, I read your post from the eve of the 6 month sadiversary. We do have some parallels! But conversely, I had to make many changes early on. Because Bruce & I shared a closet, I would see his clothing hanging there, droopy, without him in them & it was a horribly painful reminder multiple times daily of his absence from my life. I kept a few special items of his clothing that are comforting to me, that I can & do snuggle with. After almost 36 years of being together (our 36th wedding anniversary is coming up Sept.6), there are LOTS of reminders of him, but for some reason, the clothing REALLY bothered me. Maybe because I was used to that clothing moving around with him & it just looked so sad, saggy, & lonely in our closet. I am so sorry for all of you/us who have to (but fortunately can) be a part of this group. Thank you again for being here and allowing me to share how I feel with people who truly understand. I wish you all peace and comfort in your lives! SK

Tomorrow, July 29, makes 7 months since the love of my life was stolen from me. So many times in his lifetime, he tempted death and it didn't come, but when we least expected it, death came with evil pain and vengeance. At 59 years of age, old to some, young to most, my dear Bruce was taken from me and the many other lives he touched. Well-meaning friends tell me that "it'll get better", but it seems to be getting more difficult to handle & the pain is more intense than ever! We had to close our young cafe a week before Bruce passed, just as it was about to have its first profitable month. It took days, which seemed like weeks, but I got Bruce to talk about our mutual loss, letting him know just how successful he was by reading him notes left at the cafe door & comments on facebook. A week after closing our cafe...his dream... my dear love left this earth, and to this day, it hurts more & more every day! Is this "normal"?!!! I sometimes feel like I'm going nuts...friends, co-workers treat me as though I should be 'over this & on with my life', but I just can't seem to grasp "happy". HELP!!???

After writing that, I've made a point of talking about Bruce more and saying his name more, instead of saying, "my husband". I LOVE saying his name ... it makes him feel more....real. God, I MISS BRUCE!

Fuck the people who say, "don't say anything about her husband, he just died a few months ago. It might upset her" ! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM!!!!

I put my husband's ring over my matching wedding band when he went in the hospital in December 2015 & locked it in place with my "engagement ring" (which he gave me the day before our 9th wedding anniversary). It's been there ever since, only removing it sometimes when applying lotion...but not usually. No plans to remove them now, but no plans to never remove them, either. As everyone has said, what is in your heart is what's right for you. His ring is so big, it jingles & jangles all the time...probably bothersome to most, but it's a musical reminder of him for me.

This is my first post & I want to thank you for your help! I lost my husband 7 months ago (he was 59) and it seems to be getting MORE difficult to handle...I thought I was going crazy. I'm comforted to know it's "normal" for this to happen. I still fall apart daily and lately I feel more lost than I initially did...like I have no purpose. Our children are grown & on their own, no grandchildren in the near future. Most times I feel as though if I didn't have my 2 dogs who rely on me to care for them, I could crawl into bed & never get up again.