greeneyedshannon82

Today I will go to the first of several weddings this fall. I would have celebrated my own anniversary 10/3. My husband and I were together a few years but only married last year. I will never get to celebrate our first anniversary and now all my single friends are getting married. And what kind of friend would I be if I didn't support them and witness their new happiness? But let me tell you it is not easy. I woke up this morning planning to just lay on my couch and eat my feelings. But the tiny part of me who isn't a wreck decided to get up and just do this. I don't know how I will handle it. A year ago I was so excited, planning my own forever after. But I have to just DO this....

I'm 2 months and 8 days into this. At first I bottled everything up, because I'm the girl who always has it together. I'm the girl people come to with their problems. I do not cry. I am not weak. And people told me how strong I am, and I was just stupid enough to think maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Only now... now I'm not right at all. Loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks right at a week ago. I alienated an old friend of mine by clinging to him like panty hose fresh from the dryer. I got some joy from talking to him.... and I couldn't bear to stop. . so I drove him to the point he would no longer answer a text. After that, I have had suicidal thoughts nearly every day. No plans to carry through with that. I have two kids with no daddy. So I have no choice but to just muddle through this. And there is no one to talk to. No one gives a damn anymore because for two months I appeared to be handling things fine and now the sympathy window has expired. I don't want to be this woman. I don't want to feel these feelings. I don't see the point in living like this. .... And no one gives a SHIT.

I agree with both of you and see your point. As good as it feels to have someone to talk to who seems to care... this won't end well. I think maybe I will stop talking to him so much. Thanks for good advice

It's been 27 days since my sweet Josh died. I have a lot of friends but I have found myself talking to an old flame every single day for the last week. It's too soon to be dating and thay is not my intention. But I won't lie. I am extremely attracted to this person, and the fact that he is someone I can talk to and be honest with about the grief I am going through is adding to his attractiveness. I know it's wrong and it can't go anywhere and I feel guilty that he is the one I want to lean on. I'm still angry. I'm angry with my husband's family for the greed they've shown since he died. He had nothing and they still want to take it from me. I'm angry at my husband for leaving me. Talking to my old friend makes that worse too. I'm so angry that Josh left me. Not his choice I know.... but I find myself justifying my friendship with old flame guy, by feeding on that anger at Josh. And then I feel guilty for all of it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for the thoughts I'm having about EVERY ONE right now. I'm selfish for wanting this person. I'm selfish for being angry. Part of me just doesn't care. Or at least I don't want to care. This sucks

I was damaged goods when my husband and I found each other. He was too. We'd both been mistreated in prior relationships and really I tried to push him away but he wouldn't budge. It was easy to love him. He looked at me every day for 3 years like I was the only woman in the worls. I will never forget how it made me feel to be so loved. so admired, so wanted. He was a beautiful soul.

I don't know if it's normal or not... what's normal anyways? I lost my husband 3.6 weeks ago in a car accident, and like you I handled things much better than I expected to. Then after I thought I was ok.. I had some days where I cried the entire day. I went back to work pretty quickly. We delayed his memorial for a couple of weeks because his mother was actually the driver in the accident and she wasn't in any shape to attend the service. The two weeks leading up to that was busy and I threw myself into all the things I had to do... now though.. I'm getting into the nasty parts of the grieving process. Anger.. anger is where I am right now. The thing is we ha e to grieve in out own way. You are going to hit highs and lows. Let yourself feel it all, but don't feel guilty because you feel however you do. It's your process not everyone else's and you have to handle things your way. I'm so sorry you had to experience such loss sonyoung. I'm sure you've heard it too many times, I know I have... but there is truth in this: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Fuck finding the purest happiness just to have it snatched away in the blink of an eye. Fuck people who don't know me but pretend to care so they can get all the gossip about what actually happened. And a big Amen to whoever said FUCK the people who say they'll be there and then disappear.

So today we had a celebration of life service for my husband. He was 37 years old, beautiful, talented, sweet, everything I needed and nothing I didn't. Three weeks ago his mother came to visit him. She'd just gotten a new car after spending a year and a half without one because she nearly killed herself in a car accident Christmas day 2014. She decided to take him to the state line to buy him some beer as a gift. He was watching my kids while I worked. They got in the car and drove 8 miles to the state line to get it. Right after they pulled out of the parking lot my DH started messing with the radio, looking for the CD button. His mother was driving. She started looking for the button too instead of watching the road. She ran off the road, over corrected, rolled the car three times. My DH was thrown over 50 yards from the vehicle. My children were in the car. Thank god...thank god they were not hurt. But my husband was. My 9 year old daughter got out of the car and flagged down a car for help. They called 911 and then me. I work 20 miles from the accident site and I beat the ambulances there by 20 minutes. DH was alive when I reached the scene. He was badly broken but I thought he would make it. But it took SO long for help to arrive. The life flight helicopter arrived and was transporting him to a trauma center 80 miles away.... they lost him. He died before I ever made it to the hospital. Massive internal trauma. Cardiac arrest due to internal bleeding. My sweet wonderful husband dead at 37. His mother... alive. His mother who nearly killed herself 2 years prior and learned nothing... still wasn't careful. Still drove like a moron. Could have killed my babies. Did kill her son and the love of my life. And she has been nothing but awful since it happened. She has fought me on handling death benefits through her car insurance. She told other family members it was not her fault. I hate her. I was able to forgive her for having the accident. She did not intend for him to die. But her actions since the accident are absolutely intolerable. It should have been her life. Not my sweet husband's. I cannot forgive her attitude. I miss him every single day. I cry every single day... and she has the nerve to say it isn't her fault. ... to be angry with ME. ...... Grief is bad enough without a toxic sorry horrible person walking the earth who caused it all.