Julester3

Hugs Alma. Thank you for sharing your story. 

Grief ebbs and flows. I am at 3.5 years out and that is what I have learned mainly. I let the crying come because to bottle it up just makes it harder to bounce back. Hugs! Beautiful quilt! 

That is a beautiful tattoo. Thank you for sharing. I got one too but not as big to remind me of my husband. It helped me stay focused in the now and realize that his passing was indeed real and not imagined. 

My kids were the ones to push me to meet someone. They didn’t like the idea of me being alone. They were 13 & 17 when I started dating so our conversations centered on the guys I met and what issues I had with them. With NG, we waited 10 months before we all had dinner together with his kids. Now,we have occasional dinners and gatherings as our schedule allows. We’ve been together over a year and a half. I’m honest and I answer any questions the kids have. This relationship is for me, not for my kids. They had a father and they aren’t looking to replace him. They just want to see me happy. You might want to see if someone with younger kids can chime in with their POV. But considering the age of your kids and how they might react, I wouldn’t mention it unless they were questioning your absence and if you were getting serious. No need to hurt anyone’s feelings or sensitivity or get anyone’s hope up.

Hugs Maureen! It’s a bittersweet memory time for you. 

Today, I’m trying to keep a happy face. My youngest is turning 16 tomorrow and I’m having a gathering for her at our house. I know milestones tend to affect her so I’m trying to play to the positives and use distractive methods. Her birthday is always close to Labor Day as well as our wedding anniversary. I’ll probably go to the cemetery the morning of the day with some coffee and sit with him a bit. 

Labor Day is just not a day off, it seems...

I am so glad you are out of there! 

I’ve done all of these things after becoming a widow. I went to a wedding alone. I went to a few different wakes, funerals, and services to family friends. I had my hysterectomy as well though I had my sister to help me. I would say you could get through these things just fine but the moment you get a moment to breathe, those emotions can sabotage you and just hit you. I tended to be okay at these things because I could empathize or relate but later memories would trigger and it would just hit me and the sadness comes. I would work with the emotions to release them and feel better afterwards. Hugs for you today. These feelings don’t make you weak. They make you stronger. 

Hugs Alma! One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. We are here for you when you are ready. 

It varies for everyone. I honestly needed to be busy. I gave myself 3 weeks to go back to work. I had many a day where I had to shut the door and cry and that lasted nearly an entire year but being busy helped me gain some normalcy. 

Do you guys have a community college or tech school nearby to see if it’s something she’ll try for the time being? 

Well the good news is you didn’t leave her there and you can help her find something else. 

A very quiet summer here. NG auditioned in the spring for a play and of course he got a part. Rehearsals started in in May and builds were over the weekend so our time together has been very slim this summer. I am happy for him. Acting was something he gave up for his family. The show just closed yesterday however the kids go back to school for the both of us so it’s busy this week. Fall is busy for me since I do music boosters and volunteer for band and my daughter also plays tennis which is a fall sport. I just keep on going and insert him in when I can. Nothing new in planning ahead for us. The issue is our kids. We want our kids to finish where they are. I’ve got 3 years left but he’s got 5-8 years for his kids to finish high school. Neither of our homes can absorb all of us theoretically but it’s not like we discussed it. Oh well! 

It always seemed to come up on either the first or second date. I always got the wondering question why I was currently single. Some guys wanted to see if we’d have a commiserating commanlity like divorce , etc between our situations. I am pretty sure I put it in my dating profile but I don’t exactly remember where it was stated in the actual profile. 

I told my FIL and his wife quite soon after I started and they were supportive. The stories cracked them up. I haven’t told my MIL and her husband. We’re keeping our distance and I’m not sure how they take it. 

I agree. It’s a truly nice gesture and he was being thoughtful. Let him finish, thank him, and patch it up next time. There are always other home improvements to work on. 

I use distraction. I have music or tv on and then I crochet, sew or scrapbook. I concentrate on what I’m doing so my mind doesn’t go that dark path. I literally distract myself every day. Work is just another form of distraction. 

I think many of us start to think we can do this alone but it’s a good place to have a sounding board, a reality check, and a safe environment to share thoughts or questions with those who are going through this as well. I found many people around me not moving at my pace anymore so it’s a comfort knowing this place is here. Take is easy and be kind to yourself. 

Ah! That is a big flag there. Time to move on. Look at this as something to learn from. 

I agree with SW. You can do this. Hugs! 

This is hard. He obviously needs to figure things out because he seems to be overthinking the relationship just as you pointed out. Unfortunately it’s not you, it’s him that has to do the work. It’s up to you though if you want to give him the chance or if you’d like to move on. I know there is a fine line between being patient and knowing when you don’t want to waste time because we know time is precious. Hugs as you ponder what the next move will be and sorry I couldn’t be more help. 

This is where gut instinct needs to guide you. Unfortunately, it’s harder to read meaning through text, it is easier to spot red flags when you can see their face as they talk to you or even when you can hear their voice as they say it. 

That is gorgeous! Thanks for sharing and have a good evening with your friend!

I always have a kid in the parade so we volunteer to help the band kids stay cool and hydrated. Then we stay home in AC for the rest of the day and rest our tired selves! We decide last minute if we want to do fireworks or not. We have pets who hate them and we live pretty close to the fireworks show so it’s quite loud from our house so sometimes we simply stay home to keep them calm. 

I purchased my first major appliance last year by myself and it was the washing machine. It felt good to do the research and the purchase and then complain when the installation was sketchy. I had a great guy at Lowe’s give me options and I fixed the hoses myself. 

Last week I spent 3 hours at the DMV transferring both cars to me. Nearly everything is taken care of 3 years and 3 months after he died. 

Its great to hear some positive news. 

So sorry you are joining us here. I don’t know anything about military benefits either unfortunately. That is freaky about how you broke your leg! I hope you can take it easy and heal well. It sucks that his affairs are not in order. I experienced some of that but it’s to be expected when they never expected to pass away as young as they did. 

You do what you need to. It’s not silly! 

I hate these things. Where the kids are concerned, they lose a parent to share these milestones with. We often talk about the difficult year of firsts but for children, they have all these upcoming future accomplishments that they feel their lost parent can never share their joy with them in those moments. My daughter cried at a marching band competition because she knew she did her absolute best job yet and her dad was not there to see it. It’s heartbreaking for me to see these things and we can’t do anything about it but comfort them as best as we can. Hugs to you!

Absolutely @arneal! Life is what we make of it!