kimclerner

Hello Blue Green, I know exactly how you're feeling. I lost my husband, Matthew, suddenly and unexpectedly almost 5 months ago. Until recently, I was so traumatized by suddenly losing him that I couldn't summon up any good memories - I could only think about seeing him when he died and the tragedy that had occurred. I also obsessed about all the things I thought I did wrong and things that I didn't do, but should have. Only now is the shock beginning to wear off. I am now having flashes of memories about him and our life together - seeing people that look like him, etc. I am planning on starting a journal to record our relationship from the beginning, so that I don't forget anything.

Thank you all for your responses and your hugs.... Wheeler - your description of your husband and your observations really touched and soothed me. Your husband also sounds like a remarkable man...and I know we both loved our husbands so much. I hope, as you said, that Matthew knew how much.

Hi everybody, I've only posted here a couple of times. My sweet sweet husband, Matthew, passed away suddenly at the age of 48 on August 21st. My despair is overwhelming at times. Fortunately I have found a grief therapist who is helping me navigate through this horrendous tragedy. Like everybody here, my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. I feel regret over many things - whether he knew how much I loved him, the things I wish I had or hadn't done, etc. But there's one regret that tears me apart and that is Matthew's inner pain. Matthew was very sensitive, caring and unique. He had very definite opinions and marched to the beat of his own drum. His family never really understood him - a fact that bothered me tremendously, as he was a wonderful son and brother. I am haunted by the fact that he might not have known or understood how much people loved and valued him. Tonight, I gave our doorman his holiday tip and told him that it was from me and Matthew - the doorman (who attended Matthew's funeral) burst into tears (Matthew and he often had long conversations - in fact all of the doorman had great fondness for him) Anyway, that demonstration of emotion toward Matthew touched me so much, more so because I know Matthew didn't know his own worth. That's what haunts me and makes me cry bitter tears. I"m sorry for such a long post, but can anybody relate to my feelings of regret? and if so, how do you deal with it? Thanks for listening, Kim

Beth, I feel exactly as you do. Tomorrow will be four months since my husband, Matthew, died and my grief has intensified over the last month. My heart and soul are broken - I still can't truly comprehend that I'll never see his sweet face again. I see no end to the pain.. Kim

Hi everybody, I hope all of you got thru the holiday without too much pain. Thank you all again for your responses. Mcdc10 - I'm still looking for a group and will let you know when I've identified one. Hugs to all, Kim

Thank you all so much for your replies, compassion, kind thoughts and advice. I'm so sorry that you all have suffered such grief and heartache. I definitely think what adds to my grief is the isolation I feel - I mean, being a widow at age 51 years old - I know nobody who has lost their spouse at such a young age. It makes me feel so different and apart from all of my friends and colleagues. I have been looking for a support group that is specifically for those who have lost their spouses at a (relatively) young age. I live in NYC and believe it or not, I have yet to come across an appropriate group! It seems hard to believe that in this big city, there's no support group available. It's such a relief to be among spouses on this board who understand...Thank you all again...

Hello all, My husband, Matthew, passed away suddenly almost 8 weeks ago at the age of 48. We met in 2011 and married in 2013, so we were husband and wife only 3 1/2 years. He was not just my husband, but my soulmate. Like all of you, I am devastated by this loss and, in fact, my grief seems to have intensified in the last week or so. My crying spells are fierce, and I seem to be emitting these sounds, almost as if I'm giving birth. I am seeing a grief therapist and have plans to join a support group, but I am in such despair, I truly don't know if I can get through this soul-wrenching pain. I don't know what to do.... Kim