iloveyoualways

Ieh21, it is difficult when our children are struggling with learning and it adds to the stress of parenting for us. I understand. I have and still am going through this with my seven year old son. It is hard to watch them struggle and feel inferior when they can't get it or succeed. My son had so many teachers last year that nobody seemed to be able to get him on the right path. He struggled and after hard days at school or clinical I would fight with him over his homework. It was my job to support what the school was doing not teach him myself. So I understand how frustrating it can be. It seems like your daughter has a plan in place. I would give it some time to see if this plan helps. If not I would get her evaluated. Is there a long wait for an evaluation? If there is then put in the request now and if you see an improvement by February cancel it. If there is no or little wait then request the evaluation in February. It seems like you are doing a lot to help her now. My son got a good teacher this year with whom I spoke to about his difficulties, including his father's death and very premature birth. She put a plan in place to help him. If I had to repeat last year I don't know if I could. He still flips a lot if his numbers and letters. I dont know when that becomes a bad sign. I hope that she can continue down this new path and show some improvement. It seems like she has been struggling with this for a while. You seem to be doing a lot for her. Good luck with it.

Running with scissors, at almost five years I am starting to feel human again. In the beginning I could never believe that it would take that long as I would never survive that long without him. Or that it would take that short and life would eventually just go on. I learned not to talk about the excruciating psychological torment and physical symptoms from an unexpected loss, and all of the losses following it. Others are not comfortable with the depth of our loss and must believe that there is something broken inside if we just "can't let go and move on". I remember watching other parents before I became one and privately criticizing their parenting. I would do it differently I said to myself. We'll my child ended up worse in the store than may of the children who I saw there in the past. My biggest accomplishment in the early days was to feed, clothe, bathe, and keep my son safe. I accomplished that. And I was the only one who knew the struggle to get up. So until someone has survived widow hood they should keep their comments to themselves. It is really difficult. Thinking if you.

Ieh21, your post really spoke to me as well. It will be five years in a couple of months for me. In the beginning I had no idea how I would ever survive it or how I would ever want to without him. Every September to February was a slide down to rock bottom with our birthdays, wedding anniversary, lost pregnancy reminder, Christmas, and D day to remember. This year I found the "new normal". The sadness didn't overwhelm me. I almost have accepted it as the way that it is. As I went grocery shopping to Costco, surrounded by all the holly jolly shit of the season I just ignored it all. All of the stuff. All of the happiness. All of the happy families. My heart was not torn out in a million pieces. Maybe this is what is meant by "moving on" even though I call it "moving forward". The experiences have become memories. I never thought that it would be possible.

Hi Rob. I have no advice even though my seven year old acts like a teenager sometimes. I really don't envy those parents with teens. But widow hood is difficult with toddlers too. I always thought that I would sell my children on Craigslist when they turned twelve. Now that won't happen as he's my parting gift. Stay strong and know that you are doing the best for those girls to raise them well. Maybe one day they will see how much you love them and want what's the best for them. Hopefully it will happen while you're still here on earth to thank.

Just another poster who did not think that I would see life after 18. I suffered from depression and anxiety since about 10 years old. I only got off meds when I met my husband and we started hiking. I started realizing my potential. I wanted to have children since I can remember but I question my desire as I did not want any children of mine to suffer like I had. I decided to have children and give them a better environment. One without psychological abuse. I only started living when I met my husband. No, he was not the one I lived for but started to be proud of myself and confident. He brought out the best in me. Then he died at 34 years young. And brought my world down in an earthquake that we were not prepared for. For many years after his death I was suicidal. But I did not want to leave our young son an orphan. At almost five years I finally don't think about it. But the sadness and isolation remains. But I have also avoided my mammogram which is weird for a hypochondriac like me. It has been interesting reading everyone's experiences and honesty. I really appreciate you all.

Thank you all for your replies. Each of you had a good point. At this time I don't have the thick skin to go through it again. It's been almost five years and I am finally healing. It has never been my idea and that is why I never followed through. I've started school in 2013 so it hasn't been all that long. I had some trouble this year and had to find a job. I'm studying part time with a potential full time entry in January. It is a specific program where less than a quarter of the applicants get in. Other similar programs have wait lists lasting many years. It is highly employable profession. I live in a very expensive city and my current job can't be my future. I enjoy it but couldn't afford before and after school care if I had to. The hours will be changing soon. So if anyone knows of any educational funds for widowed or single mothers available to us living above the USA please let me know. I won't be getting anymore funding from the government due to my bankruptcy, I just found out last Thursday. But I feel like I can't give up.

I am asking as this has been suggested to me by others but I am such a private person. I am hoping to finish my degree in January and am doing some review now as I work full time and have a child to care for. After my husband died unexpectedly our lives turned into swirling toilet water. We lost everything. I mean absolutely everything except our old car. We were almost homeless this year but I managed to find a job two weeks from probably living in a shelter. So it is extremely important that I finish this degree. But I may not get funding from the government, or the University as that is tied into a government student loan. My bank won't lend me anything as I was just discharged from a bankruptcy. My husband's death was publicized. On TV, the Internet, and in print. But they never released his name. I am thankful for this. So my major dilemma is to go to the media with our struggles so people who have goodness in heir hearts can help us get on our feet again. I am very reluctant to do this. I am a very private person. Also the comments on the Internet from some about how my husband's death was his fault have scarred me. The inaccurate information about the cause of death resulted in my looking at photos from the coroner and caused years of post traumatic stress disorder. It is so difficult to talk about it. Finally I want to live again and not die. People already know but it is difficult to contemplate. At least when I apply for scholarships I write our story in private. This would be very public. I do not know how we will do this. Has anyone done this?

Lost35, I'm sad for those that never got to say goodbye. I'm sorry for your pain. I was told by some that it would be too traumatic to see him after a traumatic accident. The stubborn in me didn't listen. But I still think that I see him too. I follow men around that look like him. I feel like I need to be close to them. I know that it's messed up. Maybe it's our minds wanting them to still be here. In the beginning of this shitty journey I couldn't wrap my brain around the reality of a young, healthy man being dead. So you're not the only one who doesn't want to believe it. Accepting the worst that can happen to us is difficult.

Holding on, sorry to hear about your sister. It's difficult to experience loss after loss. I belief it slows down the healing process. I have tried to support a widowed father with young children whose spouse died in a simular circumstance to mine. It was so raw and difficult for me. This person was not with my husband that horrible day but he saw him after his death. He also saw his wife after her death. Listening to what he saw intensified my ptsd. The pain that it brought to me was too intense to repeat anytime soon. But maybe seeing me gave him some hope to continue living and being a father to the children that need him. I do not know how to give you advice but wanted to write my story so you could read another person's experience. Do what you need to do for yourself.

Lost35, before you ended your post I realized that your husband must still be around. I really like your story. Those times can be so wonderful while we remember the best about them but also so bittersweet as we can't change our loss. Also, others are caught off guard as they do not expect death at such a young age. I have had those experiences.

Eih21, I can really relate to the homework problems. My son is also in grade two and last year I felt like I was homeschooling him due to the multiple teachers that he had. He cannot focus. So his report card mentioned that I should get him to do more than the minimum. When he spends one hour writing five words six times I want to pull out my hair and that is the maximum, not the minimum. I just do not want to belittle him as my mother did all of my life. But with all the other things that we are responsible for alone I felt like the school should be teaching him and I should be able to go to school or work and be responsible that way. Last year was so stressful. Hopefully his teacher this year will teach him. I hope that your daughter gets the help that she needs. And that you get the break that you need.

Mo12 and Lost 35, we would be into visiting, if finances permit. Sorry for not writing back. It's me and a seven year old son. We have weekends free.

Lost 35, I understand as I find myself thinking the same thoughts. It has been four and a half years for us. A sudden accidental death at 34 (husband), 36 (myself), and a 2.5 year old son. I am heartbroken for a son who will not remember his father. I feel beyond broken in the prime of my life. I cannot let anyone else in even though I am extremely lonely. The act of solo parenting can isolate and wear us down. I cannot ever accept that he left this earth and our lives so suddenly. I am so sad for all of us and our children whose lives took a tragic detour. I am sorry that I lack any words of wisdom because if I had some I would not feel very simular feelings to yours. I think of you often.

Roosy, at almost four and a half years I get it. I had a lot of anger in the beginning as my husband died doing an activity that he chose to do. A lot of anger which I could not express to others because he was the one who lost his life. But I lost mine too when he died. I would joke that if there is an afterlife he better be hiding when I get there. I have less anger now as I rationally know that he did not go there to die that day. He paid the ultimate price. My son has some health and psychological issues so when I get to the end of my rope, day, hour, etc. I am done. I need help and do not have any. I get pissed off at my husband for leaving me in this shit. Also, when I was losing our home. And all of the other financial responsibilities to keep us clothed, fed, and with a roof over our heads without his support. At times I have wanted to get drunk and flush his ashes down the toilet. So I think that we can get overwhelmed with life and feel like our support is gone. I feel like it is normal to be angry. I do private counseling and group support to help me.

Canadiangirl, I can relate so much. If it wasn't for my young son I would be a hermit, or dead. I feel so isolated from other parents. I have wanted to write about it for almost four years. We just bought a home and I lost a pregnancy all within six months of my husband dying unexpectedly. Our son was very young. I can't talk about buying homes as we lost ours. I can't talk about babies as that time has passed, :'( . I can't talk about vacations as we can't afford one. I feel so isolated. Last week the husband of someone who sent us a "death casserole" asked why my son attends one school and lives in another district. I almost said that we lost our home after my husband died but I decided to answer differently. Even the "single parents" have time away from the children when the other parent has them. I had not gone out at night in over three years as I have no support, as many here know the reality of widowhood. So I don't run and work out like the other mothers do. I look run down and plain old as I have the job of two parents. But that other person is gone forever and we are left with the psychological pain in addition to feeling like social isolation is easier that any relation with others as they can't relate to us either. I have also seen the 5 percent stat. I got that from Statistics Canada. Solidarity to my wid sisters who are mothers or fathers.