Yes another one of the exhausted single parents who has not got time for actively seeking another – between looking after my 3 teenagers, running my own business (from home), housework, garden, dogs, gym etc etc. Just felt I had to add my bit here – have loved reading everyones responses.
I am now in year 4 since DH died and I spent a lot of year 3 trying to heed well-meaning advice such as “get out there” re socializing in general, not dating. But in truth I found it another thing on my to do list and a bit of a chore (and I know you often reflect back what you give etc). It takes a lot of time and effort to make new friends; I found the superficiality of meeting new people often drained my already limited reserves. And while some of me misses being part of a couple I really do not have the emotionally energy for online dating. So unless Man Perfect marches up to my door and sweeps me off my feet I will likely be on my own for the foreseeable future…… I do like to think that I am open to a new relationship, but I think in reality I’m not. I enjoy my own company and for the most part I am happy alone and do not fear doing things on my own.
I had a bit of an aha moment around the year 3 mark - I was shocked at how I had disengaged emotionally from life in general, although most people looking on would see someone who runs around sorting the kids out, working, organizing holidays, family visits etc. I sat down and really tried to work out what I wanted for me and not for anyone else. And in truth I am often at my happiest pursuing solitary activities, reading, long walks with the dogs, biking etc. So I took the decision to concentrate on and enjoy these activities and not worry about “socializing”. And by doing this I really feel that now I am re-engaging in and appreciating life in a way that suits me personally.
Eimear McBride the Irish writer (who had trained to be an actress), was asked about the death of her 22 year old brother: But why did Donagh’s death turn you away from acting? “I realised that I’m not a communal person. As an actor you need to be able to be around people a lot. And I can’t. I couldn’t because of the grief. And then once I’d learned to live with it either I had been changed into a more solitary person or I realised that was the person I had always been”.
Don’t get me wrong I am not a recluse (yet) I have close friends and family although not locally. But if my circumstances were different I could think of nothing better than a year or so on a remote island somewhere….. So for now seeking solitude in my limited free time is really much more helpful for me than seeking the company of others.
Maybe I’ve rambled a bit off topic but yes I get it…