Indira

I'm dreading the next parent teacher conference. Dad was always at the school, volunteering for anything and everything. All the parents and teachers knew him. I once was told by another parent that they thought I was being made up. They didn't think I existed. She didn't mean it to be mean, I know that much. I worked a lot and he got to do all the school things with the kids. Now its so different I'm trying not to work as much and be there at school but it doesn't change the fact that he will not be there.......

My husband and I were separated for about 9 months before he passed away. We were talking divorce but never actually went through with it. We had both moved on, I have a boyfriend and I'm currently pregnant and he had a girlfriend too. We have 2 sons, 11 and 7, because I was still his wife I had to make all arrangements for him. People seem to be confused about what to say to me, I understand that. I wish I could tell them that even though we were separated and we had both moved on his death still affects me. I loved the man for 14 years, at the end I was not in love with him but loved him none the less, we spend some awesome years together. I still cry because I can't seem to believe that he's gone. That our kids will not have him in their lives. How did you deal with their deaths?

Jack, I'm so sorry for your loss. We all here know what you are feeling. I can understand not being able to talk to other people, have you searched for grief counseling in your area? I know its hard but I do believe it will help. if anything to get it off your chest. You can always post here, we don't judge, we all know there is great pain when losing a loved one. hugs to you and your babies. Be strong, if not for you, for them.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also new here myself but wanted to welcome you. Knowing that there are other people going through this makes me feel a little comfort, not that it makes me feel better, it just makes me feel less alone. I hope we are of help to get you through the days ahead

can someone tell me what I'm supposed to do about taxes please. My husband and I filed separately for the last few years. So I don't know what to do for this year. I heard that I can file for him. Advice would be very appreciated

Thank you so much for your replies. I have found a grief group that will counsel them. I wish things were different, I keep asking myself why this happened. Why?

Thank you for your kind words Canadiangirl. I am looking into counseling for both the boys, they seem to be doing ok I think.

My name is Indira and my situation here is unique. I was married to my husband for 10 years, together for about 14. We have two sons, 11 and 7, and we were separated at the time of his death. We planned on divorcing but never got around to it, he had a girlfriend already and I also have a boyfriend. As a matter of fact, I am 8 months pregnant. The boys and him stayed in the house, I moved out. The boys came to stay with me on weekends and sometimes during the week, we didn't have a visiting schedule or anything like that, if the kids wanted to be with me they did. On Tuesday December 6th, I received a call from a police officer saying that my husband was found dead at home. My first reaction was shock, then I thought about the kids, where were my kids? They were safe, in the home with the police. My 7 year old had gotten up to use the bathroom and found his dad on the side of the bed on the floor with his cpap mask on. He tried to wake him and tell him he was on the floor, to get on the bed, but dad didn't respond. He went and woke up my 11 year old and he went and tried to wake up dad also. When he couldn't he went to the neighbors house but they didn't answer the door. He went across the street and knocked also, but no answer either, he then was going to the next door when the previous neighbor came out. My son explained dad was on the floor and not waking up, so they went into the house and tried cpr and called the paramedics. The paramedics and police arrived and couldn't resuscitate him. If there was one thing I could change it would be that my kids not find their dad dead. I cry because I think of my 11 year old's desperation when neighbors wouldn't open the door when he needed help. There is so much regret on my part, I know I should have been there to find him and not them kids. I wish I had told him how good of a father he was, and how I really appreciated that. I wish I had not left him with all the responsibility of the kids and the house, I really think I stressed him out. Like I said before, my situation is so unique, I now have moved into the house he lived in with the kids, my boyfriend is there also. I know people are looking at me and thinking "how could she move a guy in that quickly?" but its what's working for us. I have made sure that the boys voice their opinion on the changes we are making. Does anyone have small kids also? How did they cope with the death of a parent? My 11 year old just doesn't cry at all. He cried at the funeral but that was it. He sees me crying and doesn't say anything. My 7 year old cries at night and asks why dad had to die. He tells me he wants to go with dad or wants dad to come back.

Hugs to you, I completely relate to your feelings of regret. My husband and I were separated when he died and my sons were the ones that found him. I feel that I should have been the one there and spare the kids the horrible sight. I feel like I should have been there, maybe he would still be alive. I'm not sure how to handle that yet, but I can tell you that I feel just like you do. so many things that I feel I could have done different.

JP, I am going through something similar. My husband was also 37, its been 2 weeks for us. The difference there was that we were separated and so I was not in the house when he died. We have 2 kids, 11 and 7, they found their father Tuesday December 6th. I hurt so much for them that had to go through that, I just feel like I should have been there. I cry just like you do, so I know exactly what you are going through. Cry as much as you want, people never know what to say, especially if they have not bee through something like this before. Its ok. We will make it.