Missing AC

Leadfeather, we are running along a similar timeline. Thanksgiving was the last Holiday we got to spend with him as well. Sunday the 27th of November of last year has meaning for me as well but in a different way. It was the day he ended up in the ER after experiencing chest pain and losing consciousness. He was still with us the following Monday and I was hopeful. Honestly, the thought of losing him never crossed my mind - I could never imagine such a thing. Then he died unexpectedly on Tuesday November 29th. LIke you, the Tuesday after thanksgiving seems more like the anniversary then the actual date. Glad to hear you and your boys are doing OK. It amazes me how we manage to find the strength to continue on. Missing AC

It hit me hard yesterday, the deep sadness and flood of tears. It paralyzed me. I had to cancel my plans for the day. Spent most of the morning in bed then lounged on the couch watching mindless TV until I went to bed and pretty much sobbed all day long. It was like the beginning all over again. My heart ached for my hubby so terribly much. What gives? Is that protective layer of shock wearing off? or was it everything else? I bought a new car 1 1/2 weeks ago - by myself (it took months of agonizing over it to get to this point). Our 2 cars combined had so many things wrong with them it was causing me too much anxiety. I needed something I felt safe and secure in and wouldn't have me in an auto shop constantly. All part of making life easier on ourselves, right? Wish he was here to enjoy it with me. 2 days after buying my car a man knocks on my door asking if I am selling one of my old cars. Well, the whole process of selling the car, determining what paperwork was needed, getting a smog done was draining. This was the kind of stuff DH handled and here I was now having to deal with this on my own. But I did it and our car went to a new home on Monday. The first car DH and I ever bought together. The car we made so many memories in and our son grew up in. Yep, that was emotionally difficult (I cant stand feeling like I am doing something that is erasing our life together - too short of a life together). On Monday, I also went to DH's older brother's son's birthday and met BILs new grandson. It took everything I had to keep the tears at bay. Seeing everyone together, happy, with their perfect intact families, taking the multi-generational family pictures only amplified DH's absence and my loss. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the new grandparents, but it hurts that DH will not get to see his first grandchild, that my son wont be able to share that experience with his father, that we won't be able to grow old together and see our family grow. I felt so very lonely and sad for myself - he was the sunshine of my world. Life can be pretty f'd up. So, by Tuesday I was done- exhausted mentally and emotionally. I just needed to be curled up in a ball, under a blanket letting my sad little tears flow. I wish nothing more than to have my happy carefree life back.

I consider myself a non-denominational Christian. DH was not a believer. We didn't do religion. However, since his passing (7 months now), I've tried to get back in touch with my faith. I've gone to church a few times but have found it difficult to be consistent about going. My teenage son refuses to go and I don't like going alone (or being a third wheel). I know, it's church and it shouldn't matter, but still. So, I watch the service online. I pray everyday and spend time reading passages some nights. I feel I need something to hold on to, something to give me a bit of strength to make it through this hell. It helps some, but I admit I bounce back and forth.

I'm with you 100% on this. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Hugs

Feeling pretty down this weekend. It's our first Father's Day since our world came tumbling down. It hurts that DH is not here to celebrate having brought into life our wonderful son. It hurts that my son doesn't have his dad to celebrate the day with. This all just sucks !! But, there are still grandfathers around - thankful for that. We will be spending time with them both this weekend. What are you all doing on/how do you all cope with this day?

Mcdc, it's my first as well and I understand your pain. (((Hugs))) and Happy Mother's Day to you and everyone on this forum - we are all doing our best.

I recently passed 5 months. Why am I here? I found this site in my first few weeks searching for "young widows" online and beeing here has been a lifesaver. I came looking to know that I was not the only one in the world going through this tragic experience, that there were others out there, young, with children. I came looking for people who knew what I was going through, am still going through and will forever be going through it, because lets face it, we will carry some remnants of this grief all our lives. No one in my real life has gone through something like this and as we all know to well they just don't understand, how can they without experiencing it. I dont post much but I read everyday. This is a form of therapy for me, a safe place, a place to share and ask questions when I am lost and don't know what to do and don't have anyone to go to. I come here for a glimpse of hope that I will survive this, that I can keep going. I draw strength from everyone here. I am so sorry we all have to be here but I am so grateful for all the wonderful, caring people on this site.

1. Came home this past Sunday to find my neighbor sent his kid over to mow my front yard. It was a nice gesture. 2. Had a nice lunch on Tuesday with a friend. 3. I've been getting my exercise in and going for brisk walks all this week. Hope the motivation continues 'cause I need to lose weight and haven't done anything since my DH passed 5 months ago. 4. I haven't really shed tears this week. Okay, so that was 4 and I could probably add a couple more. Yes, its been a much better week. Should I be worried? Is there a big low coming my way?

Fuck that I am lonely! Fuck that my son misses his dad badly, is hurting and there is nothing I can do to fix the pain! Fuck all the people who said they would be there for us! I am tired of being the one that makes all the effort! Fuck being a solo parent!! I don't know how to do this. Fuck this nightmare!!!!!!!!!

So I am talking with my mom today and she asks if I have taken care of "things" Meaning do I have all my finances, legal things in order in case anything were to happen to me. I mean, really? I know she means well but, really? At 4 months out, I barely manage to make it through each day and the last thing I want to think about is something happening to me and my child being left an orphan, but I get it that we have no control over when something might happen. So now that the question is out there, have you all taken care of "things" since your spouse's death? Living trust? will? your kids guardianship? Is this all something I should be focusing on right now? I hate having to think about these things.

Many hugs to you Beth! I am home today as well, not alone cuz kid is home, but the void is there and the silence in the house is too much. The water works have been on all morning. I miss him so much.

Thank you all. It's good to know I am not alone and crazy (well, as Laura said, maybe just a bit). No one understands our struggles and the difficulties of this journey, except those who are living it.

I've had a tough day today. It's 4 months since he died, so suddenly. Next week is my son's spring break and we have no plans. A few weeks before he passed we had been talking about what we would do for spring break- maybe visit his cousins in Chicago or visit Niagara Falls(the Canadian side). Now spring break is here and he is not. His clothes still hangs in the closet and sits in the drawers. Some days I feel like I am ready to start going through his things but then I don't have the strength. In some ways it's like guilt hits me. I want to change the bedroom furniture but then I don't. I'm tired of the emotional rollercoaster. I miss him so much, I miss my best friend. I just want my life back the way it was- happy.

I don't know how far you live from your work but if it will lessen your commute time and allow more time for your son than go for it. I used to not worry about staying at work late because I knew dad was home but now, I leave on time, maybe a little earlier, so I can get home to my son. My job also allows me to work from home once a week or more if needed. I definitely think it helps to be close to friends and family. I've learned to ask for help and say thank you A LOT. I think asking for help is key to making life easier on us.

Thank you for this. It expresses everything I have been experiencing, thinking and feeling and wish I could express to friends and family. I will carry it with me along with Unique and Devastating Loss.

Well, I survived! Although, I didn't think I would at first as the day started off pretty rough with tears and just finding it difficult to get out of bed. Eventually I did get up and face the day. His family came over, we grilled, and spent time together. I can't say it was as if he had been there because my DH had quite a presence and he was dearly missed, but there was some comfort in being together. I've now made it through X-mas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, my son's birthday and now DH's birthday- somehow we manage and continue to push through. Best to all and thanks for sharing.

His 1st birthday since passing is coming up this week. Looking for ideas/suggestions as to how my son and I can best make it through the day.

My son jumped into bed with me early this morning, feeling sad and needing to be held. He said he had a dream about dad, that he was here, at home with us. I know those dreams are so hard because then you wake up and realize it was just a dream, a wishful dream and we are actually living a nightmare. It breaks my heart that he is going through this, that we are going through this. What can I say? What can I do? I can't change this horrible reality.

Ditto on the HATE weekends...spent the day cleaning up and now comfy on the couch watching random shows on TV. Maybe I can pull my son away from the video games and get him to watch a movie with me - big maybe. Ugh, how I miss my DH.

Hi All, After my DH was cremated I did not have the strength to pick up his ashes and bring them home - I was just not ready to accept it (heck, its still difficult today), so my BIL picked them up and took them home to my FIL/MIL. Unfortunately, we have now suffered another loss in our family. My MIL passed away last Wed from Leukemia - had this been a leap year it would have been 3 months to the date since my DH. With the thought that they would soon also have his mothers ashes in the house, my BIL asked me if I had put any thought into what I wanted to do with my DH ashes. Have any of you kept your spouses ashes in your home? where in the home do you keep them? Have you found comfort in having them there? If you have children, how have they handled it? Did you try to keep them home and then found you or your kids couldn't handle it and stored them somewhere else? I am still not sure I want to do, or if I can handle keeping them in our home, but I have also started looking into a niche or memorial pedestal at a cemetery.

Hi, Today is my son's birthday; he turns 13. We are only 2 1/2 months out and I have no energy to slap on a fake smile and throw him a b-day party with friends. So, I planned for just a family get together to celebrate his birthday and although not exactly a happy one for us without dad, I am happy that we made him, to have him and that he is another year older. Now here is the other issue, my mother in law has Leukemia and is in in-home hospice, so I went back and forth with the idea of having it at my in laws or at a pizza place (I thought being away from our house would better and different). If we went to the pizza place my FIL and BIL wouldn't be able to go because they have to take care of MIL. My FIL thought she was doing Ok, eating at the table and so he felt we could go to his pkace, so I finalized with that. Now today, my son tells me he doesn't want to go to their house and celebrate his bday when grandma is sick. I asked him if he wanted to go to the pizza place instead and he said no. He seems not to want go out of the house and, understandably, he is sad his dad isn't here. After some further back and forth with family, we thought it best for his cousins to come to our house instead, to liven him up and take his mind off of things. My question to you all is, am I pushing for the birthday celebration too much? should we have done nothing? everything I've heard/read is that we are to surround ourselves with loved ones on these special days to ease the pain. How did you all handle that first birthday for your kids without mom or dad?.

Thank you all for your replies. Just to update, my son is seeing a grief counselor at the local Hospice center, it's still early and he has only gone to two sessions, so we will see how it goes. Overall, he seems to be coping much better than I expected, so far, and definitely much better than me.

Thank you all for the hugs. I don't know whats wrong with me these last few days. This morning was rough as well emotionally as well physically as the intense chest pains hit me. All I could do was go back to bed and let myself feel the pain as I drifted in an out of sleep- made myself finally get up at 1pm! Many hugs to you all! I have not been able to find a specific support group for young widows in my area, which makes me feel alone, but thanks to this site, I know I am not.

Hi Everyone, I am a little over 2 months into this dark, dark journey and it really feels like the most horrific experience anyone can go through. I never knew we could feel such agonizing pain and still live through it, albeit hanging by a string. My wonderful hubby died unexpectedly at the young age of 43 on November 29th last year, one day before my mom's birthday, unfortunately for my mom I will be a mess every year around her birthday. We have an almost 13 year old son whom I am very thankful for, without him there would be no reason to get up everyday. Today I had a REALLY bad day (feeling better now). I couldn't keep it together this morning at work, the water works hit pretty hard, the pain kicked in and the feeling of hopelessness sank in - I miss my hubby so, so much!! I had to tell my boss I was going to keep the door to my office shut because I was not doing well emotionally. It hadn't been this bad since the first month, but I guess those are the waves I will be riding for some time. It doesn't help that the rain here in California has been non-stop, it only depresses me that much more. And, to add to my already bad day, I found the large canopy that covered my hubby's sports car had been flipped over by the winds. Yeah, no way I could handle that one by myself and son was not home to help. Thankfully, we have some good friends that live near by that came to help me. I have been a silent observer for over a month now and I have to say I am so thankful for this site. It truly has helped to know I am not alone in this experience. Well, thanks for listening, or should I say reading.

Hi, This is my first time posting here but have been reading other posts for weeks now. My husband died suddenly 5 weeks ago (cardiac arrest). He was only 43 years old and we have a 12 year old son. The pain from losing my best friend, love of my life and co-parent has been and is still intense, but knowing that my son is hurting and missing his dad, his best friend only amplifies my pain. I know he is hurting- I see it in his eyes and it kills me. He can't focus on school work and is so behind because of the time he missed after his father passed plus just not being able to catch up. I total understand- I can barely focus at work. I am so worried for him - his feelings, his future, am I going to be able to do this by myself? Do any of you have your kids see a therapist? For how long? Has it helped? I have set-up a meeting with a therapist for my son. I just want him to express his feelings to someone- what he is thinking, his fears, concerns. I feel like he doesn't show much emotion because he is trying to be strong for me. Thank you for any advice/thoughts you may have.