RyanAmysMom

You will stop.  Eventually.  Maybe in 6 months, maybe sooner, maybe later.  But the fact that you're still "waiting" tells me you haven't really accepted his passing yet.  Give yourself time.  Acknowledge those moments. Grieve through them.  (I don't have those moments anymore, and I miss them....)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/06/18/time-does-not-mend-broken-heart-scientists-find-condition-causes/

"It is provoked when the heart muscle is suddenly "stunned", causing the left ventricle to change shape, and is typically prompted by "intense emotional or physical stress".

The article claims that the heart's left ventricle can/does actually change.......

Was on Bumble last night - started chatting with a guy who listed his profession as "writer" - I was curious.....

"How did you get started in writing?"

"My friends like the stories I tell - I started writing them down."

"What kinds of stories?"

"Erotica.... would you like to see a sample?"

um......... 

And for the record, I don't disagree with the comments that the men on this post are making.  I think it's ugly when a woman throws herself at a man - and when a woman is acting "cheap"....  especially when it's just cheap, anonymous sex.....

But I also recognize that there is often more to the story - more to the relationship - more to the situation.... 

And sometimes it's just cheap sex. 

And sometimes both parties don't feel good about things afterward. 

(I personally hate the stereotype that a man can go to a bar and pick up a woman and take her home for a night and he's a stud.... but that same woman is a whore.....) 

I appreciate all of the input - As always, there is more to the story than I'd put in a couple of paragraphs.... 

I don't disagree that I made myself available..... and perhaps that's not the most tasteful thing to do.... 

The backstory that I didn't share is this:  This man called me 3 months after DH passed and let me know that when I was ready, he wanted to date me.  And then he has proceeded to send flowers, flirt, and call regularly.....  Now it's 2 years later, and I'm ready, and he's not following through.....  It's just confusing to me......  I just wish I could read his mind - and as I already stated, I'm not going to chase him.... 

I just really wanted to unload the thoughts that I really can't share with my family and friends who think I haven't waited long enough................... 

Ok- here's my situation....

It's been 2 years since DH passed.... and much, much longer than that since I was really "satisfied."

I'm dying here.........  (sound familiar?!?)

So, I was recently having a text conversation with a friend, and I told him I was looking for trouble.  He replied, are you sure?  And I said, yep.  So he commented something like, I'll bring it if you're really interested......  So I again replied, yep.  He replied, tell me more... so I did.....  Told him that  was ready to date.....  His next text was.... "I'm busy.....will text in a few minutes"

That was a month ago.  No texts since then.....

So... did I not make myself clear?  I'm not interested in chasing this dude.....  He "likes" or comments on everything I put in Facebook - so....  what should I do?  Leave it alone?  Is he just not interested?  Do I call him on it?  Ugh........... 

So.... throughout the trip, there were a couple of little "signs" from DH......... 

We were out and about yesterday and a butterfly landed on my finger and wouldn't leave.....  I've never EVER put any stock in the whole "butterflies are our loved ones" belief... but now......  hm.....

And then, I was in a restaurant, went to the bathroom, and heard the song "Time For Me To Fly" from REO - most of the song doesn't apply, but the chorus...  seriously....  Thanks dear... 

Wow, do I understand all of you!!!!!  My DH passed a month before I began my first year of teaching (3rd career...I'm no spring chicken!)  I pushed through until Christmas break, fell apart, and then when summer came, I was a complete wreck - completely put off all of my grieving until the end of the school year - what a mistake! 

But I recall trying to stay busy, trying to keep the kids busy, keeping my mind off the thing I'd been avoiding for a year....... 

And in some ways, I'm right there again this week! 

Sorry you're going through this, especially with little ones....

Well, we're here - I've had some tears, but overall, I'm surviving - it's not as bad as I anticipated!  The first moments here were really rough though:  Got out of the car and heard an ambulance right outside the hotel - not a good moment for me!  But.... making new happy memories with my family!

Helena - exactly.  I need to take away the power of one moment and let a lifetime of good memories flood...... 

So, DH passed while we were on family vacation almost 2 years ago.  He died in a place that I had vacationed every summer of my childhood, and where we honeymooned, and where we'd vacation as a family every year.....  It's my peaceful place, my recovery place.... but it's also the place where he passed, in public....  And I haven't been back...  When DH passed, we were vacationing with our 2 kids, and my parents had tagged along.....

So later this week, my parents, kids, and I will return to our vacation spot for the first time since DH passed.  I'm full of anxiety and cry every time I think about it..... 

I have found that as "landmark" dates approach, I get upset, and then those landmark dates are usually easier to deal with than I expect.... for example, Christmas, birthdays, etc.....

So I'm hoping that this will go well, also..... but I can't help but think I'm going to relive that night over and over again while we're near there..... 

Any advice? 

I could have written what Abitlost said, word for word.  I had a certified genius husband, and have 2 kids who were completely bored at school.  Pulled the older one from traditional school and now he homeschools himself, he follows a curriculum, but is free to learn at his own pace and loves to branch out on tangents and become a genius on topics that he chooses.

My daughter, although equally as intelligent and capable, has chosen to stay in traditional school because she values her social interactions and school activities.

Do what's right for your gifted child - and let them have a LOT of say in the process.  They really do know what they need.

PeaceLoveLinney - I, too, lost my husband to congenital heart defect in July of 2015.  I'm sorry to hear of your loss. 

Oh Catnip, I feel that way every time I hear my co-workers bash their husbands!  (Which is frequent)...  So often I think to myself, You wouldn't say those things if you really knew how long you had together....

I wish there was a "correct" answer to this .......  But do what feels right to you....

On my husband's first birthday after he passed, we celebrated exactly like we would've if he was there....  I invited his sister and her family over,  I made cheesecake, made his favorite dinner, and we celebrated without him.  We cracked jokes at his expense, we talked about him, we cried, we laughed..... 

One of the traditions that my husband always did was that on his birthday, he bought presents for his kids....  so I bought small trinkets for the kids... 

One of the most powerful things I've learned over the past 19 months and 29 days is that milestone days come - and they're usually not as awful as I expect them to be -

Kickin' back watching April the Giraffe waiting to have her baby!  This is pathetic! 

Somebody please save me from myself! 

Had a training meeting all day - so I'm home, still all dressed up, and no where to go....   

HATE weekends...... 

This may sound odd, but my husband and I never talked about it - but he knew that I would eventually start dating again.  When we got married, we both knew we'd not live our full lives together - he had a heart/lung condition that we knew would take him young - He was 44 when he passed -

We never talked about it because he couldn't bear the thought - and I never told him whether I would.....  But in my heart, I have always known that I would want and would seek a second relationship..... 

What an awful, freaking terrible day.  Dealing with grief by itself is one thing, but having such a powerful trigger, and being worried about my dad at the same time was exhausting.  I just pray he gets to come home tomorrow.... I can't face another day of such difficult memories...... 

So, my husband passed away 19 months  ago.  Well,  last night my dad was taken to the hospital.  When my husband passed away,  it was my dad that was there with me.  Last night was the first time dad and I had been in an e.r. since then..... it was surprisingly difficult, and I hadn't anticipated the flood of memories..... and pain, and depression.... and trauma....  I feel like I'm back at day 1. 

Dad is ok, btw.....

All week long I look forward to the weekend - and then its Friday night, and I realize that rather than just lonely evenings, I get whole days to myself....  I don't understand why I keep looking forward to the weekends....  because they suck.....  I need a life.  Or some friends.  Soon.

Doing what I would have done if my hubby was still around - making dinner, watching NCIS and relaxing.... 

In my dreams, I'd be with my crush, having a drink and dinner and probably doing other things I'd regret tomorrow..... 

We're 19 months out - and I am finally starting to think that we'll all make it - My kids are now 16 and 13 - and they are going through some very "normal" teenage stuff that is amplified by their grief.  We have major milestones to come where Dad will be very noticeably "absent" but we'll deal with those as they come.

I think that at about 10 months I realized that my kids were going to be ok - When I heard them belly laughing together about something trivial - I felt so relieved to hear them laugh.....

Another person mentioned that "the kids will be ok if mom's ok..." but I have spent the better part of 19 months NOT being ok - and I've just had to explain to them that I miss Daddy and I miss my best friend - because I lost both - My son is to the point that now when he sees me crying, he just rolls his eyes.... which makes me smile...... and reassures me that he's ok... 

Hang in there - take care of yourself and take time to grieve - it takes a long time.....  but yes, your kids will be ok.  (I promise!)

Why is it that when I look at men's profiles online, I am appalled at how OLD everyone my age is? 

Seriously - some of these men that claim to be my age - I would feel like I was on a date with my dad...... 

Am I the only one who hasn't aged?  8) 8) 8)