PeaceLoveLinny

I have always found writing cathartic, and though I can sit and talk for hours about my feelings and struggles post-loss, I still find myself having trouble writing about it without falling apart. That said, I read as much as I can; Self-help books, dealing with grief books, blogs, and articles such as this, written by people who have gone or are going through a similar life experience. When I come across something that expresses a sentiment or feeling that I haven't been able to explain, I share it, so that others in my life may understand a little bit about my struggle. I shared this article, and it started a (forgive my language) shit-storm among my ILs and my friends. My ILs saying "You have so much help, so you're not solo" and my friends fighting back in my honor. It was utter chaos for hours. In the end, I can just offer grace and forgiveness for those that can't possibly fathom what solo parenting really means to the surviving parent and the children. This article was so spot-on for me, it's a shame other people are still trying to make those feelings invalid. Thanks for sharing!

You put in to words here what I could not. Thanks for sharing.

It's been ten months post loss and I'm seeing someone. I never went out looking for a relationship, nor did I even consider I would be ready for one, but it just sort of happened. I'm happy. I have tried to be respectful of my LH's family and not flaunt or openly discuss my new relationship, but in a small town, people are quick to find out everything. I knew the day would come. I knew judgement would be there. I didn't expect adults to be so petty as to post underhanded comments and hurtful, passive-aggressive messages on social media. I know people grieve differently, and I'm trying hard to consider that as I process the hurtful things that are being said. I'm sure they feel hurt, confused, possibly even betrayed; but I lived up to every promise I ever made. I loved my husband, and he loved me. We had a wonderful relationship and had 3 beautiful children. I was 100% committed and faithful 'til death do us part. Death happened. I can't change that. So I guess moving forward isn't a luxury afforded to widows in the eyes of some. Get a divorce? Sure, go ahead and date again. Lose a spouse? Sit around in misery for the rest of your life. I don't get it. Anyone else going through something similar or have any thoughts/ideas/advice?

Fuck other people's opinions of the choices I make as I learn to move forward. Fuck your passive aggressive "digs" on social media, your judging glances, and your inability to even fathom what I'm going through. Fuck you for your comments you make to my children, as if I'm not keeping the memory of their father alive for them. Fuck you and Fuck off!

"I say now I have a starfish heart, that we all do. The arm was gone, destroyed, lost, dead, when DH died. But it grew back, gradually, different but just as big, just as useful, just as full." @Mizpah I love this analogy.

It was so strange to me how many people asked me when I was going to quit wearing my ring. I hadn't even thought about it. I Googled etiquette, asked friends, and there was just no consensus as to what was "right". I ended up having the choice made for me when I had an accident and the Fire Department had to cut my bands off. Looking back, I think I would have felt guilty removing them on my own. I have the rings in a small jewelry box waiting until I either repair them or have them up-cycled into something new for my children. Dating, for me, happened accidentally and organically 5 months after I lost my husband. I never EVER thought I could consider dating again and being in a relationship just seemed undesirable as I had already been married to the best. I was wrong. He still was the best man for me, at that time in my life, but post-loss I am a different person, and I found someone who was best for me now. I felt guilty about it for a while, and I especially worried about what others would think of me. I know my husband wouldn't want me to wallow in self-pity my whole life so I decided life was too short to concern myself with other people's opinions. So, here I am, 9 months after losing my husband, and I'm happy and with someone who supports me and moves forward with me, who supports me as I still grieve, and holds my children and asks questions about their daddy so they still have a chance to talk about him. It's a bittersweet journey to be on, but this is the hand I was dealt, and I will play it to the best of my ability.

Hello, I'm Lindsay. My husband passed away suddenly from a congenital heart defect on June 25th, 2016; He was only 37. Matt and I had been together since I was 17. We were married for almost 11 years before his passing and have 3 beautiful children. I always knew that there was a chance he would be taken from me too soon, but I was not prepared, at 34, to be a young widow, explaining to my three small children that their father was gone. It's been 9 months now. The grief comes in waves for me and my children. It's so hard. But, we wake up each day and keep moving forward. I was glad to find this group. That's the basics.