Mishka3086

Creeping up on the 1 year mark... Still struggling horribly. My mom is my main support. Everyone else faded away very soon after losing my husband and father of my kids. It's been just me for about 11 months now, and of course my mother. Still not sure how I'm still standing. Our first baby together was only 10 weeks when it happened, now he's just over a year. Haven't been able to go back to work. Basically just surviving each day still. People's inconsiderate comments make me angry, they assume I should be back to "normal" by now. I cry every day, some days all day. I feel dead inside, only here thanks to my kids. Wish I could leave a more uplifting response but unfortunately this is where I'm at. Just hoping one day it gets better. ❤ To all ❤

Hey all, It's been quite some time that I have not been on here but I hope everyone is doing as well as possible and just want to say how much I appreciate this forum! I don't really have any friends so it's so helpful to me to be able to come here and feel safe asking advice or questions to people I know understand how grief feels ❤ So, the one year mark of losing my husband to a very senseless act of violence is this Monday, January 29th. I've been dreading this day for a year, and although I am extremely stressed about it, I am trying to find ideas of helpful things I can do that day to honor my husband as well as bring some peace and comfort to my heart. I am still suffering so badly every day. It's almost as if the pain of losing him gets worse as time goes on. I am struggling so much to keep myself together. Our son is now just over a year old (he was 10 weeks when we lost my husband) and my 15 year old son who my husband helped me raise is also struggling very much. I would love to hear how others who are ahead of me in this process dealt with the one year mark. My financial situation is not good so anything that doesn't require money is ideal for me. I'm willing to spend a little bit but can't afford much more than maybe $100. I'd rather that money go to a shelter or something other than flowers etc for his grave... But please, anyone who is willing to share their experience or offer any advice I will be forever grateful to. I have a therapy session scheduled for that afternoon as well as a visit to my regular doctor at 4pm so thankfully part of my day will be distracted doing those things. I hope to not be the complete mess I anticipate being but I am prepared to feel horrible and accept that completely. I have a history with depression so I'm just a bit worried this event may trigger an episode. Any help/love/light is immensely appreciated ❤❤❤

Hi Ruth, It's been some time since you posted this so I'm not sure you will see this reply but my husband also died to violence. He had an addiction and one of his "connects" set him up and shot him as he was leaving 💔 I hope you have been able to get through each day with the love and support you need. I don't know your husband's circumstances but any violent death is a very personal, emotionally exhausting thing to go through (in my opinion), to say the least. I send you lots of love and healing energy, I'm so sorry you also know how it feels to go through this. Peace be with you ❤

Fuck the "Justice system" for failing me once again by allowing the monster who killed my husband in cold blood to go free less than 2 years ago for another shooting offense... Fuck the fact that HE gets to choose how long we wait for court proceedings to happen. Fuck me for taking my husband for granted, and fuck this pain I have to live with forever 💔

I'm at the 8 month mark as well. It just seems to get harder to accept and deal with. I also am shocked to see how his family has left us on our own. Our newborn was 10 weeks old when my husband was murdered and everyone made so many promises to us and my teenage son from previous relationship... "You're family, we lost 1 but gained 3", "you will never need anything, we'll take care of you", "we promised Sam we would always have your back"... In my case all of those promises proved to be empty within a few weeks of losing him, but now 8 months longer and I am struggling so much with the disappointment I feel towards them... 8 months in and I feel more lost than when it was just yesterday... I feel I will never stop hurting, I will never feel whole again... I am thankful for my 2 boys but also feel I am failing them for being in such a deep and dark depression... This is the absolute hardest thing I have ever gone through and I feel more alone than ever right now.

My husband never got his band... But I love and cherish my ring so much!! I have gotten a few comments about it and it really bothered me that someone would have the nerve to question that! The fact that it made me question myself bothers me more... This is such a difficult and confusing process. I feel so lost. The only thing I'm sure of is my love for him and my love for my kids and those who have remained close to me during such horrible times. I don't feel like myself. I am really struggling. I bought a chain to wear my ring on but I will keep my ring on my finger where it belongs as long as I feel like it. I have not stopped being his wife and in my heart I never will. Thanks to everyone who has commented. I pray we all find comfort and peace through this process...

Hey all... So apparently this is normal. But 4 months out and suddenly I am alone, none of my own 2 friends and none of His family to hear/listen/talk etc.... For those of you who were also very alone and had limited friends they could lean on. How did you cope? Any tips on passing the time when you're down and depressed and tired of reaching out to the wrong people who don't really care? I have 2 kids, one teenage and one newborn. My family doesn't really understand. I feel alone and angry. Please share your input/experience. All are welcome and appreciated!!! Love and light to all. 💚

Hi everyone... I've been debating whether I want to keep wearing my ring or if I want to invest in a nice necklace to wear it around my neck... I love my husband dearly and I am still very much married to him "in my mind"... But I find myself looking down at my ring on my finger and getting so depressed at the reality that he is gone. I'm just curious to know how soon or how long it took you all to take that step? Obviously, if I feel like wearing it on my finger any day I will... But for now it just seems to cause me more sadness, although I want to keep wearing it forever. Not sure if anyone else has felt this way? Thanks and wishing you all a peaceful and blessed weekend ❤

Thanks again to you all... I have started counseling and am hopeful it will help me through the struggles I am having to cope with his loss... After giving this a lot of thought I realize I'm just not ready for anything romantic. I do agree I was probably trying to fill the emptiness but I do not want to mess up my friendship based on something that will very likely not last. When I am ready, if he is still around then maybe we can give it a shot... But I think I need a more mature man and one with less baggage although who knows? Maybe it could work one day. I'm not totally closed to it but right now I know is not the right time. I miss my husband so much. It's hard to believe this is something I will have to live with forever. I'm only 31! 😢 I never thought I would lose him like this. Thanks to everyone who has responded. I truly appreciate all of your input more than I can express! Xo

Thank you to everyone who has replied. You all have very valuable insight into this that I just don't have and I appreciate everyone who has offered their response. I agree with all of it. I think I am missing my husband so bad and not knowing how to be alone makes this "option" that much more appealing. But it is messy. He has kids and 2 different baby's mothers. He sends some mixed signals sometimes. I think I am just so desperate to feel a connection again, to feel loved and have someone to talk to. I don't really have any friends outside of my mom and dad. So I think maybe I am clinging to a "friendship" for other reasons although we do have a connection and fairly good understanding of one another... just over the course of today he made me feel confused and unsure and I know this is the last thing I need right now! Thank you all for your input and please keep it coming! It helps so much to hear from people who actually understand what I'm going through. I feel so alone so I'm grateful for all of you and I'm also very sorry we are all struggling through such painful losses. But it does help to know I'm not alone. So thank you all ❤

Hello everyone. I am new here, I joined a couple months ago but this is my first post. I was widowed on January 29th this year and lost my husband to a very senseless act of violence. We just had a baby in November and my husband had helped me raise my older son from the time he was 7 (he's now 14)... After his death, I was left not knowing who to trust (the person who killed him was his "friend") and having a very hard time adjusting to losing my best friend and only person in the world I felt really knew me and understood me as deeply as he did... I ended up reaching out to several old friends that I had lost touch with and one of them is someone I've known since 4th grade. We had a short lived fling of sorts years ago, before I met my late husband, but it was never much more than a physical relationship... He has been so incredibly supportive these last couple months and I am seeing him under a different light but at the same time I am still so depressed and struggling with the loss of my husband. Is it crazy for me to consider dating this friend now? I feel guilty and somewhat wrong for having these feelings so soon but at the same time I don't feel like I can fight them either. He makes me feel good, he makes me laugh and feel safe... even though I am constantly thinking of my husband, my friend has a way of putting me at ease whenever he's around or even just when we're talking on the phone. What are your opinions on how I should go forward with things? Too soon to be romantically involved with someone? Too messy? Or should I allow myself the comfort of feeling loved and cared for while I continue to mourn my husband? I'm so torn on what to do. I miss my husband desperately and would do anything to have him back but I also know I have to move forward with my life without him. I want to honor him but I also am having strong feelings for my friend that I'm not sure I want to ignore. Help please. Any experience with this? All of your input is greatly appreciated!! Love and Light to All ❤