Love2fish

The first time brought me to a place of understanding about love that made the second time magical.  I found a goddess.  I don't think I could have met her when I was young.  I would not have had the wisdom to see her for what she truly was.  I am lucky and grateful that I had both experiences.

Thank you for your story Donna.  After losing my second I am as overwhelmed with gratitude as I am with grief.   

Puzzles sounds like a great way to focus your  mind on something  neutral.  I think I will get out.a jigsaw puzzle tomorrow and give that a try. I just finished a different sort of puzzle, sorting my sweethearts jewelry.  Untangling chains, matching up earrings, putting them all in little baggies so the ladies in her family can pick out what is meaningful for them.  Of course there were a few triggers in that job but just doing something with my mind and hands was therapeutic.  Thanks for the idea of puzzles MB.

On 4/6/2019 at 9:12 AM, laurie27 said:

 .....spend the day crying, ...........totally normal. I am learning to live again, but it is not easy. 

That is great to hear.   Totally normal and healthy. 

I like the part you added to the end.  We do have to learn to live again.  If you are aware enough to know that you are capable of making it so.

Have you been getting out?

Sunday mid afternoon report.   I was right, this was the most gigantic bago of my life.  As the attendees know already, this was my memorial service for my sweetheart who passed away one month ago.   She would have loved this entire weekend.  Thank you very much to all who came.  💓

Wishing you many more "fine" moments Melisa.

I have sent PMs to everyone who I think is coming.  If I missed someone or if you'd like to add your name to the gathering please let me know.  This is going to be a small group if you are counting heads,  it's going to be gigantic if you can measure the hearts.

On 3/25/2019 at 11:47 AM, Bunny said:

there is just this added element in my heart that takes my tears to a different level. I am, in a strange way, grateful for it. 

I've been saying this to myself and wondering if I was just nuts.  I probably am nuts but I think the different level has to do with having reached a deeper level of love.  With DW my heart grew three sizes during her last year.  I never imagined that I could love someone that deeply.  This month I lost NG and I found another deeper level of love.  It is a humbling experience and I am grateful for it.  The tears which flow so easily now are all bought and paid for.  Might as well use em.

4 minutes ago, amanita said:

Hi Love2fish,

 

I heard of this gathering from Captain's Wife, and --if you'll have us--my 3 year old daughter and I would love to come on Saturday afternoon. I don't go on the Widda site much, but we did venture out to a bago at JeanGenie's house in Belchertown, MA about a year and a half ago. I definitely recognize some of the names on this thread from that gathering.

 

Anyhow, we live relatively close by in the Keene, NH area. We'd love to come by on the afternoon of the 6th for a few hours.  My daughter will be shy for a few minutes and then won't leave you alone. She's well-versed in sorrowful adult behavior revolving around self-medication:) I'll bring some of my favorites. 

 

I'll contact you privately for the address, Love2fish, and I look forward to meeting and re-meeting fellow widdas!

-Maia

I love the way you craft a phrase Amanita.  You and your daughter (muscaria?) will fit in very nicely I am sure.  This will all be family friendly.

A nibble would be welcome but not necessary.  Hold the wine unless you are staying over and you are planning on drinking what you bring.  I've got a decent liquor & wine selection which I use very little of.  My preference for self medication is herbal.

I am planning on ordering out pizza or Asian for however many we have around dinner time.

Breakfast on Sunday will be mushroom & veggie frittata with a 20% chance of pancakes.  Something I know I can do.

I look forward to meeting you rifatheroffour.  I will be present the whole time, whatever that turns out to be.

We still have rooms for at least two people to stay the night.  

15 hours ago, laurie27 said:

Hi everyone, I lost my husband of 33 years just three weeks ago. This site has helped me realize there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I stayed in bed until 5:00 this morning, I have been getting up at 3:00, so this is progress. I also have a hard time going out at night, as the idea of coming home to an empty house is very difficult for me.

I am sorry you lost your husband.  I’m happy that you found WIDDA and that it is already helping you.  I see that this was your first post. Keep them coming. It is good that you have progress with sleeping. Now let’s work on making it ok to go out more.  

I know, that feeling really sucks.  When I suffered from anxiety if an acorn hit the roof over me the sound scared me like it was canon fire. I stayed in the house for three days because I felt incapable of driving.  I could barely take care of myself.  I cannot imagine how anyone can push through that and take care of three kids.  That would be beyond my ability.  

A beautiful thought LF.  Thank you. 

I have a room with a full size sleep sofa and another room with full size bed.  I don’t think we will need any tents, we need more wids. 

Hello LadyJJ,

i am so sorry that you have to deal with all of that.  That is a lot to handle!

Depression and anxiety disorder alone can be debilitating.  My DW suffered under their weight for years.  I did my best to understand her pain but only those who have actually felt those pains can truly understand.   I did suffer myself from anxiety a few years after losing DW. Mine was caused by the sleeping pill Ambien. I was completely disabled for several weeks. My cure was easy, all I had to do was quit the Ambien. I wish it were that easy for you'. I think you may be stronger than you feel. 

Be well

Count me in the “triggers can be our friends school of thought”

Most of them sneak up on me like thieves. I get a small sense of control when I’m the one choosing the time and place. 

I am also a firm believer that I have a kind of debt to pay for the blessings I have enjoyed. The currency of that debt is heartbreak and tears. If I make my daily payment early in the morning I can go most of the day before another is due. 

3 hours ago, Virgo said:

Love2fish I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you two had each other even for a short time. 

Thank you and you are on the right track about short time.  It was the most intense love of my life.  I lost something precious but I have new family.  By mutual agreement I have a step son, daughter, and sister.  We've all gotten close the last few months and wish to keep it that way.  My sweetheart is still giving me treasure.

3 minutes ago, Virgo said:

You've just echoed what my girlfriends have been telling me. You're also right about me feeling like it won't last. He is the only man that I've been with other than my LH who makes me feel vulnerable. Thanks for talking, and the well wishes. Why are you down?

I think you were replying to me Jen,

re. why I am down.  I re-coupled 2 1/2 years ago.  I lost her last Friday, March 8 to cancer.  I have no regrets about the relationship.  I would do it again and I plan on doing it again when the time is right.

That article Leadfeather linked to is worth reading. The 5 phases mentioned in the article remind me of the phases of loss.  It's important to know that no two experiences are the same.  Some of us go through all the phases in order and some of us mix it up or skip certain phases completely.  

4 hours ago, Wheelerswife said:

I don’t have anything impeding me at this point. 

51 minutes ago, hachi said:

I have a tent! LOL

As moderator I declare we have a quorum and the motion is passed. 

WW, Hachi, and I will be here both days, April 6 & 7.  Everyone else is free to join us either day or both days.  Please let me know either on this thread or via private message.  The details re. the address etc. will be sent to you via private message.

Now would be a good time to hear from any lurkers.  You are tempted to come but it's a little intimidating.  Do you dare venture out to a strange town to meet a group of strangers?  Pro tip in case you haven't done this yet. Click on a few of the usernames above.  That will take you to the member's profile page where you can view the most recent posts by that member.  Read a few of those posts and in no time at all you will develop a good picture of who we are.  Strangers no more.  We'll keep a light on for ya.

"It was sweet, but this is what worries me."

I think you just summed it up for yourself Virgo. You are afraid that this won't last.  You also know that you are the one holding the reins.  I'm betting that the team of horses takes the carriage home once you ease up on the reins.  I would like to see this happen.  I could use some cheering up right now myself.

All my best wishes for success with your NG. 

The daughters is something I never had to deal with but I appreciate that it is important to include them as much as possible.  Are they old enough to understand if you explain to them that this reunion is something you are exploring but not sure about yet?  I think kids can show more resilience if they have all the facts.

Rif can do the 7th and donswife can do the 6th.

Any possibility we could do two days?  I think that if I have some notice I could find local accommodations with friends and I have a guest room.

This is out in the country.  We could have a campfire for those staying over, weather per.  It can be a great time to walk in the woods as well.  

Can we have a show of hands, how many could do the 6th & 7th?

26 minutes ago, Virgo said:

I started talking to my ex. Maybe it's just me being vulnerable right now, or maybe it's me hoping it was our timing before. We started talking more in January, but after my dad died in February we started seeing each other again. 

I can identify with this.  Not the exact situation but the knowing you are vulnerable and wondering about exes.  I'm not a religious person but I believe in redemption.  And I'm also famous for bad choices so don't listen to me.

1 hour ago, DonnaP said:

Oh - shoot! We could have done the final weekend in March, but all of April is already taken. So sorry - do what works best for the majority. We still hope to host the group in West Boylston and will pick a date (looking like May now).

DonnaP and MrDrew

Oh double shoot :-(

May is a good idea for West Boylston. 

June will be Wells Maine again.