Sweetpea83

I appreciate the feedback. I have found that if I try not to look at things as a "victim" and just try to look past the situation, I do okay. I have a list of tasks to get done and things to sort out so I can start to cut ties with his friends and family. Then, I won't have to keep secrets from these people that loved him so much. I will simply start to have my own life. I will still try to remember the good thoughts. I will try to stop using "we", "ours", and "us" in conversation and focus on me. I realize that it takes two people to make a relationship, so I am trying to learn from this whole mess and find out some things about myself that will make me better for the next relationship. As much as it sucks that everyone on this site has gone through such pain, I am finding that reading other people's stories and advice on here has been very positive for me. None of us are alone in what we are feeling. No two situations are the same, but there is a lot to learn from each other.

My hubby used to fall asleep on the couch and then crawl into bed next to me in the middle of the night. I still sleep on my side of the bed, I still put a pillow on his side, and I fall asleep with the radio on so that I have noise in the house. It is too quiet without someone else around. The house is so big and empty alone. The first few weeks after he passed I wore one of his t-shirts each day and slept in his spot on the couch with the tv on. I still wait for him to snuggle up at night. This site is so clever. It's comforting to know that there are so many people in the same boat. I have found so many helpful stories on here. Hang in there everybody!

I have had one of his friends say he had a dream about me hooking up with my hubby's brother. Did I think that would ever happen? Hell no. Not a chance. Haha

I found a song by Brett Eldridge that makes me cry is "Go on Without Me". Had the CD for a year and never noticed it (was the last song so I probably turned the CD off by then). It's a tear-jerker, but a good one. I also like: Midnight Rider- Allman Brothers Free Bird- Lynyrd Skynyrd Can't Always get What you Want- Rolling Stones Wild Horses- Rolling Stones

I just joined this page. Hope I am doing this properly. I lost my common-law partner in December 2016 just before Christmas. He died of pneumonia at the age of 42. I took him to the hospital, both thinking he just had a flu, and I watched him die in the emergency room that day while nurses pumped on his chest to re-start his heart. We had been together for 8.5 years. Never married, but planning to start a family this year. I loved him very much. That day was the hardest day of my life and the worst I have ever felt... until I opened his cell phone. It took a few days for the brain fog to clear enough to remember what his password was. On New Years day, alone with a bottle of wine, I looked through his cell. He had many photos of other women and many text messages with other women. He even had a screenshot of a login for a swingers website saved in his photos. I saw it and my heart sank. I had no idea anything was going on. And it was going on for what looks like a very long time. Years even. We were together most of the time, so I don't know when he had the time for all these others. If he had spent even half the time on me that he spent on these websites, messages, etc., I don't know that I could have ever been enough still. I feel betrayed. The best word I can come up with for him is "selfish". You don't buy a house and plan a family while you are doing things with other people. You can't expect to keep up both lives. My grief has been clouded over by anger. Any thoughts that pop in my head of him are about what I found on that phone. I haven't talked to my family, his family, or his friends about it. It isn't going to help anything to taint their memory of him with this. I don't know what to do with it. I have told very few people. I guess I was alone in the relationship long before I ever actually lost him. Just wondering if anyone else out there found out about their loved one being unfaithful after they passed??