lostwholesoul

"I do feel my husband left this earth when it was his time. Now l can see why he might not have been meant to continue with us." I long for this clarity. Always believed everything happened for a reason. After losing my DW, I am not so sure if I subscribe to it still.........

By definition, a narcissist is unlikely to seek help. Perhaps posting here is that first step.......... or not.

I would not put too much thought into external factors. Everything mentioned above is valid. However, it only matters how you feel. Don't let others' perceptions dictate what you want to do. If you are undecided then don't do anything. It's been 2 years, 1 month, 8 days since I last held my DW. I still wear mine. Wore hers around my neck but just have it hanging on a chain next to our bed now. No plans to change in the immediate future. All subject to change how I feel. Not anyone else. As for comments or observations; I would just handle them as best as you feel like at that time. You don't have to apologize for anything that you want or do not want to do. You can choose to tell them a lot, nothing, a version of the truth, or a straight-up lie. Your call! I was at a birthday party very recently and someone commented on my ring. They didn't know but others did about my loss. I didn't make a big deal out of it. The person didn't have ill intentions or a lecture. Just light casual conversation. I answered the questions posed and left it at that. I have also snapped back (in the past) at others that have tried telling me what I ought to do as well. I have a very crystal clear idea of what I don't want. Still working on what I do want...... Everything in time. Still haven't taken her clothes out of the room. I get the odd look/conversation about that from time to time. I start to get the lecture of"It's not healthy, this, or that......." conversation. I . don't. care. You shouldn't either. No-one can tell you what to do or how to move. And NOT move-on/forward/etc. I'm moving. That's as good as it gets for today. No-one has the right to tell you how to manage your feelings and emotions. Your loss, your rules...... This site helps a great deal to not feel isolated, awkward, and insane. Tho, all of that still comes regularly... I am so sorry you are here in this "club"......

Wow, I thought I was losing it.... Well, I am, but... not alone in doing so at least. I'm at 1 year, 5 mos, 12 days. Am trying to get back to work. I have been working but I have been half-assing it. In sales so it can hurt a bit in doing so. Oh well. Tis my reality. Just came out of our wedding anniversary. Would have been 20 years married, 25 together. Two hours into the calendar change of our actual anniversary I have essentially lost my shit... Aside from a few business appts, I have not been able to stop crying. Emotions are welling up. Trying to stay busy, but that and keeping a focus and any level of concentration has been like achieving world peace. Sounds good in theory, but has not even been a remote possibility of achieving.... Have tried being productive with honey do chores and business. Just default back to the melancholy state pretty quick. I am exhausted. Utterly exhausted. Don't have the energy to work out (started back up last month) or anything that I set out to accomplish. Be easy on myself. Blah blah. I am a wreck. If I was to create a superhero, I would be apathetic asshole man...... Going nowhere fast and leaping nothing but FB, phone games, and a movie (in home of course) here or there. I am just tired of being tired. Of being sad and despondent. Tired of looking forward to "allllllll the possibilities" this new chapter in life has to offer. I'm just tired of being exhausted.... Sorry to not add anything of value here. Just needed to.... I am not even sure what I needed to do......

Hey Rebecca, So sorry...... I lost my wife unexpectedly four days after you lost your husband. I only recently found this website. I don't know if you come on here still. This whole "process" is exhausting. Reading, writing, crying, trying to find something in a life that you no longer care for... I wish there was something that can be said. I can only say what we all seem to say. I get all that you are feeling, unfortunately. This wasn't supposed to happen. We had plans and another 30 years...... It just sucks...... God I miss her.

Jack, I don't know if you're still reading this. I just recently found this site. Lost my wife 6 mos, 8 days ago. Not big on forum's either, but am finding this is, well I'm not sure what it is, but it's something to know that there is a group of people that really get what this feels like. The platitudes are shit and most time I fight the urge to say their good intentions are in fact shit, but realize they just don't get it.... "Just need to move on/forward", "she would want you to be....." I just despise these things. I'm not canonizing my wife, but she was the most incredible person and she saved me. Ok, maybe I am immortalizing her. I was the asshole and she was a saint. Well other than her backseat driving suggestions that drove me nuts (God, how I wished I could here her "correcting" me while driving......). We had plans of growing old and living life. So, I wish I could offer some pearl of wisdom, but quite frankly I am over life too. I hate this new reality. I hate this person I supposedly must rediscover. I loved my wife, my life, being married. I see how I have evolved from the first day and it is one tiny inch and one tiny breath at a time. Yet, here I am still not wanting to do life without her. I have a family. I have an incredible family that truly loves me. They are very supportive, pure love, and the last things to keep me "connected" since they are a part of my wife. I know I need to be there for them too. I'm not suicidal, but rationally think that I should be with my wife more than here. I mean if we are truly soulmates (don't care if it's overused, we were it to one another) then what good am I doing without her? We were always stronger and better together. I used to call us wonder-twins (powers activate). It was a dumb cartoon way back in the day, but the idea was together we were so much better (minus the actual sister/brother thing, which led to another crass joke I would say to her) than apart. We just did everything together. So, what the hell can I do that is worthwhile here without the love of my life? Yeah, I can love my family and be there for them, but what am I really doing here........ I am not helping your cause whatsoever..... Guess, just letting you know you're not nuts in thinking what you are thinking. Though, I think I am bat-shit crazy most days........

This post is a bit old, but I just found this site a couple days ago. I am at six months, four days. My wife did the paperwork and mail. I HATE both. Didn't even go to the mailbox. That all changed of course. Except for the occasional letter I needed to deal with, I just stacked it all in the office, unopened. I just went through six months worth of mail and filed almost all of it. Went and purchased the little blue folders with the two prongy things she liked to use for new items and organized like she would have. It was daunting and exhausting. But, I did it.... Minor, but felt huge to me.......

Nailed it. I'm 6mos, 4 days in and I still hate lying about this question, but am told to not be so honest. I guess these people could ask what is the expectation from me of how to say hi. I haven't figured out what I want them to say to me, but I damn sure know that this isn't it. All the platitudes are just fillers of time and space. When I do start talking, I mean really talking, they are not fully prepared to handle. So, I just keep most of it bottled up. This site is a place where I think we all get each other. Thank you for sharing.

I just came across this website. I am 6 months, 4 days in. I have gone through the 6mos-1 year posts and am now back-tracking through 1-6 mos posts. I sure wish I had come across this site sooner. Perhaps I wasn't ready for it. This letter embodies it all....... sigh....... Nice to be around people who get where I am at. Kind of twisted I just used the word nice to describe hell....... Yet, I think everyone gets it...