Jack,
I don't know if you're still reading this. I just recently found this site. Lost my wife 6 mos, 8 days ago. Not big on forum's either, but am finding this is, well I'm not sure what it is, but it's something to know that there is a group of people that really get what this feels like. The platitudes are shit and most time I fight the urge to say their good intentions are in fact shit, but realize they just don't get it.... "Just need to move on/forward", "she would want you to be....." I just despise these things. I'm not canonizing my wife, but she was the most incredible person and she saved me. Ok, maybe I am immortalizing her. I was the asshole and she was a saint. Well other than her backseat driving suggestions that drove me nuts (God, how I wished I could here her "correcting" me while driving......). We had plans of growing old and living life. So, I wish I could offer some pearl of wisdom, but quite frankly I am over life too. I hate this new reality. I hate this person I supposedly must rediscover. I loved my wife, my life, being married. I see how I have evolved from the first day and it is one tiny inch and one tiny breath at a time. Yet, here I am still not wanting to do life without her. I have a family. I have an incredible family that truly loves me. They are very supportive, pure love, and the last things to keep me "connected" since they are a part of my wife. I know I need to be there for them too. I'm not suicidal, but rationally think that I should be with my wife more than here. I mean if we are truly soulmates (don't care if it's overused, we were it to one another) then what good am I doing without her? We were always stronger and better together. I used to call us wonder-twins (powers activate). It was a dumb cartoon way back in the day, but the idea was together we were so much better (minus the actual sister/brother thing, which led to another crass joke I would say to her) than apart. We just did everything together. So, what the hell can I do that is worthwhile here without the love of my life? Yeah, I can love my family and be there for them, but what am I really doing here........
I am not helping your cause whatsoever..... Guess, just letting you know you're not nuts in thinking what you are thinking. Though, I think I am bat-shit crazy most days........