CourtneyR

Bromans, I must have logged in here at the right time because I just thinking all the same things. I go to work everyday and can't feel any passion or even will to do a good job. I used to love coming into work and wanted to do my very best everyday but now I don't see the point. Everyday I hear co-workers complain about bullshit work problems and I want to scream. Every week I get a little more willingness get up and go but it's still a struggle (it's been about 2 months). I know it will get better some days it just doesn't feel like it will soon enough.

It's been just about a month since my partner passed away suddenly from a heart attack. He was only 36 and had no prior health issues or symptoms. While technically we weren't married, we lived together for 8 years and i found out only after his death he was planning on finally proposing this summer. That alone has been hard since some people in his family won't recognize me as his widow. By definition I guess I'm not but we shared a life together and we're planning a future together. The loneliness is killing me now. I'm an only child and always thought I was okay being alone but this pain is like nothing I could ever imagine. Now that's it's been over a month people around me have gone back to their normal lives and aren't reaching out like they were two weeks ago. I knew this would happen but it doesn't make it suck less. People at work look at me with sad eyes or just ignore me. I know in my gut it will get better at some point and I will learn to live with this but it's so hard to see that now. I wish there was a way to fast forward through the pain.