sdarrah1130

Thank you for having us.  I was wonderful to be with people who get it. 

Apparently my E was a hoarder of computer parts.  I recycled 5 CPU's (computer towers), 4 monitors, 1 printer, 1 mouse and 2 keyboards today.

I am also confirming for tomorrow. 

I'm excited and nervous to meet everyone.

I posted earlier about the signs I find/see shamrock's and finding change.  I have to tell you about the Darn raccoon in my backyard.

It was the 2nd or 3rd day I had been back home after E's funeral.  We have a very large tree in our backyard and our yard is fenced.  So I get home from whatever I was doing and let the dogs out (3 dogs, 42-85 lbs)  they run back to the tree/fence and start barking like MAD.  Usually it is the dogs behind us that they bark at and will calm down after a few minutes. 

I was putting on my sleepy clothes and they were still barking like crazy.  I go to my back door and start yelling for them to come in with absolutely NO response.  I started to get nervous that someone was in my back yard.  My neighbor (SIL) is yelling at the dogs out her window.  So I grab a little flash light, put my snow boots on (still 1 1/2 foot of snow) and slowly make my way into the back yard. 

As I shine the light around the yard and fence, I see these 2 glowing eyes.  There is a HUGE raccoon sitting on the top of my fence making the dogs go nuts.  Did I mention that there was a foot and a half of snow and it was the first weekend in March?  I manage to wrangle 2 of the dogs in the house however my barker was still at it.  He is very agile and always seems to elude my wrangling technique.  So as I am trying to get him into the house, I fall in the snow. 

I finally get him in the house, I am soaking wet, fuming mad and my SIL calls. I am almost yelling on the phone how E is messing with me and I am now covered in 7 layers of crap as fell in the snow after the looong snowy winter we had.  When I finally sat down and thought about it.  I could see my husband sitting on the couch laughing and giggling in the way he did about the whole fiasco. 

It has been about 7 weeks since this incident and I have NOT seen that raccoon again.  I miss that sometimes wicked sense of humor.

(((Hugs)))) JustJen.

I was actually doing laundry the day he collapsed at work and continued to do a few loads while he was in the hospital thinking he needs clean sleepy pants when he came home.  I knew he wouldn't be going back to work for a while after the hospital so I saved those for last.  Thank goodness I did.

Thinking of you JustJen

I accomplished this yesterday but couldn't find the thread.

Bought 2 Rubbermaid containers.  Folded E's dirty uniforms, the only thing I have with his smell and placed them in 1  container.

Cataloged video games.  I'm packing them and offering them to his siblings. 

Swept the basement. 

I guess I got a lot done.

Follow the link below to check out the 2 Day Upper Trip

Now....do you want me to book like a 2 day Upper New Trip (either camping in already standing tents or bunkhouses) Or...Do you want to let everyone depending on their interests just pick own adventures and different groups go and meet up each day for dinner, etc.

 

They have 4 bedroom deluxe cabins..sleeps 10...or if families/couples/individuals chose pick there own.

http://www.adventuresonthegorge.com/vacations/getaway-vacations/new-river-getaways/upper-new-river-1-day

Hi Sandi1970 - I am 80% in.  I am just working on dog sitters and should have confirmation by mid week. 

Thanks for the invite and setting everything up.  I am looking forward to meeting everyone.

My E leaves me subtle signs. He never believed in the "stuff" however, I do.

My family and friends have been randomly finding penny's and change.  The strangest one was the Euro from Ireland I found on my night table.  We traveled there last year for E's 40th birthday.  I could have sworn up and down that we gave all of the "leprechaun money" to our niece as she was doing a report on Ireland for school.  Well I woke up one morning and right there next to my cell was a 10 cent Euro from Ireland.  I was dumbfounded and I knew he was just saying don't forget.

The other one that gets me is the Shamrock's..... I see shamrock's in the strangest places at the strangest times.  E was Irish and all of his tattoos has some type of Irish theme including a black shamrock on his forearm (first tattoo).  It was just before Easter a few weeks after St. Patrick's day (favorite holiday) and my mom, sister, SIL and niece/nephew were going to an Easter Egg Hunt.  We had to park a mile away and a shuttle picked us up.  As the shuttle pulled up there were Shamrocks ALL OVER the vehicle.  After that I was at work and one of my coworkers had a folder on here desk with shamrock's all over it.  Then I happened to flip channels one night and came across NCIS.  I do NOT watch this show.  The episode started with the actors all dressed in St. Patrick's gear and one of the first lines of the show was "It's a little late for Shamrocks isn't it?"  This was after St. Patrick's day.  I think this is my favorite sign of them all.

I hate that when I tell people I miss having someone to talk to when I am at home, they say "just call me if you want to talk".

I don't mean I want to talk, I want/miss the conversations and banter with my E.

Sugarbell, I'm tentatively in depending on the dates. (Just a crazy time of year) I just looked up the Adventures website and everything sounds great. 

I'm a camper so I'm up for the outside/camping in any way shape or form.

Keep me updated on your responses and let me know final dates/prices.

Thank you for putting this together. 

 

 

Okay said I hate being ALONE enough.  SIgh

I hate coming home to an empty house!!  I have something to tell you and you are not here to listen and talk back.

Thanks for the info Sugarbell!

I'm in for just about anything.  Sounds like a fun get away.  I could use some fun.

Sandy- E's Wife

I hate that I count the hours.....

Get to work, 7.5 hours until I go home.

Get home, 2 hours until dinner (normally when E would get home from work)

Dinner, 3 hours until bed time.

Bed time, I hate that I question how many times I will be up and IF I will be able to sleep.

Morning, start all over again.

Weekends, I hate that I constantly watch the clock. 

Sandy - E's Wife

Well, the emotional crash happened Monday morning at work.  I was utterly useless for 2.5 hours. 

Luckly, I have a fantastic sister who let me unload on her, awsome co workers that let me just be...

I was able to pull it together and focus for the afternoon. 

thanks for the online support!

Sandy - E's wife.

It has been 5.5 weeks since E passed away.  I was kind of dreading this day (Easter) as this is the first "holiday" without him. 

I spent the day, as we would usually do with his family.  I was actually very comforted being with them all day. 

I brought Magic cards (a card game played by my hubby and BIL) and OLD baseball cards to their house.  It was FANTASTIC to watch 2 of my BIL and nephew sit on the floor and go through each card.  My on BIL mentioned how one of the boxes had numbers on the lid and that was their system of marking which cards of the set they were missing. 

My nieces and nephew searched for eggs, we had brunch and dinner.  It was like E was right there with us.  He was never in the craziness of the family, but always hanging with the kids discussing what ever was on their minds.  We talked about E and I could see him rolling his eyes at us every minute discussing how he played the sax in high school and how he related with his youngest brother through the card game Magic and online gaming.

It was very comforting being with his family and knowing everyone there was in essentially the same boat as I was.  They laughed and commented like he was standing right there. 

I will probably emotionally crash tomorrow but I have to say,  today was a pretty good day. 

Happy Easter!

Sandy - E's wife

I have a small food saver and it is fantastic for one.  A few coworkers and friends have made me food and a bit more than I could eat.  The food saver allowed me to freeze the extra in single serving portions.  BTW, single serving portions SUCK. 

I was so excited one day when I opened the freezer and thought I had a whole container of chili frozen.  Well I defrosted it, went to stir it and .................. Fricken pasta sauce!  OOOOOoooo I was so mad!  I was looking forward to the meat after 3 weeks of nothing but carbs (first few weeks after E died).  The following week I made a huge crock pot of chili, had some for dinner one night, waited until it cooled and food saved the rest.  I have plenty of chili now. 

Sandy - E's wife

when do people usually chat?

Sandy-E's wife

I'm up in CLE and may be interested in a weekend get away with people who "understand".

Let me know dates, prices. 

It has been 1 month today that E passed away. 

I went to the 12:00 mass and pretty much cried through the whole thing.  After mass I visited the restroom to wash my face prior to heading back to work. 

The woman in the bathroom asked if I was ok and I told her why I was crying.  She said "I lost my mother 3 years ago, I know how you feel." 

I guess it really wasn't insensitive but I really wanted to slap her. 

Sandy - E's wife.

So, it has now been 26 days.  All of the "paperwork" and technical things  are done.

The last few days have been the toughest so far and I know I have a long way to go.  My heart is still waiting for him to walk in the door but my brain knows that is not going to happen.

My emotions have been overwhelming at times.  I thank the dear lord that I have the support system I do because I don't think I could it without them.

Thanks for listening and all of the advice

Sincerely,

Sandy - E's wife

I only visited ywbb for a very short time prior to the shut down. 

There was a "library" of recommended books that I never got a look at.  Well honestly, everything was too new for me to even think about a book. 

Can you post some recommendations?

Thanks,

Sandy - E's wife

I cleaned my bathroom today.

Last week the attempt put me in a tailspin.  I kept reminding myself today that  I'm not washing him away and I will put things back where they belong.

Sandy -E's wife

My Name is Sandy and I lost my husband Eric on 02/26/2015, 22 days ago.  Eric and I started dating in 1992 when he was 18 and I 21, we dated for almost 3 years.  We broke up for 5 years and reunited in 2001 we were married in November of 2002.  E was diagnosed with high BP and End Stage Renal Disease at 27. He receive a kidney transplant from his mother in 2003.

He had been ill (the flu) dehydrated for about 2 weeks, he went to his regular kidney appointment and they admitted him for dehydration.  He spent 3 days in the hospital getting fluids and attempting to eat.  He came home with still no appetite but knew he needed to eat.  He went back to work 2 days after the hospital as he is stubborn and if he "goes to work, I will feel better" "I just need to get back to work".  Saturday morning he woke up, checked his BP and his heart rate was a bit elevated, Took a shower, complained of nasal drip making his stomach upset, he kissed me goodbye (3 quick kisses), told me he loved me and left for work. 

I received a call from my MIL stating that his job called his dad and said he had a Heart attack.  I immediately call his job and they confirmed.  Panicing I called my brother and he drove me to the hospital in a blinding snowstorm as fast as he could.  When we got to the hospital the doctors said he had had a cardiac arrest that caused a heart attack.  They weren't sure if how long he was down so they put him into a medically induced coma for 24 hours.  We do not believe he was conscious at any time.

After the 24 hours was up, they warmed him but they discovered he had a bacterial blood infection that his body was fighting and  due to the hit to all organs the kidney was not filtering the sedation from his body.  They started a slow dialysis to help remove the sedation, toxins and infection from his body.  After 24 hours of dialysis he was beginning to open his eyes and the neurologist was getting some response.  We were cautiously optimistic. 

I went home that night anticipating more responses the next day.  I received a call from the hospital at 4:50 AM that my husband was not doing well and I needed to get to the hospital.  I called my MIL and we both were on our way.  When we arrived at the hospital they said his lung had collapsed and his heart stopped again.  He was having trouble with the vent and I knew this was it. 

Discussions with the doctors were not even close to hopeful.  Our biggest wish for my husband is that he was not baptised as a child however raised in a catholic household.  He always wanted to go through the classes and be baptized, anointed and confirmed.  We expressed out wishes to the nurses and hospital staff.  The hospital E was taken to is a faith based hospital and they were able to provide my husband, MIL and myself with our wish to have him baptized .  I believe that once he was baptized, anointed and confirmed he was at peace. 

We called his family (4 siblings), my family and our closest friends to come to the hospital.  I had to make the hardest decision and sign the most horrible paper in the world.  My husband was removed from all life support and passed away surrounded by his family and closest friends at 6:30 PM on February 26, 2015. 

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Sandy - E's wife

I keep a steno pad and pen with me at all times and write everything down. 

I actually started this when my husband was in the hospital to make sure I understood what the doc's were saying. 

Sandy - E's wife