Only one around me that truly knows how I feel is my MIL. She lost my husband's dad when he was a teen. So she has a general idea of the shit storm I'm in the middle of. Only she's 8 hours away.
I've never lived alone, and I've never parented alone. I feel overwhelmed by everything most of the time. And the smallest shit sets me off to tears.
Mil is talking about moving in with me, she's been looking for jobs in my area, but she's not sure.
Part of me hates that I look around and everything reminds me of him. But most of me is proud of what we built and who we were together.
I miss the stuff that used to drive me crazy. Pop bottles left on the counter or nightstand, hair on the bathroom sink, socks on the floor by the couch, his code red mountain dew in the fridge... Because without them I know he is gone. That doesn't make sense to most people I guess.
We were happy. We had plans. We finally got things to a stable, Apple pie sorta life. And here I am, with nothing but memories and shattered dreams.
Mostly how do I raise 2 kids to remember daddy and know he was amazing, when my son won't remember him at all? How do they deserve to grow up without him?