Stagger Onward Rejoicing

6 years out and what I miss is the two of us,supporting each other and being interested in each other. A friend of mine came to visit for a few days and while I had to work, it was great to come home to someone at the end of the day. It made me realize what I am missing. I miss coupledom, it is natural to me.

Yes, it is so extremely weird. Just another way we are reminded of what they are missing, and what we are missing with them.

Also me, eastern Pennsylvania - Lehigh Valley.

For me it was time spent with my brothers in law. We're scattered so I don't see them much but when I do, their faces and their mannerisms remind me so much of DH that it stops me in my tracks. My son closely resembles his father's side of the family, and when I saw him sitting next to his uncle - well, let's just say it was painful. My boy was sitting next to the wrong brother.

It's my son's birthday today. His sixth since his dad died. He is doing so very well, by any standard. But.... My mom, my dad, and of course my husband were a big part of that amazing day. And they're all dead now. I wish my husband could see his son, a fine young man. I wish he were here with me so we could shake our heads at each other and say, "Remember?" and "Where did the time go?"

It'll be six years in December. I tried dating sites and got nowhere. Currently using an expensive matchmaking service - just okay, but since I met my husband so young it's good to dip my toe in the dating scene since I barely did any at all. I have achieved a lot in the past six years and most important our kids are fine. But I think finding someone to share my life with is the big big hurdle that lies between me and true happiness. I am fine alone, I truly am. But I am made to share my life with someone.

My son left for college eight months after his dad died, and his sister two years after that. It was so hard to say goodbye to them because I was also saying goodbye to the part of me that took care of three other people. I frogmarched my son to the counseling center when I dropped him off, so he could know where it is. He did end up using it. He is 24 on Friday, has a great girlfriend, did well in school and is interviewing for a great job tomorrow. His sister is a senior in college, also doing well, has a great boyfriend. So they're both doing well by any measure but it will never never ever be okay that they have achieved all this without their father being there to celebrate with them and wipe a tear away with me. And that he will never know the people who will likely be their spouses. He would have liked both of them so much.