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AAhhh Arneal you have a way with words! I will only use one that works in every relationship,  

COMPRIMISE , it works when both people use it and think of the other with love and kindness....

17 hours ago, Love2fish said:

Let's get this thread back on topic.  Laughs.  I'm doing meet & greets again already.  That in itself is a topic but skip that for now.  I'm on a dating website looking for a lady my age or younger.  I use a computer most of the time.  I just added the app to my iPad and the first time I used it was awkward.  As I was scrolling through my search results I spotted a stunning red head.  As is my habit I hit the Like button.  Then I spot that she is 10 years my senior!  I am a septuagenarian and I've got a M&G tomorrow with an octogenarian.  Be careful when you switch platforms and are using an app for the first time. 

Hmmmm….. My dh was 18 yrs older than me , I'm now 55 so I will leave the math up to you, lol...

The relationship was fantastic  

SB I think you should do what YOU feel is right for YOU!  If you don't feel like it's something you can find any semblance of any kind of agreeableness in then step away....

Meet up with him afterwards, you know? 

Sometimes people have to agree to disagree, just saying.

And girl, you already know as long as you have been coming here, do what is best for YOU! Love ya SB, I know you will do what is right for you and be ok

Hope I made sense with what I was saying. 

5 hours ago, klim said:

I'm 6 yrs out and slowly got rid of his stuff...but I kept his dress shirts and ties. Mostly because he had good taste. My sons ( now 21 and 23 ) don't need to get dressed up often, but when they do, I just let them shop n their dad's closet. Actually it happened just this week when my son had to look for a job.

I actually make memory quilts , I took my dh's button up car and Hawaiian shirts that he loved and made my quilt out of those. I really need to post a pic of it cause it came out so pretty...

I say for anyone keep whatever makes you feel ok with what your going through. DON'T LET ANYONE tell you what to let go of unless it is the courts or the law!

Blessings to all of you...

2 hours ago, faye said:

That is what I've experienced and observed.  Someone acquiesces to a FWB relationship in the hope that the other person will eventually fall in love. As in many situations in love and life, hope is disappointment deferred.

Every single time!

This has been a really good topic! The one thing I noticed is everything everyone said, and please correct me if I'm wrong, is that someone in the fwb relationship "always" develops more feelings for the other person then what was supposed to have been part of the "fwb" thing.

I've never heard of these working out for anyone, at least I haven't . Maybe there is someone out there it works for, or maybe there is someone where the two people finally realize that they belong together. Who knows?

Good luck to those of you who have the guts to go for it!  

Quote

 

Also another thing to consider, as much as she says she is "ok" with this many women are emotional creatures. As much as we don't want to let our feelings get involved they do!

Her feelings are already involved! If I were you , I would NOT do it unless you are looking to have a good time then lose a friendship..... just my opinion.....

Broken hearted for this mother. Prayers aren't enough at this time, but all I can give, and I will give them hoping it will hold her and the rest of her family together during this horrific tragedy.😥😥

What a perspective! I remember blending the families with dh, and I as difficult and hard as it was I wouldn't have changed anything! He ended up adopting my kids, what a blessing for us 😊.

Enjoy the journey...

Will keep all of you in my prayers. 

I've been places where my dh was really on my mind and had someone come up to me and say hi I have a message from your husband if that's ok, he wants you to know he's here and loves you. Now mind you these people were strangers to me!

I've also had our grandson who was born 2 days before he died say something about grandpa when he was approximately 18 months old! 

Just wish I would feel him more...

I remember you, and I'm sorry for your cousin. Sending thoughts and prayers...

Another thing to consider is, are you willing to have her read your thoughts and writings?

Maybe the two of you are that close, but perhaps you might want to keep some things to yourself away from family. 

Hope that makes sense...

Sorry to hear about your brother in law. 

I didn't say that none of it wasn't appreciated or helpful. I just said that statement or comment felt hurtful to me. I also stated that when you said I was angry that you were labeling me. 

It's easy to feel hurt or out of sorts when we can't hear another person's tone in written words. 

I have NO ill feelings towards you, just wanted you to know that I'm not angry. Just extremely hurt, devastated, disappointed and saddened by all the events that have taken place. That's all! 

(((HUGS)))

On 3/6/2019 at 8:57 AM, Captains wife said:

. I understand your anger (as is clear in your post) so maybe find an outlet 

CW I keep thinking about your response, especially this comment here. 

First let me say that it's hard to read someone's attitude or emotions in written form sometimes. 

I'm not angry, I am hurt,disappointed, devastated and even saddened. I know I have the right to be angry but I'm not!

You know when I have responded to your post as well as others I've always tried to be careful about not putting a hurtful label on any of you!

Your Comment was hurtful and judgmental when this is the place where we are supposed to be able to go to vent, share and open with out judgment. 

So next time if I share and if I am angry I will make sure to say that I am. At my age I have no problem saying so, thanks...

Just wanted to share that thought as I'm going through enough right now, but I'm not angry 🙂

So I will survive or die trying!

Thanks for all the love and support! CW, church is definitely not a place for me right now as they were some of the most back stabbing vicious people that helped the ex do what he did. 

Any way I discovered that I still have my since of humor or I have lost my mind completely! I moved into an apartment and on the 3rd day this guy with a white mullet introduces himself. Offers to help me move stuff, he has NO teeth, then says, "when we have sex "!

I looked at him and calmly said to him that he was crazy and creepy, and he needs to get away from me because I never gave him or anyone else the idea or impression of any of that!

BTW , I paid for movers so no one helped but them

My apartment is next door to the owner with extra security:) and my dog is here to...🙂

5 hours ago, Toosoon2.0 said:

Hi.  I just wanted to say that I've had a rough year.  I don't think it is grief as much as it is just a lot of sh*t all at once and I'm getting older and you know, hormones.  I am sure it mostly looks pretty ok on the surface but we've had a lot of stress and illness and death and its just kind of made everything feel really heavy all of the time.  It piles up sometimes and leaves me feeling exhausted, reminding me of what grieving felt like but it isn't the same thing. 

 

One of the things I have tried to do to keep it all in perspective is to have reasonable expectations for a given day - and if that means I do nothing but stay away from the internet and drink tea and read a novel in my pajamas well then that can be good enough for a day.  I am sorry that you are suffering.  I am far away in southeastern PA but as Mike said, if there's something we here can do to help, please say so.  Be kind to yourself.  

Thanks toosoon. Wish a cup of tea was the answer and hormones was the problem but can't say it is!

Had the good ol hysterectomy 27 years ago, right when dh and I were trying to have a baby!

I'm sorry your having a rough year as well, hope that your tea and pj's bring you comfort, and I really mean that .

I just wish it was 1 year, I could do 1 year, Hell, I've done 1 year over and over and over......

Anyways, best of luck to you, I have to get back to moving again, whilst I ponder my reasonable expectations about life  

7 hours ago, tybec said:

Sunday rainy afternoon and under the weather, I stumbled across that hoarding show on TLC.  I heard of it, but never watched.  I heard sometime that most hoarders have a significant loss, usually suddenly, that triggers the behavior. I watched two hours 😲  Both ladies had lost their husbands suddenly and started this behavior.  One lady had food in her fridge, 15 yrs. old from her husband, unable to part with it. She was a teacher, and NO one, including her neighbors, had any idea. She looked fine on the outside, and hid it a home.  It made me terribly sad for them both.  And they were blind to their hoarding, still rationalizing it, minimizing it though one house was under foreclosure due to health reasons (the teacher). Not sure why I am sharing.  Made an impression on me. 

 

This site is helpful.

what I don't understand is how in the world do they afford it and their houses too? And most of those people don't seem bothered by it.

Thanks Julester

I'm by the space center in Florida

How about a moving party starting Thursday?

The weather is nice here  

Funny thing is I used to tell my kids that life isn't "fair", fair is where you go get on rides and have fun! That used to piss them off, lol

I know I will pull myself up by my boot straps as the ol saying goes, but damn I'm tired of the crap , ya know?

It would be nice if things would go ok for once, just once....

Know anyone who wants to buy a 2016 RV? It's really nice Selling it for $21,000 it's a pull behind 35 footer, 3 slide outs and I have clear title

It's mine, have all the details if anyone wants , let me know

Again thanks Mike and Jules, I knew I could come here and put my heart out and be real. ❤️

Thanks Mike😏

Just found out my dog is dying too, 😥, has cancer so doesn't have much longer. Vet won't do surgery and can't really afford it, but at least he can go with me.

All of us hear that it's going to get better with time! Well guess what? It's been 12 years now for me and it has NOT! 

My family turned away from me when they learned that there really isn't a death lottery , or wasn't one for me!

All my friends couldn't handle my sadness, and my best friend died too within the first year and a half!

My son had just gotten back from Iraq, couldn't handle losing dad, so he threw mom away too! No matter how many times I've reached out to him!

Everyone of our pets died within that first year right in front of me , like I was being punished for taking good care of him while he was sick or something!

Dh's only sister died within the year and half after him, and I got to the hospital just in time to see her taken off of life support, oh lucky me, NOT!

I allowed myself to be vulnerable and let someone in my life after 5.5 years, and he stole me blind! Little by little, he was poisoning me too!  But I should trust people? Really?

Because of that jerk had to sell my home of 26 years, daughter said I could live with her, she had come back home to many times to count, even had her baby 2 days before her dad died. Now 7 months later I'm having to move after staying in a camper instead of the extra bedroom, spending money I should be saving, cause she is to lazy to clean up and make room for mom like I did for her. Forget that I still haven't had the surgery I was suppose to have had a YEAR ago!

Oh, and she acts like it's no big deal! All I can do at this point is cry and feel used and like I've been thrown away again!

I've always been good to others, believing that what goes around comes back around good and bad. So I've done my best to be a good person and help others, not bother people when you shouldn't, and just be there for family and such. 

I'm so hurt that this is where it has gotten me!!!

All Alone and almost broke and on the streets, thanks friends and family!

Fuck this life I didn't sign up for! fuck the crazy ex who keeps stalking me, even though he is remarried now, not even a year later! Stalking me so much that I am the one who is having to move again because of his bullshit! FUCK HIM AND WHAT IT'S COSTING ME! I can't even settle in enough to get the damn surgery I need so badly, so I will probably run out of money and end up homeless somewhere, my biggest fucking fear in life! Now I'm pissed at dh for dying ! Again fuck this life I didn't sign up for, THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR BEING A GOOD AND KIND PERSON TO OTHERS!!!!

dh always made it special, but the only jerk I was with since his death 12 yrs ago did NOTHING! (thank goodness he is gone from my life)

Besides the anniversary of dh's passing was just 4 days before valentines, and I no longer have a valentines, so the sadness and loneliness just thicken, sigh.....

👑HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARNEAL ❤️, May your day be filled with love, happiness and many many blessings ! 

Many of us here are with you in spirit girl ! 😉

Have a great day, and a little secret between us ( I was the big 55 back in sept.) I will always be older than you girl, lol....

ENJOY your day, and please know what a blessing you are to me and others here, thank you for being YOU!

Much LOVE, xoxoxo

20 hours ago, tybec said:

Valid and diverse points.  

 

Portside,  

NG might say I over talk it all, including his wishes.  😉. It’s what I do.  NG wants to go ring shopping and stated to me I needed to show commitment by moving forward on this.  Waiting until custody hearing  is completed.  We have made outlines of plans only to change due to things with his children and ex.  This even included the home I purchased in his kids’ school district and less than 12 hrs later his ex changing the school district to the school a football field from his current home.  Waiting has afforded the opportunity to know each other better.  I understand your advice.  

 

NG communicated with an ex he dated for 18 months after his wife left.  No children.  Timing made it a great bond.  We have dated 3 yrs in March. 😊

 

reading about exs, and there are many many reasons to continue contact......& many reasons not to. 

Again time to lay out all the positives and negatives. Time to be brutally honest with yourself, and take the time YOU need to answer the questions YOU need answered.  Every relationship takes some work, but not so much that it wears you out all the time! 

I don't want to live in someone else's shadow, I want to make and be my own shadow for someone! Yes, we all have a past and it has helped make us who we are today. But we choose to keep the good parts and take the crap and learn from it!

All of us make mistakes too, otherwise how do we grow? Once we know better, aren't we supposed to do better? Another thing to think about. Sometimes being the grownup just sucks! lol

Best of luck and love to you Tybec❤️