cj

thinking of you and hope that the day was sweet with memories and knowledge of a wonderful love. take care.

thanks, wifeless, I have found your words to be most thoughtful. happy new year to you and bluebird.

Hello All: I read the posts very often, but rarely post. I apologize for that because I know many of us need to hear from all experiences. This is year 9 without my husband. I thought I would take a bold move and try to 'stay home' this year -- adult children are busy and it seemed like the time to try it without traveling. It was a day -- I thought I was prepared, had a plan, and decided to forego invitations to be the fifth wheel at friends' gatherings. It was a plan. And, I survived the day. But, having been married to my darling for longer than half my age, the memories of then, that, what was came. I dealt with them and welcomed them and concentrated on the religious aspect of the day. I miss him. I will miss him forever. There is no substitute for what was with him. I am not sad as one may think; I am quietly content but so missing my life and my family. Adult children should have their own lives, I understand that. Yet, I didn't realize how my own mother felt without her partner until my partner died. I wouldn't wish that on anyone -- especially my adult children. I guess what I am trying to say is that life is precious. Love is rare. Being with someone who 'gets' you and you 'get' them and create a life full of adventure and stories is so wonderful. I do think he knew that while he was with me. And, I just want all of us to be our best, be safe and happy and know that love is real. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Thanks for listening. Everyone who contributes to this board is important to me and I value each of you very much. You all have saved me more than once by allowing me to share in your thoughts and know that I am not crazy . . . that others feel and share the same. Love to you all. Chris

I hardly know how to express myself. The board was a source of reality and comfort for me many years ago and has continued to be that -- while lurking. I have always felt a bit ,odd, because so many of you are the age(s) of my adult children. Yet, after hospice counseling and such, this board has been my light. I thought for many years that I was just crazy -- but, you always brought me back to knowing that I am 'normal'. Each of us has our own timeframes. For me, married for a very, very long; caregiver and sole-support for many years, I lost the love of my life and my own identity. People would tell me that I needed to build a life outside of my husband during his illness. I chose not to do that. Seeing the posts of people from my early days has made my heart feel good. They are still there -- they are still checking, they are still a part of this life. This life has changed for all of us. No matter what age, no matter what geographic location, financial situation -- we have experienced something so profound that there are, simply, no words. I am so glad to see so many 'older' wids connecting with the new site. And, that tells me, as I know for myself, that many of us still need to 'see' that there is reality; that there is still a searching, still a looking for a connection and validation for what we feel. I have 'lost my password' many times over the past years, waited and tried to get back to the board. So -- maybe, this is my new chance!? I watch what so many are doing, worry and pray for so many. Cheer on the newbies, feel comfort from the olders. Wish that more from my 'era' will join. I thank each and every one of you. I have -- long time ago -- chatted with some of you. I think you are all wonderful. Wonderful in the honesty that you give, wonderful in the courage that you display. I know -- I know that prayer is not always mentioned; but, I pray for so many of you. Old Semper Fi is posting -- maybe so will my friend Amy -- from California. Maybe Eric. I have not even words to say how you all have carried though my years. I may be 'older' but, our love was so young and so strong and I connect and value with so much of what you all say. Thanks to those that have reignited this board. Take care, love Chris.