So here I am, a few days away from the 6 month mark and in many ways I feel as if I'm back at square one. Life has moved on for many people and all but my closest of friends and family have resumed their usual level of contact.
In the last few weeks I have scattered my wife's ashes at the place she had requested and spent time with her family for probably the last time for quite a while. Although I feel gla that I was able to fulfil her wishes I am left with this empty feeling that everything has now been done. There are no events/tasks/requests left to be completed and so what am I supposed to do now?
For the first time since the early days I feel the overwhelming sense that I have nothing left. Getting up each morning seems increasingly pointless, as do the majority of things I do each day. I feel trapped in a career I no longer feel any connection to and stuck in a house I don't really want to live in. I wish there was something to aim for, something or someone to get up for each day but there just isn't. It's hard to see how this will ever change. In short, at six months, I feel as bad as I ever have. Not exactly what I had hoped for, but there it is.