laurie27

Amberina, yes Public Triggers are awful. My LH used to help me shop for fabric (I am a quilter) because he had such a great sense of color and patterns. I went to the fabric store and just broke down crying. Thankfully they know me there and I just got comforted. Hugs to you and take care of yourself, it's not easy.

Wow, I cannot imagine anyone saying that you are *lucky* to be widowed. That is awful. People can be so inconsiderate it just amazes me. I am newly widowed and haven't run into too many situations, however, a week ago I had to fill out a form at a new doctor's office and when I had to check off widowed, I just broke down and started crying. Hugs to all of you on here tonight. We all need them.

Thanks Toosoon. As you can see from my last post, I agree with you. I am going to give his good clothes to hopefully a young professional who could use them. I can't imagine his suits from 30 years ago being any good to anybody, however, that gorgeous dress coat (100% wool, and Italian made no less), I really want that to go to someone special. I'm also thinking that his ties will help someone, I don't think they go out of style??? I'm sure it will work itself out. Read that someone will come into my sphere and I will know they are the one that needs them. I did clean up my office yesterday and made all new file folders. I had files from 2012 through the present and now I have 2019 in their own folders, so at least I cleaned up something! As to the therapist, I have to agree with all of you...he doesn't know what he is talking about. I don't think he really understands grieving.

Good Morning Gang, Thanks for all the thoughts. I think I am going to follow my heart and keep all of the good stuff and see if there is a young professional who might need it. Then I am going through the shirts for the quilt (I decided to back the quilt with the flannel and fleece shirts) and put that upstairs and give the rest to a men's shelter as many of you have advised (it will make me feel good to help someone in need). All of you guys are great, you have helped me so much go through this journey that none of us wanted to go through! Hugs to everyone and have a good weekend!

I have a 3 bedroom house with an upstairs that isn't used for anything which is what made me think to put his things upstairs and give it a try to see if it helps me. My other problem is going through his coats, he has a very expensive dress coat, which I don't want to just take to Goodwill. I'm not sure, I think I will ask around and see if one of the gentlemen at church could use it. To be honest I had forgotten all about it. When we were first married, he was a sales executive in New York City, so he still has a lot of formal wear that he stopped wearing. A lot of it I am sure is dated, but not the dress coat.

Hi Hachi, Yes, it was my first visit, which is why I thought to ask for some thoughts. This website has been so helpful to me. Just knowing that what I am going through is "normal", not crazy has been a big help. Thank you for your input. I think I will try one more visit because he did help with some things, but if he get too pushy about memories, I won't go back, because memories is all we have left.

Thank you for that input, I was just thinking that I found a really expensive dress coat and I want to see that go to someone I know that can use it. I was thinking of doing it maybe half way, by getting his things (clothes, camera, hats and such) out of "our" closet and put them upstairs and go through them when I am ready, but not have to look at them everyday. What do you think of that as a solution?

Thank you @Wheelerswife and @Julester3 for replying, I thought maybe I just didn't know what to do. I thought it sounded a bit extreme. Hugs to you both, you have helped me a lot just reading your posts about what you have been through.

When did you get rid of his/her clothes. I saw a therapist yesterday and he told me to get rid of Mark's clothes right away, he even argued when I said I wanted to keep 5 or 6 shirts to make a memory quilt. He thought the memory quilt was a bad idea as it would always remind me of Mark...which is sort of the idea behind having it. His suggestion when I said no way was to take the 5 or 6 shirts and put them in a closet that I don't use every day. Please let me know what you think.

I hope it all works out for you, I know paperwork can be overwhelming at a time when none of us need that extra headache. Hugs to you and take care of yourself.

Have you thought of going to an attorney to get him/her to take care of the paperwork? That's what I did, and I am sure it was done correctly because of that.

What a terrible tragedy. I cannot even imagine.

I am having a really bad morning, a lot of crying, and I can't really figure out why it's so bad. So I came to read this topic and it's so true, sometimes I am so angry at having to deal with everything. The smoke detector starting chirping the night before at 9:00 pm, I had to sleep in the spare bedroom (because it is further away), however it still bothered the cat so she woke me up at 2:30 am. I changed the battery, but thought maybe it was too old...I went and bought new batteries at 7:00 am...nope that wasn't the problem, I have someone coming to fix them today...FUCK having to take care of everything myself! Thank you widda.org for having this thread that I could read and know that I am not alone.

Hi Melissa, doesn't sound crazy to me. This site has helped me a lot recognizing that I am not crazy just hurting beyond belief. And, yes taking care of myself is hard. I sometimes think because I have animals, a dog and a cat, it makes me get up. He has to go out and I have to get them food. I try to make sure I get out of the house at least once a day. My new thing, I can't just get gas, I have to talk to someone.

Hi Melissa, I am at not quite two months, and I am still hurting a lot. I don't remember where I read it, but it gives me some peace. Grief is the price of Love. I am so sorry you lost your husband so young. Don't forget to take care of yourself (I am still bad about that). Hugs to you. Laurie

I am a quilter and have made 2 memory quilts. One was from shirts and a Levi's denim jacket, the other one was made from sweatshirts. They have given a lot of comfort to the women I made them for. Now, I need to think about making one for myself...it's not even two months and I am not ready to go through his clothes, yet. I will and I am sure it will give me the same comfort. What I am trying to say, there are quilters everywhere. Check to see if there is a Quilt Guild in your local area, they can direct you to someone local who could do it for you.

Hi Murphy, I don't know if the anger ever goes away, or we just learn to put it into some perspective. I am trying to do that...it's not easy. Hugs to you and take care of yourself.

I am so glad I read these quotes this morning! I thought it was just me having so much trouble in the shower. For me, it's being alone in the house, I find it creepy to get in the shower and not be able to hear anything. This site has been super in helping me feel that I am not crazy many of us widows feel this way. Hugs to you all!

Hi Love2fish, Yes, I try to get out of the house at least once every day, even if I just go to the store and pick up some cat food. Just so you know, I love Garth Brooks and he has a song called "Learning to Live Again", and that is where the quote comes from. I was listening to it the other day and it just reminded me that is exactly how I feel about where I am at. I'm trying, some days are not as bad as others, I'm sure you know what I mean.

Hi Widda Gang, Yes, it does get easier, however, there are still triggers that cause me to spend the day crying, which, according to everything I read and the other widows who are helping me through this tough journey tell me, is totally normal. I am learning to live again, but it is not easy.

Thank you for your answer, I know it will get easier, but right now it's just breaking my heart! Thank goodness for the dog and cat, I have to deal with them no matter how I feel, and I am not sleeping alone.

I am finding it getting harder not easier. I find that I am crying a lot easier and more often. I am still trying to get out everyday. I am in the process of finding a church that I am comfortable with, it also helps. I think what is happening is the shock is wearing off and the reality is setting in. Thank you for answering me. I come here almost every day, but as you can see I don't usually comment.

Hi everyone, I lost my husband of 33 years just three weeks ago. This site has helped me realize there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I stayed in bed until 5:00 this morning, I have been getting up at 3:00, so this is progress. I also have a hard time going out at night, as the idea of coming home to an empty house is very difficult for me.