Jess

Wonderful! So happy for your beautiful family!

I took mine off the first wedding anniversary after he died, which was just under 3 months out. It just felt right to me. I want to add my voice to the growing chorus that there is no right time other than the one you choose or don't choose for yourself. I am a rules girl so the lack of a guideline drove me nuts, but I found what was right for me and so will you.

Big hugs to you, CH. I am so sorry you had to look for us, but so glad you found us. I am sorry he had this accident. Please try your best to believe it was an accident, not something you set in motion. No one intended for it to happen. It was just a build up of circumstances with a horrific outcome I wish I had the power to undo for you. There are a lot of scary changes ahead for you and I know you don't want them but I do want to assure you that you can absolutely do this and we will be right here for you along the way as a safe place to vent or just have someone hear how much this just plain sucks and hurts. There are so many parts of your story that made my heart hurt, so I know the pain you are enduring is so deep. I am thinking of you and rooting for you.

I can also relate. Since we weren't very far out when we got together, we didn't confirm we were a couple until a year after we were together on FB. I was mostly worried about people misinterpreting our relationship as a band aid for grief, when in reality it was very serious. I asked myself a lot why I even cared, but I always came back to it would be hard for me to deal with people thinking I was dishonoring Joe. The truth is, even waiting a year, people still thought that and cut off ties. At that point I realized those people had no interest in me doing better and if they aren't on board with me being happy, they can take a flying leap into their own misery.

Star Wars, yep. Also every Marvel movie. He had plans to see Guardians of the Galaxy later in the day he died unexpectedly. Seeing how goofy looking the puppy we got the day before he died has gotten. Changes at work- we used to work for the same company and I always think about wanting to tell him things. Seeing our old boss win the primary for becoming a congresswoman. Advances in 3D printing. All things nerdy. All of it he should have gotten a chance to see.

I also want to pass on my support to you. I have no experience in this personally, but at my workplace we have had two people transition and they were treated with kindness and support that made me so proud to work there.

Hi Dazedandconfused, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My memories of being 2.5 months out are pretty fuzzy and I think that is a good thing because I really just remember being so lost and it hurting so much. I thought I'd never feel any better. I will hit two years this coming Tuesday and I can honestly say that despite how sure I was that it would be impossible, I do feel better.

As for advice, keep on top of your basic needs. There will come a day when you are relived you did. Eating, sleeping, drinking water are so important but so hard to remember to do. People are going to say a lot of stupid stuff. Remember that they mean well even if their words are the last thing you want to hear. There's a ton of other great advice, but those are things that helped me back then.

We are all here for you.

Justin is the dork with the fan

Us too. At 4 o'clock from statue facing castle.

I am going to go ahead and lock this thread.

Hope the chaos in the UK should be a wake-up call to the American voters, because the same socio-economic who voted for Brexit are responsible for getting Trump to where he is - white, unemployed, anti-globalisation xenophobes.

I have to put on my moderator hat for moment as this statement was brought to our attention. Politics are a tricky thing in a forum like this so we want to keep in mind that anyone needing support from all viewpoints and backgrounds need to feel welcome here. Although I do not believe there was any ill will intended against any member nor do I want to discourage open discussion from any member, making characterizations based on political leanings can have that effect for those that may have the leaning being described. Debate, thoughts, opinions are welcome but just make sure to mind that line. Thank you. Please return to your regularly scheduled thread.

But I'm bummed, because I really make a concerted effort not to make some of the same mistakes I made with Dan, like getting worked up over small things, and I feel like I failed in that respect.

Oh, have I been there! I thought a lot about the little things I would fight with Joe about and was convinced I wouldn't repeat those mistakes because I now had perspective. It was a great goal, but ultimately it just isn't possible for me. I had to accept despite knowing better, I am still human and can sweat the small stuff. For me, the big difference isn't that I don't get upset, but when I do get upset I am so much quicker to let it go and realize where I overreacted than I was before and for me, that is growth. It sounds like it is pretty similar for you and I think that is okay.

How about we say 12:30?

I love your smile! Congrats!

SVS, wow, that is a HUGE step, not a baby step. Please remember if you feel like putting them back on, it is not backsliding, it is listening to yourself. When I wook mine off, they went back on a few times before I considered it "final".

I have always been really impressed with how self aware you are- of what you need to do for yourself for your own unique journey. This and your kids' encouragement gave me a big old smile this morning.

The evil part of me that I never indulged when someone compared a loss of a pet to my loss of my husband wanted to say "Oh, your cat was your lover, too? You DO get it!" I am a way more fun person in my unspoken comebacks.

Less than a month away!

There is now information for that day found on this page:

https://disneyland.disney.go.com/ca/calendar/daily/?day=20160721

Here are the highlights:

-Park Hours: 8am-midnight (If your ticket permits, there is also a magic morning early admission this day)

-Ride closures are as follows:

    Mark Twain Riverboat

    Sailing Ship Columbia

    Tom Sawyers Island

    Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes

    Disneyland Railroad

-Disneyland Fireworks are at 9:30pm and California Adventure's are at 9:00pm and 10:15pm.

And pasting below the most recently updated list (sorry we will miss you this time, Momtojandj) :

People that said they are in at some point in this thread:

lcoxwell

Jen

Jess

Justin (+DD and friend of DD)

November

MauiMermaid

Michael797

LiveToRide (+DD)

twistedmensa (+kids)

People that have said Maybe somewhere in this thread:

Mr C

Quixote

Karin

Gracelet

Amor

I know my plan (probably to the chagrin of my party), is to be there for the opening, but I don't think it is practical to meet at that time and have a specific location nor do I think everyone wants or is able to get there that early, lol. There is a statue of Walt and Mickey in front of the castle right in the middle of the park that is a good meeting place:

http://www.tipsfromthedisneydiva.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/IMG_2741.jpg

Now we just need a time.

I remember my first night alone. I think I was about 3 weeks out. It was hard and there were a lot of tears, but I made it. You can do it, too. I kept the TV on all night long and the noise helped me feel less afraid. Truthfully, I think the TV stayed on for 8 or 9 months straight.

This made me smile. Thank you for sharing it!

And yet again you have moved me with your beautiful posts. I am glad you are here. Continued peace and comfort to you.

If you do not want to remove them then do not remove them. I remember combing through article after article about grief etiquette trying to find some sort of guideline. There is none other than what your heart tells you. I took mine off about 3 months after he died because it felt right, but I have never thought it was strange for people to keep them on for years. Do not feel pressure. If the time comes that it feels right to take them off, you will know. If it never comes, that is okay too.

Congratulations! What a great week for you😀

Thank you! It really is. Part of me worries things are going a little TOO right at the moment and I keep trying to shake the feeling. Ah, widdahood.

I just got offered the position. I start June 6 and am so over the moon excited for the new challenge!

We made it! I am taking a little break from unloading the truck in 100 degree temps. It is hard to believe this is real and for good. My heart is so full of gratitide.

From my recollection there is nothing in The Feminist Mystique about unsolicited dead creatures.  And even if there is....

Amen!