Hello,
I, too, am from YWBB. I wouldn't consider myself an 'old timer' as I wasn't one of the founding members and I didn't post as frequently as many but I have been around for about 10 years. I was AnnaMarie on that board as well.
I have to echo Anniegirl on many things. I am joining to support this board, maintain the ability to contact all those from YWBB that are still around and to provide support for any who are looking to speak with someone who is farther out on the journey. I probably won't check the board super frequently and won't be doing a lot of posting (at least that I can foresee right now) but please feel free to contact me if you want to talk.
My story is that I was widowed unexpectedly 10 years ago. My husband, who was 30 years old at the time, had a heart attack while we were backpacking on an island.
I am now remarried with two boys and life is pretty good. Like many, back in the beginning I just wanted to know when I would be "better". When would the grieving would be over? In my experience, it is never truly gone but it gets so very much better. I still cry occasionally, I still hurt, I still wonder the what if's. At this point, I miss what we had and were more than him specifically. Mostly, I laugh and smile at my memories. I am blessed to have family and friends who let me remember and talk all these years later.
My two cents on grief...Grieve at your own time and your own pace. Be honest with yourself, don't hide from it - I never knew anyone who benefited from pretending they were okay. There is no right way or deadline to be "better". One year isn't a magical number...neither is 10. This is a process that is met daily (some days with more grace than others!). I found that it was better to get to the point where I was okay just being me before I could be good for others. This isn't the path all take but it worked for me. Finally, give yourself some slack to not be perfect and extend that to the people who love you. No one knows all the right things to say and do - if they are trying and reaching out, they probably love you and are doing the best they can.
Wishing peace, comfort and healing to all who have made their way to this place. I hope this board is a place where all wids can go to talk to someone who "gets it". The YWBB was truly a blessing for me and I am hoping that this community will be the same to others.
Peace,
Anna
