Mrskro

Jen;  I'm with you on filling up the other side of the bed.  Mine is filled with clean unfolded clothes.  The kids have to come in everyday looking for their stuff to wear.

Windows have to be washed??? :-P

First email from this guy....

"I know a lot of guys on here probably message you to try to get in your pants, I want to tell you that I'm not going to try to do that. I want to get you out of those pants "

Uh what the hell? 

Hugs and prayers. 

I'm just not cut out for this online dating thing....

Guy ....Hey there, how are you doing today?

me .... Hello,  I'm pretty good.  How are you? 

Guy ...I'm ok, just trying to stay warm (it was -30 here that day.

me ....  lol  I know what you mean, I was in an arena for hockey earlier and it was warmer inside! 

Guy ...  Well come over here and I'll keep you warm.

Me ** head bang**

still_lost;

I can completely relate.  I'm at the same point now, and I'm at 17 months out; where the thought of trying to integrate someone new into my life, split what little free time I have with someone new and my kids, just doesn't work for me. 

 

Fuck being stuck in the hell that absolutely no one irl even understands.

Rayspumpkin;  So much fuck to this,  just know you have lots of people here who unfortunately understand 

hugs

Thank you ladies....MrsDan post away please, I like knowing I'm not alone needing this thread.  Trying; I thought about starting a thread and venting the extend of this but opted for a mini vent 

Fuck that my Dad just died and my siblings couldn't be bothered to step up and and help plan his funeral after I told them I couldn't do it alone again.  That I had just done this by myself and couldn't do it again.  And fuck that then they had the nerve to complain about the decisions I was forced to make and weren't to their liking. 

Fuck that now 18 months in I feel like day 1 again.  Lost in the fog of grief.

Fuck that his death brought me right back to my knees.

Fuck that I feel so weak.

Here's my story.  My DH is buried with my family directly behind my mother, my father had already purchased multiple plots as he didn't want to be buried next to people he didn't know  (to each there own)    I waited almost 6 months before purchasing the stone.  I had alot of people push me to put one in; some said for closure (I'd like to know how putting my name on a tombstone at 41 yrs old is fucking closure); some said for respect; (there was a tasteless paper sign stuck in his grave);  and some said to "just get it over with".  and my father made me promise that it would be the same size as his and my mom's since they back onto each other.  My kids; 15 and 13 have never been, won't go; can't go; have both had complete meltdowns when the subject is brought up. So the stone does nothing for them  I knew where he was buried; I actually visit the grave; I'd sit with my back leaning against my mom's and visit.  Now the damn stone is up; my name is on a tombstone and I have no where to fucking sit!

My only advice is it's your decision. Take your time; do what's right for you.

I too am over a year out and this still rings true. 

Fuck my brother who said he was too busy to watch my kids for 4 days so I could go to Vegas on a trip I had planned since April and then booked himself a trip to Vegas the same week when my father had a heart attack so couldn't watch my kids. 

Fuck my sister who had the nerve to complain that her "poor husband" was left alone for 1 night by himself to feed the kids, while we were at the hospital with my Dad; when my two teens were left alone to fend for themselves for 4 nights since no one else "could make time" to stay for his surgery.

WTF

Hugs to you Canadiangirl.  I can relate as I'm down with the flu and of course haven't done the grocery shopping or laundry and there's noone else to do it, so I'm dressed and working up the energy to drag myself to the store.  Laundry can wait.

A great big FUCK YOU to all of the people that said they were coming to my son's 12th birthday yesterday and EVERY DAMN ONE (including my family), cancelled at the last moment or didn't call at all. NOBODY came for his birthday. He was devastated.

 

I usually do a big family gathering for Thanksgiving....fuck all that...chucked the original plan and made reservations at a local restaurant for my Mom, myself and my kids. They are the only family I need.

No words....hugs to you and your son  That is completely fucked up

Hi how are you today sexy?  ( I have a pic of a sunset up)

I'm good....we've actually met

I'm Dave...what's your name?

Still the same .... but last time you were Ben..

What is wrong with people?

Fuck that on what would have been his birthday my phone and facebook are blowing up with so many messages of people "thinking of me".  WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN THE REST OF THE YEAR??

I just came upon the 1 year anniversary as well, and I got the hell out of dodge.  The kids and I decided on a resort in Mexico and honestly had a great time.  We acknowledge the day, and decided we are still here and life does carry on. 

I have nightmares too,  and have tried melatonin...DON'T DO IT!  I just ended up have techno-coloured nightmares.  My husband died from sudden cardiac arrest in our home and I did CPR until the medics arrived.  I used to dream just of that and now I'm like you, just general nightmares. 

I wish you well in fighting them. 

I'm in!  Never been but I'd love too.  I can make either date work

Fuck the neighbour with their head up their a**that came by 5 months later because they just found out he died and said we thought he was on a business trip. 

Fuck the condolence cards my 12 yr old just brought home 5 months later.

Fuck me that I can't bring myself to put the headstone up.

Michael

Hugs to you.  I still have no words for how grateful I am to you and radio hell and transmissions from hell.  You so eloquently put into words my journey and the torments of this hell we have all been thrown into. 

Mrskro