Lola2009

I was 29 when widowed with a young baby. My 30 year old husband died in a MC accident. I'm 35 now and I'm 5.5 years into this crazy mess of grief and I feel that I am in a good place of healing now. It's been a long, messy and traumatic process . I was surfing for a while, just surviving raising a baby as a solo parent, dealing with insurance companies, police and lawsuits and finishing the renovations that we had started on our house so if I had to sell, at least I wouldn't be bankrupt, along with all the other issues we face and the anger, oh the anger. That was the first 2-3 years. I don't know if some of you can relate but once all the legal matters and everything was settled, I kind of felt lost. I was so focused on grieving and surviving that once the "storm" settled I didn't know what to do. I was sort of drifting trying to figure out where to go next. The biggest thing I did was sell our home. It was so hard as it was his childhood home and he wanted to raise his son in the neighbourhood where he grew up. I felt obligated at first to honour those wishes but I had to sell it because even though I finished the renovations, my husband would never be home to see it, he would never be home to share his life with our son, and I just didn't want my son to grow up forever trying to live a life for his father, in the shadow of his father who he doesn't remember. That would be unfair to him and I also felt like I was living in the life that would never be. I sold our house and moved to a neighbourhood I love, less financial burdens, and surrounded by young families (though that really, really stung at first) my son has many friends his age that are now at his school (he's in K now). It was like a billion pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. I can't explain why, but I was so weighed down by our house and everything it represented, the life that would never be, having to hold onto the childhood home for everyone else and the memories even though anyone connected to it never visited. It was like the house was an entity all on its own. The move really launched me forward and when the dust settled I did look around by year 3 saying, "Now what??" I've settled into my new path and now it's not so bleak. I've been thinking about dating, and have dated very casually and thought I was ready for a relationship, but I had lived my life for my husband since I was 17. He never asked or demanded me to, but everything I did was for him and to build a life and future with him, because I love him and I knew it would be forever and I was willing, so very willing even though I gave up some of my dreams to accommodate that. I was willing to sacrifice that for him. After all that he dies on me just as we finally started our family! The rebuilding and even just acceptance of this "new" path has been slow and painful but now I feel I have a solid foundation again and I built it, with the help of his legacy and love, but it was me who got dirty and did it. I now live where I have dreamed, I run my days like I want, my son and I have a lovely little routine and have been running off my own gumption for 5 years now. I don't know if I am willing to give that up. People look at me cross-eyed and say, "Why would you need too?" but I just fear that I would again, and have no desire to. If it were to ever happen, he may have to be willing to just fit into our lives, and I wouldn't have to sacrifice or have to build yet another life with someone. I think that is my fear. I just don't know if I could venture down yet another path. I'm not a very adventurous person! Reading that I may sound selfish, so obviously not ready for a relationship, but perhaps just male companionship without the expectations. That would be what I may be looking for. That's where I am now, who knows what will be next?

When my son was 3 (he's 5 now) I was hearing banging in my bedroom. I went to see what was going on and found him turning his Daddy's urn over and over on the floor (it's a heavy rectangle metal box). I asked him what in the world he was doing and he said innocently, "I am playing with Daddy!!" I pretty sure I heard my husband laughing somewhere.

For me it was after year 3. The first 2.5 years were sheer survival mode, I was dealing with insurance, police, lawsuits, private investigators, the courts, (my husband died in a motorcycle accident) house renovations and raising a baby to a toddler during that time. I made a huge decision to flip our old house and sell it and start a new life for myself and our son. The lawsuit was settled just before the 3 year mark and I remember feeling shock that all the trauma drama was now behind me and we were settling into our new home and life. I remember looking around thinking, "Now what???" and so the major rebuilding began. I really opened up and let everything out for the world to see, let go of a lot of grudges and that was theraputic. Year 4 onward was when we hit our stride. It's been 5 years now and I still think about him everyday but the grief and pain doesn't consume me anymore.

Hi Everyone! I was a YWBB member and avid poster back in 2010/11. My husband died at the age of 30 in a motorcycle accident, I was 29 and we had an infant son. The forum saved me and helped me so much in the early years. I stopped posting as much as life changed a bit, and then I heard about the closure of ywbb and was sad about it but am SO GLAD when I heard this one is now open and thought I would just reestablish myself. I am also running a support group in my area and send all the newly widowed people here as I know how much this format has helped me. I see some familiar names too from early on in my journey! I think my username is the same but I am just guessing at this point! It's been 5 years for me now and it feels like 500 years and 5 minutes ago at the same time. I feel like a "got this" and yet I am so lost at the same time still. I feel a little stuck. Perhaps because I feel a little lost is why I need to lean onto the community again.