jodiwitz

I feel like I'm the mole in that whack-a-mole game - every time I try put my head back up after another disaster, I get whacked back down. It will be 3 weeks on Tuesday since Chuck died (suddenly, probably a stroke, he was 53). Just to give a little background, in 1998, our 14 mo old son, Jordan, died from a genetic disease. As a way to cope, he protected me. I mean, really, really protected me. He did everything - grocery shopping, cooking, all the upkeep on the house and cars. I think I was still in a depression over Jordan, I slept a lot But I put on my big girl panties and I'm dealing with my new life - I'm sleeping less, I'm cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, blah blah blah. What I should have been doing all along. But anyway, it just seems like everything is happening. I've read to go easy on myself, do one thing a day, but life won't let me. I have to deal with insurance (calling for an appt tomorrow to apply for obamacare/medicaid/CHIP), I have to find an income (social security appt on July 17), I have to put up a front for my kids (because they were too upset seeing me upset all the time), my mom is still living with me (I know the longer she stays, the harder it will be to let her go home), the lawn mower broke, prescription ran out and can't fill it cuz I have no insurance, the dryer is trying to break, the dog & the cat are acting up... I went to church today, I've been going for the past 3 weeks - I feel peace there, so I think it's good for me, and we have been active in the church so everyone knows us. And so many people want to help, and I know it helps them grieve to help me. But I don't know what to tell them, how they can help! Should I make a list and carry it with me? I can't make it through the grocery store without Ativan, so I'm really struggling with the household upkeep, I don't KNOW what needs done. I just want to grieve for my husband. But I have to keep pushing it away. Everyone and everything wants a piece of me. Now I'm wondering about probate & estate - do I need a lawyer? Why isn't there a guide - newly widowed for dummies? He didn't leave a will. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I just found out today that we are uninsured. We have no health, dental, vision or life insurance. Everything stopped the day Chuck died. But the company sent me information on continuing coverage under Cobra for $900 a month. I'm estimating that my income will be $3000 a month. This just makes me sick. There should be a grace period :-\ I'm looking at my options - obamacare, CHIP for the kids, ahhhhhhh! And the best part - my 22 year old, married & pregnant daughter was on our ins plan since her husband wasn't full time yet.

This is exactly what I'm currently worrying about. I'm 50, 15 days out, and have a 12 y/o and 16 y/o at home, both with special needs. I haven't worked outside the home for 25 years. I don't think I can go back to my previous career (medical transcriptionist) because of carpal tunnel. I have to find a good job with health insurance for us and I've never had to do that before. There is so much responsibility now it's mind boggling. My SILs believe I can afford to stay home until the first of the year. But I've never been a career minded person, so I don't really know what I want to do.

Thank you ALL for the expressions of sympathy and advice. I'm so thankful to have found this place, as it's my only outlet right now. I've told my mom the same things over and over again, I just hate to keep piling it on her. My pastor did have his vacation planned before my dh's death, but he also said he'd give me some resources before he left. My daughter also asked the chaplain who was at the hospital with us for resources, and we've yet to hear back from him. I've emailed a few churches and asked people on Facebook for resources and got results for the future. I feel like I fell through the cracks. It seems like everything and everyone started acting out as soon as dh died. The alarms on his truck kept going off, so I had to have a friend disconnect the battery. The dishwasher quit draining and then wouldn't clean properly. I know we'll be ok eventually. I think my kids here at home need me to be in charge right now and I've explained to them several times that I need to take baby steps to get there. It doesn't help when I fall apart trying to decide what's for dinner.

Thank you {{Baylee}}. I should clarify that my girls are still in touch. The younger one has been over several times, but the oldest one is sick and doesn't want me or my mom to catch it.

My husband died Tuesday, June 9. My 2 oldest daughters took the rest of the week off. Their guys also took the week off. I knew everyone would be going back to work on Monday. But I didn't know that everyone else would drop off the face of the earth. I was overwhelmed with all the people and all the food that first week. But there's nothing this week. My pastor was here initially, but he's on vacation now. I had asked him to find me a support group, but no answer from him. I called a close friend 2 nights ago to come over and keep me company, and she just replied today. I'm not completely alone here at home. My mom is staying with me. She lost my dad in 2001, and she already lived in the same town, so she just came over and didn't leave. Of course, I don't feel like doing anything. I'm sleeping all night, so I don't sleep during the day. I'm just rattling around with no purpose. I need someone to tell me what to do. I think my 16 y/o son doesn't think very highly of me. (Backstory here: We lost our first son in 1998 when he was 14 mo old. I think Chuck just wanted to protect me and do everything for me. He cooked, he grocery-shopped, he paid bills, he ran errands, he didn't want me to do anything. We already had 2 older girls, and over the next few years we adopted 2 more kids. It's what we always wanted - lots of kids that I could stay home with.) So ds saw me have a panic attack at the bank. Ugh. I'm just this piece of wet toilet paper and cries at every other thing.

I'm not sure where to post or if I even belong here. I'm 50, and 8 days ago, my great big, strong, GOOD, honest, decent, God-loving husband died. He was only 53 years old. My 12 year old daughter was with him, and after talking to her, the coroner decided it was a stroke. He was gone immediately, I was with him within 2 minutes and there was nothing that could be done. We are thankful that it was quick and that he didn't suffer. We have a 12 year old daughter with learning difficulties, a 16 year old son who was just coming out of his shell and wanting to spend more time with his dad, 22 year old daughter who just got married last year and is expecting our first grandchild, and a 24 year old who has been planning her own wedding for Sep 26 and is now considering cancelling it. My kids, especially older ones, are taking great care of me. My mom has moved in with me. This isn't the life I envisioned for myself and I am just lost.