Hi, my name is Benjamin. My wife passed away just over six months ago. We got engaged in May of 2013; at that point she had already battled cancer once (leukemia) as a 20 year old, going through 23 months of chemo and radiation. She was 5 years cancer free in the March just before our engagement. In November of 2013, they discovered a tumor on her sternum which turned out to be a recurrence of the ALL but presenting as a bone mass, which is odd. So we began cancer treatments immediately, the day after Thanksgiving. We moved our wedding up from June to February, because there was a break in treatment. In May of 2014 she had a bone marrow transplant. I've always said that that was the moment that really broke me- I could deal with the cancer treatment up until there, but the transplant was awful. Anyway, we moved to the treatment center for that summer, and back to our house in the fall just before school started (I was a teacher at the time, and she taught harp at the local university). Sometime in January of this year, she developed a common lung infection, but unfortunately with her weakened immune system they were not able to contain it with their most powerful drugs. She was able to see all of her family and many friends before she passed on Groundhog's Day.
So here I am, and I don't even know how to explain where my life is. My life for two years was defined by being a caregiver, and suddenly that role was gone. When I returned to work after her death, I had to make a moral decision about leaving the job I had been at for three years, because decisions were being made that I could not ethically agree with. Around the same time I signed up for a Master's program (which I just completed my second class this summer) and I'm moving about 2 hours away from where I've lived the past 6 years. I'm going to be a full-time pianist, playing for universities and theaters and wherever else gigs come. Some days are very clear, but many days I have no idea what way is up and what way is down. I don't know many places or people to go to that can relate to a 27-year old widower, so that's how I ended up here.
