Torn

I was talking with a friend today who had left an abusive marriage years ago. We started talking about sex, and I have been feeling bad for myself lately because it has been so long, so I asked her how long it had been for her..she held up ten fingers, I said ten months? Nope ten years! Ten friggin years. Now I don't feel so bad.

  Heck just reading that made me feel better...

Maureen,

  Congrats for trying to get out and meet new people BUT:

  that fellow drinks and has been charged for domestic violence...hmmm,well I doubt you missed anything substantial in him.

Personally I tried to make a date with a local lady & through talking to her I had a realisation, I'm afraid I'm not ready.

  Once I heard the sports bar,going out and all well I just gave up, I'm not the bar type and enjoy more personal connections between men + women.

    Best to you all next time

Brag lil lady....

  I remember being that little boy, never ever discount these things,without them this world , well you know..

  Good young man , Momma

Melbar,

Very cool reply, I've just realised no one (prospected relationship ) wants to hear of another mate so often ,that they feel insignificant...but for history our spouces shouldn't be removed from conversation, because without them we wouldn't have become the person we are.

This is a very interesting observation/consideration we take as widows.

  I kinda feel like my DW, gets 'sorta' treated as if she was a ex-wife in conversation with and lady friends that could turn into more...

  Sorta seems wrong,but human nature seems to require these conciderations, I.E.

using I rather than we, in conversation.

  Does that make sense, my DW was there in these 20 years of stories & I feel obligated to say 'I' rather than 'We',seems a lil wrong,but I suppose a necessary part of future relationship.

    Kinda makes a person understand why I've heard others make comments through time like:

Well , he never really talks about his 'DW',maybe its because the person felt it was inappropriate.

  any comments?

I've tried several times to use chat and given up.

  Is anyone successfully using chat on any Android device? If so please help a fellow

Just another opinion...

This "friend" is unknowingly being incredibly selfish & seems to disreguard the tragic loss you have been left to deal with in life.

  Very sorry for that..

  The world does seem to be full of these self centered people,I'm unsure why but it becomes obvious in our situations.

1. Today I feel a little better physical pain wise, which is Huge because of chronic pain.

2.The last couple days,I've felt at peace a bit more,where loosing my wife is concerned; I've had more memories of good times,instead of the tragic sudden loss.

3.Hmm it's early & Monday,but I feel like it may be a good day

Trying,

  Obviously I hate you have to experience this terrible loss aswell.

      I'm at 1 year 9 months & just passed my wife's birthday my 2nd without her on thanksgiving; I mention that to say I also feel like I'm loosing her spirit.

    It feels wrong that I'm loosing touch BUT:

  It makes it possible for me mentally to at least see the future without her,sadly that's fact for us both.

  I've been trying to view this "stage" more so as progression,than loss....

Just a thought & even typing it feels wrong

Very sorry another bad day got you down,it's hard...

  I'm on the same time line & caught myself catching years on my eyes aswell.

I imagine I'm a day late,

  But:

Happy birthday, I hope it's a great day

Welcome back,

Hopefully the personal reasons whatever they may be are positive in your life ~ToRn

Fuck ANY OPPORTUNIST that attempts to capitalize on the feelings of a widow,to profit or gain in any way.

I want to add something here.

  After loosing my mother at a young age, I realized and grew to believe, not much will be more devastating than loosing my own momma..

  I loved my wife unconditional & loosing her,felt like more devastating.

    I bring this to mind because it honestly seems there are a few losses that people feel a "most significant".

Loss of child,loss of mother....

    Loss of the love of your life of 20+ years,well for me it's left a greater void + presents many challenges.

  I felt this is worth stating, somehow loosing your spouce, doesn't seem to qualify as severe & the survivor suffers this alone in many cases.

Thanks everyone I wanted to know their ok is all,but I guess if they voluntarily deleted the own account,I suppose they're ok.

    I had feared the worse which is my nature to do these days thanks again

I wanted to mention the screen name also says guest under the user name.

  In an effort to add details as to why I assume something happened to their account.

      I searched for a area to post regarding forum issues & was unsure where was ok

Hello Group

  I had befriended a member here & suddenly "their" account name appears white in color if viewed any of their past post.

  Also I tried to reply to a private message,from this member & the forum interface wouldn't allow..

  Could a moderator, please help me understand,what's happened?

  I appreciate the help & apologize if I posted in the wrong area.

ToRn

Ok.....

I must weigh in here...

THAT GUY,really should find someone else.

As gracelet, said "he lacks the emotional connection, a widower will need in a mate".

Here's my straight thought on his statement, Screeeeeew him.

    He actually told you "to not grieve,more than is natural",who in there right minds even say/text that?

  Really, his comment would make me think, I'm so stupid it's a good thing this guy told me to stop grieving ,also I'll just say at that point I might need him to tell me to breath,close my mouth when chewing...well you get the picture,he made a insensitive & ignorant comment and he honestly believes that by suggesting you stop grieving ,that he is helping you,sad stuff....very sorry anyone sad that,ToRn

Maureen,

  Bless you Fay & future upcoming test, I sure wish for you the best.

Once a friend told me I deserved a "get out of hell" free card,because of many things I'd gone through at that point.

  I believe you deserve happiness again,because obviously loss is something you've been forced to endure.

  Have a blessed day, ToRn

I called it force of habit.

  Everytime I've met someone with yellowing whites of the eyes,if I knew them on a speaking daily level,well I've mentioned this to them.

  Loads of people have no clue this us a sign of major health crisis.

Ya know...hmmm hmmm

  What tha heck are people thinking?

Well never mind,I really don't care what they're thinking.

  I'm so vanilla,I'm like French vanilla smirl with basic vanilla.

Its odd to me that promiscuity has become a quality to some degree..

So if you legalized pot,I'm heading to the store..haha

  Glad there was fun to be had,I often wish I knew a local person who has lost their spouse aswell...So bad.

1. I've continued the physical therapy (for the day) I can do for myself,in hopes to strengthen myself from prior surgeries.

2.Today I've managed to stay pretty positive & that's a genuinely difficult task currently (circumstances).

3. Bit tongue & didn't give fatherly advice to opportunist daughter & soninlaw, I as a father must allow trains to wreck,rather than say "get off the track".

Very cool for you & him.

  It's great to see

Stephanie,

  Your in the beginning of,for myself the most profound loss I've experienced.

  About the preacher, all he can do is give you his "view" in the afterlife,please don't allow that comment to effect your process,as I said 'his take' ,many different views on afterlife.

  But please take comfort in knowing,your husband loved you and he wants the very best for his wife,as all husband's & wife's.

    Try to make it moment by moment.posting and reading here will help a great deal. Bless you, ToRn