Torn

Thanks Quixote, Yeah man your right, it's not a journey as much as a repeated ending good Sir. 2 years here and I appreciate your story it helps man... ToRn

I despise healthcare as a,whole in many cases,especially one like this,these doctor's lives are quiet different from ours in to many ways. The experience of true sudden loss,is unbearable at times, its unreal that there isnt more compassion. Its odd to me that any doctor that is in this field ,more doctors arent better equipped to assist & evaluate on a broader scale. Its sickening to me,that so many with bipolar disorders are lumped into tge same category. Bipolar disorder has been over medicated & misunderstood longer tgan it should be. Hopefully in time these things will get better for you,possibly another doctor would be a good idea

I only want to weight in here to say,I feel your anxiety & pain aswell. Recently I've been doing the same,going threw the "lil things",lots of memories good & bad,it's very hard to distinguish between the two simply because I'm a couple weeks from the 2 years Mark from loosing DW.. I send you positive vibes & prayer,it's difficult for me ,I hope it gets easier as time goes on. I made a pretty big mistake,by over doing things & putting myself emotionally in a bad place,please put limits on yourself this is a process ~ToRn

First off : HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO YOU ALL!!!!! This day is very difficult miss the woman, I admired for her mothering skill & her loving compassion she shared with our like family, definitely another void in life. My Mother, I miss as well however loosing my wife has overshadowed my memory of my mother, she set the standard in my mind and my wife only exceeded these things....a tough day.

I hate your also in this position. . Today I'm sure my MIL is dumb enough to be thinking that I'm not getting in touch with her,she's a selfish human & has recently caused more hardship in my family, what's left of family. Happy Mothers day to you ladies,care for yourselves today,please your all worth it

It's not just you...I get CRAZY JEALOUS when I've seen countless people receive brain surgery for my debilitating condition & I've watched them move on in life & work..but I've learned that hopefully my time will come & ill be able to carry on & wait & TRY to stay positive until I can locate a specialist..it's hard to see others have the chance to get on with life,while I feel stuck in the background begging for help,in excruciating pain. Its hard. Please know it's not only you.

Ya know it really seems "the curse" of oss around/ a lil after 2 years that it forces us to feel inadequacy,in a few ways. I feel the same as you guys,loads of "i should have's " & I've accomplished a fair amount but there's nothing that'll make me better totally,no matter how much I do,I "still do alone".. It's hard,really I wish each of us a lil extra peace in this time. I've tried to adapt a certain amount of assumption that my wife would be proud of the progress I've made. But I often think that some how one day I must learn to be proud of my own progress,possibly just another stage of 'letting go',but I suppose in time I'll feel better...best to you all

Good stuff here Congrates on the house acomplishment...sounds like a tough road. Oh and the new Sweetie I'm your life... Good stuff

Don't feel bad man,I'm the same time frame as you and am the same there's more here than has left for sure man. Its not wrong & I believe I'm feeling better now about parting with the lil things that aren't keepsakes or much good to others,I'm getting ride of a few things at a time,because this us a Hell of a ride to travel down & I'm not one to place bumps in my own pathcso easy does it for me,lil by lil. Peace to you all ~ToRn

It's so hard to not feel this way,surly so many feel the same. But I gotta say,my wife like EVERYONE ELSE'S spouse WANTS US TO LIVE HAPPILY. We each owe it to ourselves as humans to try and endure & get help if this feeling persist....we are all gifted with life and the chance to live another day,we MUST count this as a blessing...we Must. Our loved ones I believe would be disappointed terribly to think we'd given up,please hold on & get any help you can. Sorry I just have to say this our lives have purpose,we must find that purpose. WE ARE ALL WORTH LIVING & LOVING

Clothes I'm very unsure what to do aside from donation. But items like airsoft guns could be turned it a lamp,or something similar that could be a functional item of use,while remaining a keepsake for memory. I'm not versed well in airsoft guns,but many hobby items could be turned into something useful & remind you of him while being a functional item in a office...etc....just an idea,look at pintrest..

Sorry to hear & to think about your lil girl & daddy.I lucked out I guess my daughter was married 3 weeks prior to my wife passing so she did have a mom when she was small. It's just that seeing couples with kids kinda forces my subconscious to think the couple's are married & this goes ahead & slam dunks the sadness. Best to you all in this

I want to say that the spring has suddenly brought all the couple's out & it's wrong to feel like I do. I've no doubt that my wife and I,would have continued to surpass our friends marriage 'wise' so seeing others at this point stores up unplaced anger. Sorry each of you all feel this pain

Definitely, things where getting explosive here. But I, want good for my kid.. At this point us anxiety-ville, but I'm fortunate to have met a sweet friend that has been a huge blessing in my life. She's a Godsend to me & can relate in many ways. Thank you all for the encouragement & support

I'm currently mad in my situation, but do want to say. These kids are now leaving and once again I feel Im alone. I do realize the damage they've done to my healing process,and all I can do is strive on, to find "The Real ToRn". My daughter feels the separation aswell as she told me in tears,lots of tears. But I did what DADDY'S do & was supportive to her,to let her know that " Our Story " as Father and Daughter shouldn't have this sadness",as early in either of our lives. She feels she's loosing me forever, well I feel the same. If I'm honest with myself I feel much like my wife is Dieing all over again as my family is torn down to only myself. This has always been my experience with death, my mom passed and our family all went separate directions. It hurts me a lot right now. BUT This has been needing to happen after the first month my wife passed, so that I could rebuild my life,not WAIT UNTIL these kids where 'ready'. But again,I'll say "That's what Daddy's do" they suffer more than most because they are dedicated,I've endured a ton of things since deciding to Father my daughter,when she was 2 and I knew the life she'd have if there was no positive male,or a stable home life to lead an example for her future. SOOO Here we go, lil by lil I'll change things to my my Family home,my home again & I am worried only because this is new to me,well it shouldn't be but it is. I'll do this step by step, like I've told others that lost their spouses: Your wife/husband loved you enough to definitely want you to find love and enjoy life again. Time moves on..... ~ToRn

Alexswife, I'm so sure the flash back to 4 years ago is/was bitter sweet...had to be, I'm sorry.. But, I'm sure you know, that simply entertaining the thought of love again for you in monumental. I'm sure you've accepted the truth that your husband,loved you so much, there's not a doubt he'd want you to feel whole again in love. He'll always be with you and journey through time as you lean to find yourself again. Bless you and ,like each of us,I wish you the very best. ~ToRn

It's definitely not just you.. I'm filled with the same feeling & I also feel as though my grief is exasperated because of seeing families & couples. How do you cope with this ? anyone know? What the Hell to do? Heck it's dawning on 2 years here aswell and simply is epic emotionally to see couples,aswell as fathers with their children that are toddlers,well they are so icky which makes me feel so sad.. just a tough spot,I sure wish you all the best....ToRn

Jen.... Ya know your children saying/ professing their love & the inability to live without you are beautiful things in life , heck ANYONE would have to be a fool to not know these feelings between children and mother/ father are epic,that live us craved throughout the world. Jen, its 2016 and we all know.... There's another kinda love,its spirit and physical,that co meingle <sp>. As those who have lost physical connections,well we know how huge a roll these things play in our function / feeling as adults, its a different connection you feel/ don't feel. Eventually you'll find yourself in a bond with another and until then, find a " lil good" in the fact you will find this you just haven't yet. . Jen, keep your head up, hopefully your connection is around the corner & don't fear there'll become a way for things to work out.

We all on several levels are forced to go through this it seems. After years and years of marriage we each had fully adapted to a spouse. Each of us have years of being with a person who,would notice us: Stuck in a rut Caught up in worry Feeling insecure All these things are really tough to retrain ourselves to work through. I've been trying my best to imediatly think of a positive,every time I think of a negative,trying is key here . So as my hamster wheel starts to turn,I've been stopping the hamster and telling the hamster how cool of a hamster he is,in effort to get this hamster to look in his toy mirror & get off of that wheel . to all you guys hamster out there ...lol

First : JEN YOUR NOT WHINING!!!! how bout, your speaking the damn truth?really,I'm serious? I'm at 20 months & I feel identical,except the 'loved part'. We are trapped,trapped in the life we made with another,now sadly we lost our husband/wife, well in doing so our lives are still STUCK in the obligation of our marriage/relationships. How do I,move forward I have no clue,but I really want YOU to know,you don't suffer this emptiness, alone. I could make a list a mile long,as I'm sure you could also. Something to consider, This feeling isn't who Jen is, this feeling is how Jen feels after loosing her mate . I feel trapped aswell,heck I can't come up with anything I'd 'like' to do,because everything simply takes me back to "what we used to do",slowly we each will move forward,but damn if it isn't going To SLOW.. Take care

I'm with Jen....Holiday are all mental massacres for me currently,and just make me hate my situation,in every sense.

Very sorry for this Blank feeling. I'm a couple months from 2 years and I believe it's a big part if my inner turmoil. Please know, your still the same person and have gained experience with the largest hurdle in life. Also,please know your not alone you can rant here ,it'll help some. We all need to share with one another to help each of us get past this 2 year hump and help one another find ourselves again. Jen, that's my thought for myself, I must refind myself,so how I gotta learn to enjoy life again,somehow.

Ya know I mentioned recently that my wife believed in Medium/Psychics in a huge way and if anyone could " Come through a Medium" my wife would. Your only 1 month into your loss and everything is huge to you,as it is to myself. For me I don't believe much in mediums,but I would fear something could be said that could further intensify my grief. Please take no offence, often my wife got agrivated with me,not believing in these things. I wish I could experience something once,maybe that's it,I've never experienced anything psychic/medium related,I'd like to. Becareful, each thing is huge during the first year, we all would hate to see anyone (medium) make your loss harder on you . Take care best to you ~ToRn

YES, it really is time for them to go. Sadly so, I gotta figure out ways to enjoy 'home' again, I miss my Wife in to many ways to have the HOLIDAY AMPLIFIED while these couple relatives try to pretend my wife didn't die beside me. Not seperate but 100% in love with me,she died in her sleep we had no hard feelings,she loved me,I loved her she died . That's the simple truth and fact... If at this time it pacifies these people to pretend "everything's ok" well fuck em, its not ok it'll never be ok for me ,I'll always miss her. It really seems like this is an attempt in grief navigation for them . My mother-in-law told me verbatim: It's hard to see you,without feeling crushed by not seeing my daughter. Well I feel the same everytime I see MIL, I instantly think of my wife,obviously she looks identical and I've known her mother for half my life aswell. These are things we adjust to after loosing loved ones. But to me: We all must realize that in missing her that each of us played a part in her life and each of us held a special place in her heart. IMHO Each of us should respect this fact and either treat one another as part of her life and who made her who we loved. Anything short of this is unacceptable to me. I want to mention I've seen this behavior before during death of family members. Many people attempt to pretend everything's ok,in doing so it becomes easier if you exclude certain people that the loved one was around this helps remove the triggers of sadness early on. Well I learned this by loosing my own momma, my sister & brother and I all separated and ya know seeing them now is honestly nothing love/attachment wise just another human....kinda sad,but it was our choice and here we are. I think it's important to try to keep this from happening with my daughter,however I feel at the mercy of my mother-in-law,honestly my daughter is simply filling a void where her mom would have been,she's younger and doing her best I guess. This mother-in-law I'm afraid may need to be set straight,my daughter should experience a natural void that shouldn't be temporarily filled by the MIL,in doing so my daughter doesn't process loss naturally. Make sense? This is a case of a 67 year old who never lost a relative until my wife/her daughter,she's been lucky in that regard. Ok thanks for allowing me to vent and voice my thoughts,this is hard and I'm struggling with my loss. I'm coming up on 2 years (20months) thanks for you guys support. Please if my comments seem out if line,or unrealistic,please tell me, I'm looking for help and need you guys to reply it helps greatly.~ToRn

Well ya know in every day life,when someone owes you money or has wronged you in some way and they know they have? Then they avoid you at all cost? That's what's happening here. See in my mind I see a healthy family discussing 'how fun' Easter/ visiting with grandma ....etc,that seems healthy to me. However I also know my kid baked cookies & cupcake & made lil 'snack bags' for Easter, took them to grandma's and took paw paw some seperatly, so I've gotta say WHY IS SHE LEAVING ME OUT? I can't understand . Ok.. I've definitely discussed how being left out made me feel and I've also mentioned how aweful I was made to feel when I got mistreated during the past holiday season.... I tried to get her to discuss things & told her I feel constant tension between her and I,then I asked "don't you feel seperated from me?",like we don't talk/ communicate on any level?these days..... She avoids this,she knows its not right and avoids the topic by saying "no I don't feel that way"all the time it's evident she is acting the same as she did as a lil kid,I raised her,her lies don't work on me,its obvious in her demeanor... Yet they goto grandma's house & discuss absolutely nothing with me, not a "she likes the cookies",look what the baby got.....etc, you guys know if you have kids these things are/where common, WHERE is the key word.. I guess on some level I'm worried about nothing, but I am agrivated,because I'm loosing touch with my daughter because of her cruelty in the past holiday.. Ill honestly never forget what she said/ did, no never. That day was my first to see how cold she could be... So I'm left to guess, I gotta beg to hear about the holiday? Everything seems as if I have to strive to be included on any level,well....I think that's unfair and cruel, so I don't inquire at all. I hope this makes sence, its hard to explain,its like I'm getting the cold shoulder from my daughter,basically& I don't have it in me to beg for forgiveness/to figure out what/why....I dont get it. Yes I can support myself, it'll be tight but I can do it. The biggest thing would be lawn care,aside from that I'm not dependent on them in any way,aside from assuming they are RELATIVES not disgruntled roommate's. . I betcha lots of Widow/Widowers go threw this with older children... I bet its not commonly discussed,because it's embarrassing, really it embarrassing. Thanks for your help SoSad & Portside, its good to know im not loosing my mind.....ToRn