JeanGenie

I'm with all of you...  some people just can't take the hint or read body language that says "don't really want to talk about it".  And those who try to relate by telling us how they lost their cousin or their grandparent or friend...  I'm sorry they lost someone they cared about but until you lose your spouse/partner, you just don't get it (I didn't) and it doesn't compare.  But there are those people who always try to "one up" the conversation.  At the same time, I am surprised when I blurt out to total strangers in response to some innocuous question (like the poor guy at the service station or the pest control guy who came to the house) that my husband died!!  That's why I'm thankful for all my "wid" friends--you all 'get it'!

I have learned a lot about myself and others through this roller coaster ride. I know that I am a good person, some of my "friends" only liked me when I was happy and at my best... grief fucks that all up! I now only have a couple of pre death friends and many more post death friends. My first 2 years were very difficult.. sometime around 2.5 years life got easier. I flirt, have fun and enjoy life much more than I have in the last 3 years. Still not much focus on the future... not sure that will ever come back.

 

My heart breaks when I read the posts from newbies... what an awful time in life.. then the first year ended and it didn't get brighter.. it just changed but was still blue. I can only hope that things get better as I get older and live through this awful situation.

Tracy, I could have written the same things about pre death and post death friends and how I'm feeling at 23 months.  I'm hoping life gets a little easier when I hit the 2.5 yr mark--although I am starting to see some "happy" moments now once in a while...mostly due to my post death friends.

Hugs to you as well!

Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  Less than four months from diagnosis to death; from "perfect" health to nothing that quickly.  She was amazing throughout, and I'll never forget the dignity she exhibited in the face of utter hopelessness.  Fuck that disgusting disease.

 

Seems like there's a fair few pancreatic cancer widows here.

Brenda, My husband died of colon cancer but by BIL (his brother) died of pancreatic cancer.  He was 53.  He was experiencing some lower back pain.  3 weeks from diagnosis to his passing.  He passed a month after my husband.  Cancer sucks....

Rent a movie and stay in...  get to wear my comfy clothes and snuggle on the couch.

Favorite snack while watching that movie....

Popcorn

or

Candy?

Actually did 5 days of 30 mins of exercise last week!  Already did 2 days this week.  Best part is that I realized this morning that my legs are not killing me after my strength training (could barely walk last week!)!!  Keep up the good work everyone!!

Flavored...

Trying to think spring...

Tulips

OR

Hyacinths

Sitting here in my jeans and hoodie after a long day caring for Mom.  Drinking a tall, cold bottle of....sparkling water!

Going to go put on my pj's and watch some sappy Hallmark movie by myself and probably fall asleep within 30 mins!

With Ice, please!

And what might you make with that water...

Iced Tea

or

Lemonade?

(RIFF...I didn't know. I'll take some of each to make up for my fopaux. Do you deliver?!)

Haven't met a car in 30 minutes.  I will drive a longer route to avoid traffic!

Cadbury Eggs

OR

Reese's PB Eggs

Beagle

Favorite James Bond--Sean Connery or Roger Moore?

Chess, although I suck at it but it challenges my brain.

And I read this originally as "cheese and crackers" so...

Cheese and crackers or

Cookies and milk

Hi everyone.  Just to update.....I'm not doing a very good job on keeping or making my goals, I am still working out for 30 mins at night but I have not gone to bed earlier...well I will go to bed, but end up falling asleep very very late (usually around 12 or 1am) thus making it impossible for me to get up at 5am for a run/fast walk on treadmill.  BUT I will keep trying!

November, good for you for working out for 30 mins at night.  I could not do that AND get to bed earlier.  But don't give up--tomorrow is a new day!!  Sending you supportive vibes!

Italian

Beer or wine?

Day 2 of 30 mins of exercising and logging food! 2 down, many more to go!!

Giraffes

sunrise or sunset?

I'm in on this after a long winter and caring for Mom...no time for exercise (or rather it was the first thing to go).  My goal this week is to get back to exercising 30 mins for 5 days/week.  I "should" also log my food...so far I've done that for 1/2 a day.  So maybe my goal is to do it for a full day!!  I did signup for another 5k in mid-April (I've done 3 previously).  Not sure I have enough time to get back in shape for that.  One week at a time, right?  So just 5 days straight of exercise will be and cutting back on snacking will be my goals for this week!

Sending good vibes your way!  The job sounds great and I hope you get it!!  How nice would that be!

Stage IV colon cancer. Diagnosed in December 2009.  Chemo every 2 weeks until he passed in April 2013.  Guess we had it "good" though.  He worked full-time throughout, we took vacations/trips, he played golf the afternoon of his treatments.  He had minor side effects (hair loss, minor neuropathy, fatigue) until the last month when we had to go to the ER and emergency colostomy.  He always said once they operated, that would be the beginning of the end and he was unfortunately right.  Although I miss him every single day and I hate that we are not able to grow old together (he was 60), I know the time since his diagnosis are our most memorable years and such a gift that I will always cherish.  Cancer sucks though...

Congratulations to you both!!

suv

gourmet jelly beans or classic?

Jess,

Thanks for doing this and obviously spending your entire weekend getting us setup in our new home!  Hugs and much appreciation to you!!

Florence, Italy, 2010

Out having a good time.  2011

With our son.  Misquamicut, RI 2012

I'm Jeanne and browsed YWBB but posted rarely. Met some good friends and found a lot of support from you all and so with a new board, I will try to make a renewed commitment to be more active/involved. That said...

Ed and I were together 31 years (I was 19, he was 29...a much older man!), married 29 years. Ed was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in December 2009. He started chemo immediately. We knew he was terminal and so we were committed to at least extending his life with chemo (surgery was not an option at that time). Ed continued chemo every 2 weeks over what ended up being 3+ years. During that time he continued to work full-time and our lives were fairly "normal" since he had minimal, if any, side effects from the chemo. Looking back, those 3 years were a gift. Ed would set milestones and one of his biggest goals was to see our only son graduate from college--which he survived to see in May 2012. Looking back, after surviving the first year after his diagnosis, we focused less on dying and more on living. And since he had minimal side effects or outward sides of "having cancer" it was easy to forget.

So when on March 26, 2013, he had severe abdominal pain and we had to call 911, we really weren't prepared for what came next. Ed ended up having emergency surgery (colostomy) and then we naively thought he'd be coming home after some rehab. That never happened. After more complications, he passed on April 22, 2013.

As much as I still miss him every day, I sometimes consider myself lucky that we had these 3 years since his diagnosis because it was the best years of our lives. And the last year, our son moved back home after graduation until he found full-time work. We had great quality family time and vacations together. And before Ed went into the hospital in March, our son did find a full-time job and we got him settled into his own apartment that February. At some level, I think my husband knew he could now rest since our son was well on his way.

And as awful as Ed's last month of life in the hospital was, I am grateful that I was with him every day during that month and that he died knowing he was the most important thing in my life. I was able to take a leave from work and I know he died knowing without a doubt that I loved him.

And for that I am grateful...