Hi Everyone ,
I have been looking for a forum where I can be in contact with people in similar situations. A place where people understand what your going through and where someone won't tell me '' your still young '' or '' God has a plan '' where I don't have to explain why after 3 months it is so hard! I lost my husband in July to Cancer. We were married 3.8 years. I still remember that day as it was yesterday! My husband kept me in the dark with how severely ill he was. So the day the doctor told me that my husband won't make it through the night (Lung Infection - antibiotics not helping , Immune system too weak ) my whole world fell apart. People honestly expect me to tell them whats so hard.... I lost my dad the same month. I loved my hubby more than life itself. The day he died it felt as if apart of me died too. He was my best friend and now I feel hollow. I moved continents to be with him. My reason for being here has left.
The last few months I have been like an observer. Waking up , Surviving and going back to bed. :'( I have been so exhausted , unhappy at a low. Filled with Anxiety and Weekly Panic Attacks. Until I finally decided that I need help , and with medication I am functioning through my day. I feel embarrassed and so ashamed. I am socially awkward my friends are planning weddings and kids and here I am trying to cope with grief and frantically trying not to forget the memories.
I meet new people who constantly ask what brought me here ..... when I say I was married they assume I am divorced and waits for an explanation. I expected one would get a little privacy , but the past months I have learned we as human beings are way too curious for our own good! Someone even said to me recently ... I still behave married. What the hell ? yes I behave married cause in my heart I am still married.
I would really love to hear from others. I would appreciate any words of wisdom. Life has become hard! and would love tips on how to survive it!
Thanks
Meg