Bones

I do.. Slow progress. Almost too slow. Now he has competition. Competition came out of nowhere. Competition has been saying and doing all the right things. So much...that I'm going on a date tomorrow. I like him. I'm excited. I think I'm going to get a kiss out of this. I. Can't. Wait. Who knew something so simple as the thought of a kiss could be... Tantalizing. Thank you asking. It is nice to share

Have not posted in a while. I believe that I am in a place where I can live side by side as a widow, and as someone that is ready to live and love again. All along I have missed intimacy from the little things to the big things. However, now I have a crush on someone. Now intimacy has a face....and a body...and it is all I can think of. The man of my affections is 12 years my senior. Had a loveless marriage, is getting divorced, and selling his house. He has a lot going on. In subtle ways he has definitely flirted with me. I am unsure if he is ready to date. Sometimes I wonder if he just does not know how far out a widow has to be to be approached. Sometimes I feel like he is interested, but assumes I'm not because of age and situation. When I do see him, I'm with my oldest daughter who is 18. We have never been able to really talk alone. I occasionally text him, and he does respond. But he has said several times that he does not text much at all. I'm in no rush. The problem, I'm in constant arousal. I can't stop thinking about doing things to this man, and he to me. I swoon in my head. I catch my breath. I have so much, " energy," right now that I exercise a lot. It helps. Anyone else living this life in their head?! My plan. I'm taking care of myself. Losing weight, 25 lbs so far. Using kegel weights to tighten the pelvic floor. Sorry those, "Pee Happens," commercials scare the crap out of me. When I actually do have sex ,I want to go through the roof, and knock someone's socks off. Thanks, I really needed to get this out there.

Leiomyosarcoma of the left pulmonary artery. Misdiagnosed as a Pulmonary Embolism. Symptoms persisted and was misdiagnosed again, with a psychogenic cough- a fancy way of saying that persistent barking cough is all in your head. Someone finally had the good sense to repeat a CT. The diagnosis did not seem compatible with life. It wasn't. As many of you witnessed the same, my husband went through unimaginable procedures and complications to try to stay alive for his family. He passed July 2015.

Yep, I have been lurking for the last three months. But leave it to me to join, and debut my grief here on the Fuck You thread. Fuck you FIL who half heartedly offered to help in any way, until I apparently called your bluff. Fuck you Frenemy with your nuggets of wisdom along the way. Like this, " You know how I am, I had to research J's cancer. Only 12 cases in modern history. It's bad, isn't it ?" Fuck every so called friend that can't even take the time to send a text. Fuck that I think about sex more than a teenaged boy- wth. Why just why?? Fuck, I've been strong enough haven't I ? Why can't someone let me be weak for one flipping hour. Please let me cry in a heap, hold me and tell me it will be okay. Just for one hour. Fuck the next person who asks about the college tours we have been on. You are kidding me right? Because apparently cancer just has a beginning and an end. Fuck all the self absorbed people who assume that someone is stepping up to be there so they are off the hook. Not a single one. Fuck the grief diet that did not work for me. I followed it exactly- still a size 14 here. Thank you that was felt fucking great.