smabify

I remember that night Maureen. Thinking of you still, and wishing you well. *HUGS*

So. Here I am again. Five years, three months, 3 days ago, my love died, resting in my arms. I didn't loose him; he's not a pen I errantly tossed in a strange corner, never to be found again. He died. I've been absent from this place for a while now. Many of us have, I think. Once in a while I read. Those who walked before me, of those who followed after. All our stories. So very different, and yet so many similar elements. All of us so different, all of us coming to seek some sort of connection, searching for the people who truly understand the terrible path we now walk alone. I think back to the first months when I found the YWBB forum. Those were the times when I was yelling out into a deep void. When I finally found that page, it felt like someone heard me and could yell back, for the first time in months. My greatest find was definitely the chat room. Wonderful people, ready to lend a listening ear, immediate response to any question or emotion you were carrying on that particular day. My virtual friends. Seasoned veterans, such as Donna, Maureen, Karen, and dear sweet Leslie. A Scottish army man, who voluntarily leapt out of airplanes. He found love, and we in the room witnessed (and vetted!) many of the moments. Jo and Kirby, who found each other over time. Rob who brought the music (and the sarcasm!) Mark with his cars, Lynn with her stripper pole, Sarah tossed pillows and Shiela even threw a goat a few times. I cannot say enough about these people. They were there to talk me off a ledge. They were with me when my oldest daughter almost died in the hospital. They were witness when my second was pronounced cancer feee. We were the wid army. Music trivia, drinking nights, iPod shuffle, encouraging new romances, rejoicing over milestones and upholding through rough patches - we did it all together. Slowly, we have drifted apart. Some have moved on. New romances, new routines, actual people as friends, a whole host of different reasons. And yet, if we were to 'meet' again, I suspect it would be just the same. Helping one another. Reaching out. Being silly to forget about life for a while, and then turning on a dime to offer complete and utter support to the one who was falling. I met my best friend in this group. A woman who is my umbrella when it rains over me, who shares her heart with no strings. We have never met in person (obviously the world would implode if we did), but we are connected. It is wonderful to have someone understand your situation so well. I cherish her friendship, and her unrelenting quest to make sure I and my minis are doing ok. So to all you new folk out there, I say don't give up. Use these boards. Vent, celebrate, connect. Use the amazing chat room. Tell people that you are going on it! Join the Facebook group if you like - sometimes that's an even better way to connect (it has notifications). Or if you are not a hermit like me, meet with actual real people. My point is connect. Not all the time, though that goes in cycles too, but whenever you need to. Make yourself an army. Join a wid gang. Find people who get it, who will support you no matter what. And be sure to do the same for them. We all need it! /steps off soapbox and ambles into the distance

yup. but you know that!

No, there wasn't anything wrong with it. I'm tired of being told that I'm strong, but even more tired of the "you should..." which is what this has become. I'm happy you are all better, more zen, more sincere, more whatever than I. Me? I'm tired of it. I've put up with a lot.

This thread has taken a turn that was expected, but not at all intended. Since I don't feel the need to justify my remarks, I shall delete them

What's me time??

I think I can make this one work! Saturdays are much better for me than Sundays... All depends on my chicklets. Will be watching to see what happens

No words, only tears. Leslie was very dear to my heart. There's even a care package sitting on my table here, ready to send out tomorrow! My kids knew about her, and loved to draw and colour pictures for their adopted gramma! Leslie shared her calm and gentle spirit willingly, and will be forever remembered!

There's tears in my eyes, and I don't care. I'll sit right here, not go anywhere. I won't do things to make you see what's happening deep inside of me. It's been too long. It's been to hard. I've held together, but I'm falling apart. I've worn the mask, I've done the play But right now, No, I'm not OK. I've lost the dream, I've lost the goals I'm here alone, I'm in the cold. Nothing's easy, can't you see? There's nothing going right for me. Tell me to feed them better tell me I should blame the weather Tell me that it will get better Tell me anything - it doesn't matter Nothing at all that you can say will ever make it go my way Please know that for at least today There's no way that I'll be OK Before you ask, just one last time you know what I'm going to say if you ask me for the news No, I'm not OK

brilliant! Thanks for sharing, Sarah

I so get this! And I love how you put it too. "Life is lived in sequence. Never in parallel." I have no profound wisdom for you, only tons of empathy and encouragement!

Thank you everyone! I think much the same way. A single parent is one that's doing it on their own. A divorced parent may fall under both categories (depending on the level of commitment by the ex spouse. if (s)he runs away and has nothing to do with them, the remaining spouse is a single parent as well.) In the particular group I'm dealing with, this opinion is very minimal. Once a single parent, always a single parent. When I try to say that you are no longer a single parent after you've been married for 15 years and were single for 2 years before that, I get scathing comments. Glad to see at least some agree with me!

So if you had a child, got divorced when that child was 3 months old, and remarried 2 years later, are you still a "single parent"? It has come up a few times recently, and I seem to have a different opinion than most, so just testing the waters here to see if I'm crazy. Crazier than normal, at least.

And now that I've posted all this, I'm having panic attacks... What if people actually want to COME?? People. PEOPLE! I should not be around people. In general, people do not like me. ;-)

ahh Mr. Rob, you are correct as usual! I live in Caledonia, which is just outside of Hamilton, Ontario. I am almost equal distance between Toronto and Buffalo airports (about 45 minutes from each) - always depends on traffic! There are several more reasonably priced hotels located in Hamilton if you don't mind staying in a Super 8 / Days Inn type deal. It's about 15 minutes from here. There's a nice Days Inn on Upper James Street that averages about $110 per night at that time of year. If that's too pricey, I'm almost sure we can get a little less expensive with a bit more research. Would love to get you closer, but living in a hick town like this, there's nothing really close If it would be more convenient, we could do a real Niagara bago - there are hotels just outside of the actual "tourist" area that are actually reasonable. I've actually never camped so close, but I will look into the campgrounds, and let you know about that! If worst comes to worst, you can camp in my backyard That's it for now, but if any other questions come up, I shall be happy to look into them!