pammierae7363

Many many hugs to you . . . I understand exactly . . . because I have two dates, too, and it sucks. Bowman died January 20, 2014. It was Martin Luther King Day . . . So every year I dread January 20 and MLK Day . . . and I just realized that next year the whole country will be celebrating the day I dread . . . Inauguration Day is always January 20 . . . every four years the country will be having a party . . . I think I'll just hide away for the whole week next year.

DITTO. Big time. triple ditto. Triple dog ditto

Bowman and I weren't married when he died. We both had gone through bad marriages and divorces and weren't ready to "make it legal" just yet. Although I proposed to him on Leap Year Day in 2012 and we joked about getting married on the 40th anniversary of our first date - 11/14/2015. (Quick back story - we were sweethearts in junior high, dated for two years, I got scared he would dump me when he went to the high school and dumped him first. Regretted it immediately. Things were said and done that were hurtful during the breakup and we didn't speak for over 30 years. He showed up on Facebook as a friend of a friend 5 years ago and it was like the thirty years apart had never happened.) He died 01/20/2014 in a car accident on his way to work. Luckily, he had revised his will, his power of attorney, and his health care advanced directives just a few months before the accident and I was the executor of his estate . . . we wanted to make sure that there were legal "protections" in place if something should happen to one of us. My wonderful sister and my wonderful mother both told me at the funeral that it didn't matter if there was a "piece of paper" stating I was his wife - we had been in a committed relationship and that God knew the love in our hearts. The legal system needed the official form from the Probate Court, though, before anyone would talk to me about anything. I am blessed that his children and his family accepted me as family.

Fuck that I got a great new job and he's not here for me to tell him all about it. Fuck that I am explaining the story again . . . Fuck that the two year anniversary is two weeks away . . . Fuck that I had to buy presents for the grandsons alone . . . he could spend hours in Toys R Us finding the perfect gift Fuck that the grandsons will grow up not knowing Papaw . . . or how excited he was to have them in his life. shit damn hell fuck god damn mother fuck son of a bitch . . . (a combo of mine and his favorite curse words)

Fuck that his birthday is next week and I'm buying fucking flowers for his fucking grave instead of the cool new ham radio gadget or a new Steelers jersey or whatever else would make his eyes light up. Fuck that the birthday dinner will just be me and his mom and not a big party with friends and family. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Deedee my heart breaks for you. I lost my beloved Bowman in a car crash a little more the. 14 months ago. I, too, had family move in and take care of me for the first week. At first I thought it was a pity part but I realized it was love for me and him that moved them to do it. But you are right. Eventually we have to learn to stand on our own two wobbly feet. That's where it's board comes in. I'd be lost without these kind souls. I'm sorry you had to join our club.

Hi, Sandy I am sorry for your loss and sorry that you had to join us but I'm glad you are here. I'm 14 months into this journey and this board has been a big comfort to me. It may sound silly that everyone keeps mentioning it but it really is important . . . make sure you eat (even if it's a TV dinner or fast food) and make sure you drink a lot of water. I thought it was silly but dehydration is a serious thing. Make sure to take care of yourself, be gentle on yourself, and remember you aren't alone,

I admire your courage to even think of looking at the photos. My beloved Bowman was killed in a car crash. His injuries were so bad that we had to have a closed casket for his funeral. But I did get to see him one last time at the funeral home after I met with the funeral director to make the arrangements. Like you, I had to make sure that it really was him and that he wasn't "out there" somewhere. Even though my sister and his mom (who were there making arrangements with me) strongly discouraged me from doing it, I stood up for myself and did what I had to do. I am eternally grateful to his brother and his son for taking me into the room to see him. I'm sure they shielded me from seeing the bad stuff but seeing him one last time did bring me some comfort and closure. If you do decide to do it, please bring a trusted friend or family member with you. You are going to need their support