JacklessSally

@fuchsiasky My fiancee was also legally married to his ex at the time of his death. We did not know they were still married until September of 2014, and he was killed in November. He had only re-signed the paperwork like.. 21 days prior to when he was killed. So they are still legally married and he is legally her widow..

Fuck Jan 26th... NationalSpouseDay... great reminder that my love and I couldnt get married before some asshole took his life.Thanks for reminding me i'm alone, and he is gone. Stupid made up calendar bullshit. (Sorry if that sounds terrible for all you lovely people who had the married life, I'm just bitter)

Fuck that tomorrow, he will have been dead longer than we were together....

First time posting in this thread Post angelversary slump, just hanging out in his hoodie in bed with the dog.

The 1 year mark was yesterday. I stayed home from work and stayed in bed a little later than my therapist suggested. At night, his mother and I went out to the cemetary and released two sky lanterns for him.

Fuck November. 2 years ago you brought me the love of my life. A year ago, you ripped him from me. Fuck you November.

The year is coming up quickly. I have taken the day off from work and plan on being a lazy bum and dealing with the emotions as they come. I will be alone the night before and into the day, I am not looking forward to that part. I've been pretty numb for the last several months with the exception of small outbursts of emotions. I am afraid that I will be a useless blubbering mess in bed all day.

Fuck the fact that today we should have been getting married..

I celebrated with family (mine and Blaine's) on Friday with dinner. Today I worked and slapped on a happy face until I was on the way home and started to cry. They threw a party for me at work, my owners are kinda like adoptive parents, they wanted to make sure I felt special.

Today is my 30th birthday. Ive cried off and on for the last week thinking about today. I do not want to face today. I do not want to be starting the next decade of my life without him. I got to celebrate his 40th birthday with him, why didn't he get to celebrate my 30th birthday with me. Of course I am happy we got to celebrate my 29th birthday together. It is a memory I will cling onto, but I cant help but feel like all of this shit is unfair. All I want for my birthday is for him to come home..

In Blaine's 20's he had a child, he and his girlfriend gave their son up for adoption. When his son would have been turning 18, Blaine decided to get clean and start a new life. He hoped that his son would come looking for him. The day of Blaine's funeral my SOOL and I found Blaine's son on FB... A few months ago my MOOL for up the nerve to call him. Spencer was sobbing he was so excited that he was found by his father's family. My MOOL did not tell him that Blaine had been killed. Last night the house phone rang and it was Spencer's adoptive mother. Blaine's mom and her talked for a while and my MOOL had to break the news that Blaine had been killed... My poor MOOL sobbed all night.. She was finally able to have a relationship with her only grandson, but it took losing her oldest child to do so. How I wish I could reverse time and found Spencer when Blaine was still alive. All of this has sent us all back down the grief hole. It's insane how something so amazing like being reunited with family can be so utterly heartbreaking .

This was two weekends ago for me. We had been decorating my fiancee's grave since day one, but now that the stone is there makes it way harder to trick myself into thinking this isn't really happening. ((big hugs))

I can't stop crying Grief and Recovery, A compassionate guide. by John D. Martin & Frank D Ferris

1- Yah for bring me the horizon! 2. I guess I need to listen to this song now.

Jen, when you were first going through this, I didn't understand. As his death date gets farther and farther away.. I am starting to seriously get it. ((big hug)) I'm just a text away.