Ginger

The following is a long list of resource books that had been posted by a member (sorry I don't have the member's name) from the old board. Most have to do with children, either as a resource for adults or books children could read. (Disclaimer: I know nothing about any of these resources but thought it may be helpful to parents looking for a starting point.) Adult The Grieving Child - A Parent's Guide By Helen Fitzgerald Simon & Schuster / New York / 1992 Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Loved One, A Guide for Grownups William C. Kroen, Ph.D., LMHC Free Spirit Works for Kids/1996 Children and Grief, When a Parent Dies J. William Worden Guilford Publications, Inc./1996 Common Threads of Teenage Grief, A Handbook for Healing By Teens Who Know & Janet N. Tyson, LPC Helm Publishing/1998 No Time For Good-byes, Coping with Sorrow, Anger and Injustice After a Tragic Death-5th ed. Janice Harris Lord Pathfinder Publishing/California/2000 On Children and Death, How children and their parents can and do cope with death Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D. Simon & Schuster/1997 Copyright 1983 by Kubler-Ross Helping Children Cope With Grief Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D. Muncie, Ind.:Accelerated Development Inc./1983 Explaining Death To Children Grollman EA, ed. Beacon Press/Boston/1967 Helping Children Grieve: When Someone They Love Dies Huntley T. Augsberg Fortress/Minneapolis/1991 For Those Who Live: Helping Children Cope With the Death of a Brother or Sister LaTour K. Centering Corporation/Omaha, NE/1983 Helping Children Cope With Death The Dougy Center The Dougy Center / 1998 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child The Dougy Center The Dougy Center / 1999 Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss Hope Edelman Dell / 1995 Living With Grief: Children, Adolescents and Loss Hospice Foundation of America Brunner Mazel / Hospice Foundation of America / 2000 Helping Teens Cope With Death The Dougy Center The Dougy Center / 1998 Helping Children Grieve: When Someone They Love Dies Huntley, T. Augsburg Fortress/Minneapolis/1991 Life & Loss: A Guide To Help Grieving Children, 2nd Edition Linda Goldman Accelerated Development / 2000 Child Lost and Found: A Kid's Book For Living Through Loss Rabbi Marc Gellman & Monsignor Thomas Hartman Morrow Junior Books / New York / 1999 The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, A Story of Life for All Ages Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D. Slack Inc./1982 The Next Place Warren Hanson Waldman House Press, Inc./1997` Gentle Willow, A Story for Children About Dying Joyce C. Mills, Ph.D. Magination Press, Washington, DC The Tenth Good Thing About Barney Judith Viorst Atheneum New York/1971 Older Child Help for the Hard Times: Getting Through Loss Earl Hipp Hazelden / 1995 How It Feels When A Parent Dies Jill Krementz Alfred A. Knopf / New York / 1996 Straight Talk About Death For Teenagers: How to Cope With Losing Someone You Love Earl A. Grollman Beacon Press / Boston The Saddest Time Simon N. Albert Whitman & Co./Morton Grove, IL/1986 Younger Child I Will Always Love You Hans Wilhelm Crown Publishers / New York / 1985 It Must Hurt A Lot: A Child's Book About Death Doris Sanford Multnomah Press / Hong Kong / 1986 The Accident Carol Carrick Text / 1976 The Empty Place Roberta Temes, Ph.D. New Horizon Press / 1992 The Saddest Time Norma Simon General Publishing / 1986 When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death Laurie Kransy Brown & Marc Brown Little, Brown & Company / 1996 I Know I Made It Happen Blackburn L.B. Centering Corporation/Omaha, NE/1991 Why Did Grandpa Die? A Book About Death. Hazen BS Western Publishing/Rancine, WI/1985 Anderson's Goodbye Clifton L. Everett Henry Holt/New York/1983 Sammy's Mommy Has Cancer Kohlenberg S. Magination Press/New York/1993 It Must Hurt A Lot: A Child's Book About Death Sanford D. Multnomah Press/Hong Kong/1986 I Heard Your Mommy Died Scrivai M. Centering Corporation/Omaha, NE/1994 What's Heaven? Shriver M. Scholastic/New York/1999 Saying Goodbye to Daddy Vigna J. Albert Whitman & Co./IL/1991 I Don't Have Uncle Phil Anymore Marjorie White Pellegrino Magination Press / Washington, DC / 1999 Gentle Willow: A Story For Children About Dying Joyce C. Mills, Ph.D. Imagination Press / New York / 1993

Books that were recommended to me. Some spoke to me, some didn't. I also pulled some resource book lists for children from the old board that I will copy into another post. Hello From Heaven - Bill Guggenheim, Judy Guggenheim (for those who believe in after life communication) I found it very interesting The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom (not resource material but a good read) Good Grief - A Novel by Lolly Winston (not resource material but a good read - was a very popular read on the old board ) When Bad Things Happen to Good People - Harold S. Kushner Widowed - Dr. Joyce Brothers Resource books: A Decembered Grief - Harold Ivan Smith Getting to the Other Side of Grief - ZonnebeltSmeenge/De Vries A Time to Grieve - Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Loved One Transcending Loss - Ashley Davis Prend, A.C.S.W.

I saw sdarrah1130's Library Post in the General Discussion and I thought maybe we needed to have a book resources list in this forum. I copied and pasted the Books that were posted in the General forum and then added more in following posts. If you find a book that was helpful to you or might help another widow/widower, please add it to this post. Wifeless: "A Grief Observed" by C. S. Lewis, which describes his journey through grief after losing his wife. And the first half of: "Man?s Search for Meaning . . ." by Viktor E. Frankl, in which he makes the argument that "... suffering ceases to be suffering in some way in the moment that it finds a meaning". Over the 5+ years of my widowhood, I have found this to be true. H. Kushner's "When Bad Things Happen to Good People", which I have not read but many other widows and widowers have found helpful, are mentioned in the following article that you may wish to read about recovery from grief: http://www.gapsychology.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=305 Lisapop: I was not a big reader on the subject but many people recommend I Am Grieving As Fast As I Can Catnip: I recommend "Widow to Widow by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg". I've gone back to it time and time again, and it's been 8 years for me. Baylee627 "And Life Comes Back: A Wife's Story of Love, Loss, and Hope", by Tricia Lott Williford. It's about the author's first year or so after being widowed in her early 30's, the different phases she experienced, and finally, a renewed sense of hope. The author is Christian. If you're not religious, I would still say the book is relatable, and the author's not overly preachy. Just a good read. swilson: A few I've read, many I hope to read; Widow to Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas For Rebuilding Your Life ~ Genevieve Davis Ginsburg For Widows Only ~ Annie Estlund When Your Soul Aches ~ Lois Mowday Rabey Companion Through the Darkness ~ Stephanie Ericsson I Will Not Be Broken ~ Jerry White The Tender Scar: Life After the Death of a Spouse ~ Mabry, Richard Chicken Soup for The Greiving Soul ~ Jack Canfoeld, Mark Victor Hansen & Amy Newmark Seven Choices ~Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World" by Elizabeth Harper Reflections of a Grieving Spouse: The Unexpected Journey from Loss to Renewed Hope ~ H. Norman Wright's Coping with Life After Your Mate Dies ~ Cushenbery, Donald C. Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse ~Zonnebelt-Smeenge, Susan J. The Light That Never Dies: A Story of Hope in the Shadows of Grief ~ William HendricksA Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss ~ Jerry Sittser Finding Your Way Through Grief, A Guide for the First Year ~ Marty Tousley Waking Up Alone, Grief & Healing ~ Julie K Cicero How to go on Living When Someone you Love Dies, ~ Therese A Rando Widows Wear Stilettos, A Practical & Emotional Guide for the young widow ~ Carole Brody Fleet I Wasn't Ready to say Goodbye ~ Brooke Noel & Pamela Blair Healing After Loss by Martha W Hickman Loving What Is, Four Questions that Can Change Your Life ~ Byron Katie From One Widow to Another: Converstations on the New you ~ Miriam Neff The Grief Club ~ Melody Beattie A Widow's Story ~ Joyce Carol Oates The Sisterhood of Widows ~ Mary Francis Traveling With George: An Out-of-This-World Experience ~ Betty Waldron Portenlanger Where Do I Go from Here? - Neff, Miriam From One Widow to Another - Neff, Miriam Captains Wife: I personally liked "Saturday Night Widows", although would read this one a little further out. "A Widows Walk-a Memoir of 9-11" - would also read this one later on. I personally liked I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can (in the beginning). "The UnFaithful Widow" (also a little further out).

I am bringing this forward from the YWBB. THE DASH I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning...to the end. He noted that first came the date of her birth And spoke of the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth... And now only those who loved her Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own; The cars....the house...the cash. What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard... Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left. (You could be at "dash mid-range.") That can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough To consider what's true and real, And always try to understand The way other people feel And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile... Remembering that this special dash Might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy's being read With your life's actions to rehash... Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash? ~ Author unknown

Letter From Heaven To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say. But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay. I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above. Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight. Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night. That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through. God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you. It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone. As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on. I need you here badly, you're a part of my plan. There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man," God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do. And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you. And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight. God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night. When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years. Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears. But do not be afraid to cry: it does relieve the pain. Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain. I wish that I could tell you, all that God has planned. But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand. Yet one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over. I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before. There are rocky roads ahead of you, and many hills to climb. But together we can do it by taking one day at a time. It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too; That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you. If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain; Then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain." And now I am contented...that my life was worthwhile. Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile. So if you meet somebody, who is sad and feeling low, Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go. When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind, I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. And when it's time for you to go....from that body to be free. Remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me. ---Author unknown When Tomorrow starts without me When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see; If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today, While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say. I know how much you love me, as much as I love you, And each time you think of me, I know you'll miss me, too. But when tomorrow starts without me, please try and understand, That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand, And said my place was ready in heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye, For all my life I'd always thought I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for and so much yet to do, It seemed almost impossible that I am leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had. If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see your smile. But then I fully realized that this could never be. For emptiness and memories would take the place of me. And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. When God look down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne. He said, "This is eternity and all I've promised you, Today your life on earth is past, but here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last, And since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past. But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true, Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgiven, and now at last your free. So won't you take my hand and share my life with me?" So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart, For everytime you think of me, I'm right here in your heart. --Author unknown

Add me to this growing list of those that are happy to see you here again. Your thoughtful and supportive posts were always a welcome sight to me. Glad you made it here to this new board. Ginger

The originator of the word was Abbe, one of the first members on the YWBB. It is a play on the word, Winnebago. You think of a Winnebago RV (recreational vehicle) as something used to travel to many new places, visit with old friends or make new friends, and a chance to have a new adventure. Thus the term "Widowbago" is a term used for Widows "traveling" to new places with a chance to make new friends and or to visit with old ones. It may be the first chance or place to have a new adventure with people who truly "get it" on this journey called grief.

As a longtime member (joined July 2003) I am very grateful for the founders of the original board. Their insight to create such a supportive place to grieve and let out all the emotions and feelings that most people can't understand was wonderful. That being said, I do believe there would have been a kinder and more supportive way to close the board. The abruptness and lack of empathy for newbies and all members of the board seems heartless. I have to agree with Rob. This one thread doesn't make it the main focus of this new board. I think members need a place to vent about their feelings concerning the abrupt closing of the board. And since there was no opportunity to do it on the old board, it's seems a natural place to do it here. Plus it is really a piece of history for why this new board came about. I don't feel that it detracts from the purpose of this board but shows how necessary it is to have an outlet for our feelings during a time of grief. Hoping this new board will continue to provide the support and camaraderie that the old one did, Ginger

The following came from several poems posted on the old board that I found poignant and thought might be worth bringing forward. Please feel free to add any poems that might speak to you. A million times we've needed you A million times we've cried If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died. In life we loved you dearly, In death we love you still. In our hearts you hold a place No one else will ever fill. It broke our hearts to lose you, But you didn't go alone Part of us went with you, The day God took you home. - Author unknown For That, I am Thankful by Darcie D. Sims It doesn't seem to get any better... but it doesn't get any worse,either. For that, I am thankful. There are no more pictures to be taken... but there are memories to be cherished. For that, I am thankful. There is a missing chair at the table... but the circle of family gathers, close. For that, I am thankful. The turkey is smaller... but there is still stuffing. For that, I am thankful. The days are shorter... but the nights are softer. For that, I am thankful. The calendar still turns, the holidays still appear and they still cost too much... but I am still here. For that, I am thankful. The room is still empty, the soul still aches... but the heart remembers. For that, I am thankful. The guests still come, the dishes pile up... but the dishwasher works. For that, I am thankful. The name is still missing, the words unspoken... the silence is shared. For that, I am thankful. The snow still fall, the sled still waits, and the spirit wants to... For that, I am thankful. The stillness remains... but the sadness is smaller. For that, I am thankful. The moment is gone... but the love is forever. For that, I am blessed. For that, I am grateful... Love was once (and still is) a part of my being... for that, I am living. I am living...and for that I am thankful. In the rising of the sun and in its going down, We remember them. In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, We remember them. In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring, We remember them. In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, We remember them. In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn, We remember them. In the beginning of the year and when it ends, We remember them. When we are weary and in need of strength, We remember them. When we are lost and sick at heart, We remember them. When we have joys we yearn to share, We remember them. So long as we live, they too will live, For they are a part of all who have known them. We remember them. --Author unknown

Since we are losing a lot of the board's history, I just wanted to share how the first Widowbago came about. This is an excerpt from a post that Abbe, one of the original members shared in July 2003. She shared this story with anyone that asked, including myself, so I'm sure she would be fine sharing it again here to preserve the concept and the history. Please feel free to post your first Bago experience here. "I thought I would start this thread because alot of you might be wondering what exactly is a Widowbago Gathering. I found this board when I was widowed about 11 months. At that time there were only 20 or so people posting and we spoke only thru the message board. At some point in time, there was talk about meeting in NYC. I wanted so badly to go, but absolutely terrified. How could I possibly meet people online??? How could I travel into the city by myself??? I had one foot into committing and the other out. I asked a local widow friend to go with me, and all I got was excuses. I felt if I didn't go and take one step forward I would have more to lose. Up until the moments I left, I almost backed out. I decided not to stay overnight, figured if I didn't like these people I could always just leave (pure genious, huh?) When I walked into the hotel bar (of course that was after calling my sister from the bathroom to let her know I was still alive!) and there sat Ed and Teal - the three of us with broad smiles was totally unbelievable - then came Ann E, Patty, Carol Y, Mary, Lauren, Caroline, and a few others. We talked and laughed nonstop. Would never know it was the first time we met. It was like coming home - knowing in people eyes that they knew how you felt and in turn knew them. We laughed and smiled the entire time. It was awesome! I went back into the city the next night for dinner with them. We were all friends that just had never met before. ...... An hour or so later during dinner, Carol Y and I were talking about her wanting to travel around and visit all of us - hence the birth of the term Widowbago. ..... hopefully everyone will join in with their stories. ... Since then, we have met in NYC again - people have met for dinner, lunch, afternoon, whatever, whenever. It's really nice to know that we have friends in every state - for ex = Lisa M was up from Florida last week, orig from NJ, so she said we have to get together, just so happens Ed was staying with friends that weekend in NJ, so we ended up having a wonderful afternoon together. Now alot of us can't seem to get enough - socializing is part of healing ... there is no pressure to attend - if it works for you, come, if not we'll be together another time. So everyone, share your stories for all of the people wondering..."

Fleur thank you for your thoughtful and honest post. I do care what you have to say. I am also a longtime member of the old board (over 11years) and have very similar feelings as you do. Although my situation was different than yours, the board was a lifeline to me in the first few years. I too rarely post anymore but still find comfort in coming to the board to read or just to feel a connection with others that still "get it", even after this long a time. When a fellow widow text me that the board was closing I thought, "no, that can't be right". When it was confirmed, it did feel like another devastating loss. All I could think of was all the people that had responded to my early posts and the overwhelming support and caring I felt from them. It is difficult to believe all that knowledge and caring wasn't going to be there anymore. It's not that I need to revisit that early time or other members' posts but just knowing it was there if I needed to was always a comfort. I am also disappointed in the way the closing of the board played out. I truly feel it could have been handled in a much better way, especially since they supposedly had been discussing it for a while. I feel like they took something good and reduced it in their minds as being irrelevant. I feel like their explanation on Facebook was cavalier and somewhat insensitive. They have every right to close the board, but I would think they should have had some responsibility to help members transition to something else since the original goal of the board was to provide support for grieving spouses / SO's. I am happy to see that there were people who stepped up in this time of crisis and gave their time and knowledge to get this new board up and running so quickly. Kudos to you. But as Fleur stated I truly hope that this board is mostly self moderated and that any moderating will be used only in the most extreme cases. Thanks Fleur for posting. If you hadn't I probably wouldn't have put in my two cents concerning this. And even if you don't post I hope you do come to this new board just to have the sense of belonging to someplace that will always understand. And I do remember you also.

Thanks for posting this separately. Eyes appreciate it. ;D