Ginger

Wishing you and everyone a calm, peaceful day and the strength to get through it. Eventually the better memories of past Valentine’s will overpower these sadder ones.

Hello everyone, As I have tried to do around this time of year, I am bumping up this post for newbies or others that might be interested in lighting a virtual candle in remembrance of their loved one. The site still seems to be working. I hope it can bring some small amount of peace to all of us that long for it during this holiday season . https://gratefulness.org/light-a-candle/ Ginger

Thank you Lewis. Hopefully we can get some new bago opportunities going soon.

I have been to many Widowbagos over the years and grifters or unwanted people has not been an issue. Bagos either take place in a public location or at someone’s home. In the case of a home gathering, private information such as address or phone # is discouraged from being posted online. You would have to become a member to private message the person hosting the private gathering to get specific address or contact information. Being able to see the Widowbago section without being a member has not caused a problem on this current board or the original board, at least not that I am aware of. It would let newbies, who might benefit from actually meeting other people that are going through the same struggles or feelings, see that option could be available to them.

I was wondering why the Widowbago meetings section only shows up if you sign in as a member? There may be new widows/widowers that haven’t the confidence to sign up as a member right away. They may not realize that there are ways to meet up with members in-person, in or near their location, to get additional support and understanding without feeling judged. It seems to be is a valuable piece that I know had been very helpful to me. Sometimes the human connection with people who understand is extraordinarily important. That is why I don’t understand why it seems you can’t access the forum unless you sign in. Is there something I am missing? Ginger

The first few weeks and months can be overwhelming. But it can be comforting to know that you are not alone and there is a place to find some comfort from other that have been where you are now. As for books that might help you, that is an individual thing. When this new board started, I brought over a list of posts from the old board of suggested readings. You can find it as the first post in the “Books and Quotes” section. There is a lot of info packed in there so try not to get overwhelmed. At least it will give you titles and authors you can check into. And you can pick and choose anything that my sound helpful to you or worth your time. Hopefully more people will post their own recommendations for you. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be any quick fixes to grief and it usually takes time to find a way through it. But there is hope and support here. Take care of yourself. Ginger

Hi everyone, I just wanted to bring this thread back to the top so any newbies or older members who might be interested in lighting a virtual candle in remembrance of their loved one are aware of this sight. The candle stays lit for 48 hours. You can go back as often as you like and light as many candles as you wish. Like last year, if you put the “Widda” at the end of your dedication you would be able to put Widda in the Search box and it should bring up the candles lit by other board members. Wishing all our members a peaceful holiday. Ginger

I think I will be able to make this. So what time are people going to get there? Ginger

I thought it was time to bring this post back up to the top in case new members were curious about how Widobagos came about. Just a little history. Feel free to share your experiences so others may see the benefits that many of us have gotten when we took the chance to venture out of our comfort zone. Ginger

As we share this date, even though it is 14 years for me today, I share your thoughts and sentiments! I was thinking of posting today but didn't know what more I could say or add after 14 years. Some things have changed over the years, but the concept of time or lack of it concerning the events of this day, have remained the same. Memories are still clear and an underlying sadness of all that Jim has missed is still front and center on this day. But as the years have accumulated the sadness of this day is less devastating or as long lasting. Luckily I was able to spend a part of the day with a fellow board member that I now call a dear friend who has helped me along this journey. I'm not trying to hijack your lovely post, but I know we share this day and I've been thinking of you this past month and I'm hoping you are well. Ginger

As of right now, I'm in. I did want to point out that they only serve a brunch menu on Saturdays until 1:00 and they don't serve the regular menu until 1:30. I don't know if that will make a difference but just wanted to make sure you knew that. Ginger

Sikeuritgadeun- Yes, that should be the right site. It is a little more complicated process than previously to search for other Widda members candles, but it is nice to share a common bond with others while remembering our loved ones. Remember the key is to make sure you use the word Widda at the end of your dedication to be able to search for our group's candles. Ginger

Hi everyone, Just wanted to post this during the holiday, in case anyone is interested in lighting a virtual candle for your loved one with your own special thoughts. This site was mentioned on the old board and many used it all year round. The site is: gratefulness.org/light a candle Then click on begin or light a candle. If you put the word Widda at the end of your dedication, you can then do a search under Widda to see fellow members who have lit a candle after you have lit your candle. To go back to the group's candles after reading dedications, hit your " back" button not the exit button. Sorry if this is confusing but if you go to the site you can get more info. If you go to the site and search Widda you should see the two candles I have lit. Just remember to put the word Widda at the end of your dedication. Wishing you all a safe and mindful holiday season, Ginger

(((((D))))) As only you can do, you found such meaningful words. Thinking of you today, as we share an anniversary date that we never wanted to have so soon in our lives. Take care of yourself, Ginger

(((((SoVerySad))))) I saw your post today and thought 'Wow, We share a wedding anniversary! " Hard to believe it was 30 years ago. It has been more than 12 years since I last got to see my DH. So we only got to share 17 anniversaries together. I still miss him and am sure I always will, but was glad that we were able to share our lives for even that short period of time. I hope the happy memories of your life together helped you through the day. Ginger

((((Jess)))) Many hugs go out to you today. I'm glad you were able to see the humor on your MIL's lack of proofreading. It is obvious that she cared deeply for your husband and for you and what you brought to his life. You made him happy and that is always nice to hear, no matter how many typos there are in her message and how bittersweet it feels. Ginger

I am just bumping this up because a new member questioned what a bago was. Thought it might be nice to bring the history and concept of how the idea of the bago came about so newbies can understand why they are special to many of us. Ginger

Jess, I?m happy to see that you have had such a positive and helpful grief counseling experience. I found it to be very helpful for me also when I became widowed twelve years ago. Having the right fit with a good counselor/therapist is so important. And getting some understanding of our grief and how it affects us can become a daunting task. I?m so happy that you are able to move forward away from grief counseling after a year. You have such a positive and realistic view of your grief. And you sharing your thoughts are so helpful to many here. I?m not trying to hijack you post in any way, I just wanted to let others reading here know that if they aren?t able to end counseling/therapy at the one year point, it is in no way a reflection on their ability to move forward. In many cases the second year can be very daunting in the grieving process and it is fine if you need the added support or interaction with a therapist during that time or even longer. Many people may have addressed the initial grief, but it can be just as difficult to get through the realization of what life now means without your spouse or SO and that transition can be very difficult for many and may take a significant amount of time. Grieving affects many aspects of our lives as we all know, and counseling/therapy may be a positive tool to help some to figure out how to navigate life and our emotions after our initial overwhelming grief is over. I?m not suggesting that everyone needs or will benefit from counseling/therapy. We all know that isn?t the case. My post here is to try and reassure that there are no right or wrongs when it comes to grieving and that counseling/therapy is a very personal thing and there is no specific time frame that we all need to fit into. Ginger

((((Jess)))) Unfortunately grief is a roller coaster ride no one is ready for and can't wait to get off. Crying and a lack of motivation seem to be part of the healing process that we must go through. Hoping time will help lessen the sharpness of the twists and turns and your optimistic DNA will help get you through. Ginger

I just wanted to thank all of you that responded to my post and for the virtual hugs that are always welcome. Some of you I've gotten to know personally along this journey and some I haven't had the pleasure to meet in person. It is always nice to know that people still care and that I can still come here to mark Jim's passing and to acknowledge the life we shared together and that it will never be forgotten. My thanks and gratitude and hugs back to all of you. Ginger

Well another sadiversary is here. As always, it is hard to believe that it has been twelve year since Jim?s passing. In some ways it seems like forever since the last time I saw him, even if the last ten months of our lives together were filled with doctor appointments and many trips in and out of hospitals. At other times it seems like only yesterday that we were talking and hoping that he would be able to get a transplant and we could return to a more normal, happy life. Unfortunately that was not meant to be. With that said, out of necessity, I have adjusted to a new ?normal? quite a while ago. I haven?t found another person to share my life with and at times it can still be lonely without a partner, but life can still be good in many ways. It isn?t always easy by any means, but it is ok most of the time. I think it is key to figure out who I am and how to live life alone and still be happy. I?m still working on that, but I have survived many years now not recoupled and, believe it or not, I?m still hopeful that there will be a chance that I will still find someone to share my life with. And if that doesn?t happen, well, I will deal with that too. I am not normally an optimistic person but leaving myself open to new possibilities is key. Hope has to be part of my vocabulary, although my pessimism does still creep in from time to time. There, of course, are still challenges to living life alone, but living in the past without trying to move forward, to me, would not be respectful to Jim and my life together. Of course that is just how I think about things that have happened and how I have chosen to deal with my life. As in years past on the sadiversary, I came here to post. I promised myself, since the beginning, that Jim would not be forgotten. (not that I could ever forget) As time go by, there are less people in my life that talk about him anymore to keep the memories alive. I know that this board is one place that I can still come to where people will understand my need to do this. And hopefully acknowledge this post and Jim?s life. So?. Jim, you will always hold a special place in my heart and mind. I will always love you and remember our life together. I miss you. Remembering with love, YHB, Ginger

I understand this too. As time goes on we adjust to widowhood and a new way of life, but there are times and situations in our lives that still can bring us back to the sadness and shakiness that we felt when we realized that person that knew us, loved us, and was there for us unconditionally was gone. (Yes, true even almost twelve years out.) I have no magic words except to offer you hugs and my support if you need it. Ginger

I'm hoping to make it to the winery on Sunday. So count me in as an almost sure. ;D

Posted by former YWBB member lilacbreeze: "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"Book Quote: "Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. you can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it." Posted by a former WYBB member: An Eskimo Legend "Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."

Two more book recommendations from the old board. LauraS: Anyone longing for a sign from your spouse? You may be missing them because you don't know what to look for. "Love Beyond Life: the Healing Power of After-Death Communications" (Joel Martin and Patricia Romanowski). Teal: "Life Without Lisa" by Richard Ballo. He was widowed in 1993 - Lisa was 38, he was 39, and their two sons were 5 & 6. The bulk of the book covers the first two years after her death, with the last three chapters giving his perspective at 3, 4 & 5 years out and the epilogue written 10 years out. I'd recommend it to both men & women - and while parts of it will resonate more if you have children, I think you'll appreciate the book even if you don't have children. I imagine all of us could find something in it that makes us stop & say "Oh yes - I know that feeling." It is heartfelt and heartbreaking, filled with the details and realities we have to confront - but ultimately a story of hope and healing