Prettylady6464

I could've written most of this about myself! (((HUGS)))

Hey there, cmf! I pray life is treating you well. It's crunches from the former YWBB! We're close to same timeframe! Similarly to you, just thinking about this incredible loss still stops me in my tracks! I'm grateful to God I was able to begin to rebuild, but it required a totally different path of living than what I was on with my husband! And yet, I still cry for him in disbelief of his absence. I think I will always shed a tear over his absence in my life. HUGS! To you, just wanted to drop a line to say hello and I've missed you!

Hello everyone. Some of you may remember me, some may not. I am 'crunches' of the former YWBB. I have been reading though I've not posted. I recognize all of you who came onto the boards around the same time I did. January 20, 2016 will be five years and four months for me. I have had a relatively good life, considering the love of my life is dead. I have moved, rented out my home, and by the grace of God carved out somewhat of a new life for myself. I am dating... Have been for the past couple of years. We were friends for a year before we tried to date. Something weird happened. The man I'm dating proposed to me, three times. I wasn't ready, but the last proposal sent me into active grief again. That was back in late July, 2015. The past three months or so I have woken up every morning, with tears for my late husband. I have so much associated pain that I curl up into the fetal position. I sleep in such a tight ball that my elbow joints hurt to the point where I must use the strength of both hands to lift my water picher to pour myself a glass of water. This morning I dreamt of my husband. We were sitting on my current bed talking, sitting upright with our backs leaning against my headboard...our bodies under the covers from our waists down. I forget the conversation but it felt, and still feels, like my husband actually was in bed with and talking to me. He looked the same... A seemingly healthy US Marine with those same huge biceps and broad shoulders. Same face. Same voice. After being startled awake by the dream, I texted the man I've been dating for two years and dumped him, without justification! I know that man loves me! I don't know why I dumped that man. I've been screaming and bawling my eyes out since I dumped him, but I can't ask him back because I'm an emotional mess, and have been for months! Otherwise, I have a good life --how weird is that? ...and now I'm about to start screaming and crying all over again! Anyone else going through raw grief this far out? I feel like I'm back in the first few months of my widow journey! Thanks and love to you all!