still_lost

After six years, I just realized this today. My husband really did change the course of my life. On good days, I feel grateful to have met him, on days like today when the bills are piling up, and I'm beyond exhausted with no help, I almost wish we didn't meet. I know it sounds horrible, but that is how I feel today. Why get married and have a child with a man, for him to die and leave you to handle everything? I am now in a horrible financial situation, but I am trying my very best. I go to a job that I don't have any real passion for because I have to. I regret my career choice, and wish that I had a work from home position. Why are they so hard to find? I don't want to have to interact with people all that much. I'm just doing my best for the next 10 years until my child is an adult. What happens after that, I'm not sure. Life cannot be this hard all of the time. When do I get a break????

I have an almost zero tolerance for BS and the stupid things that people do. I've found that I view things differently now, and things that I once thought were problems, really weren't in comparison to much bigger things. I'm not easily rattled like I once was. I have the normal stresses that we have after losing a spouse, but the things that once scared me, no longer have as much power over me. I'm amazed that friends and family members behave like the world is ending over the dumbest things. I can't help but get annoyed with a cousin who continues to stay in a relationship with a man that she hates. She calls every so often to tell me about their newest drama, and how the cops were called., etc., etc., only for the two of them to be hugged up in pics on FB. I have stopped listening to the drama and rants that's she calls me with on a regular. I just can't be bothered. I was always the shoulder for everyone else to cry on, but once my world was turned upside down, not a soul was really there for me. I've changed, and I've decided that I only have to care for myself and my child. I shouldn't be surprised, but even after all this time it amazes me how thoughtless and self-centered people can really be.

Doesn't it feel like it will always be a struggle? I know people always say things will get better, but damn it's been six years! Don't you wonder how you will manage? I know I do. Lots of student loan debt, car payment, insurance, utilities, food etc....how the hell does one person manage when it takes two incomes?? Ugh, I'm beyond tired. Thank you for the response. Exactly what I needed this evening. I knew I couldn't be the only one who felt the way that I do.

I can honestly say that I never had any real anger toward my husband after he passed. I think I remained in the numb stage a lot longer than most. I just realized the other day that I resent my husband for all of the things that he left me to take care of. I got married for love obviously, but to also have someone to be by my side and to help me raise our child. I guess it's true that grief has no timetable or order of stages. I was once able to look at his pictures and feel all of his love. Now I just feel the heartache, and see the mounting debt, and all I can do is feel cheated and angry.

It has been hard for me the last six years without my husband. Financially, it seems that I'm treading water and not really getting ahead. I don't know how I will manage to raise a child on my own for the next 10 years until adulthood. I'm so drained and tired of doing everything on my own. I can't be the only one who feels like this is as good as it will ever get. I'm raising my son alone, and I will be the best mother that I can be. What happens when he's an adult and out on his own? I'm just trying to get through the next 10 years of his life....

I guess I'm still waiting for my heart to tell me what my head already knows. I'm not convinced that I will find love again. I knew when DH was alive that he was perfect for me. He was kind, considerate, loving, affectionate and a whole lot of other things. They don't make men like that anymore. I've come across some very selfish, childish, and inconsiderate men in the past six years. I've had one long term relationship, then some dates here and there, but no one has been right for me. I took down my profile from a couple of dating sites, since that was a disaster in itself. I'm just facing the reality that very rarely do you find true love twice in one lifetime. Kudos to those who have found happiness in new relationships and marriages, but for some of us, it will never be again.

It's been six years for me since losing DH, and it seems like things aren't getting any easier. I've posted before about not being motivated like I was before. I work in the social work field, and I had to step down from a management position a few months after DH passed. I used to enjoy my work, but it seems like it's becoming more of a struggle to do it everyday. I will keep my job since I have a child to support, but I'm having a really hard time. I'm finding myself withdrawing from people a lot more than I ever did. I can't stand to be around married couples, I still haven't adjusted to the "single" life after all this time, and I'm just not up for social things anymore. I spend a lot of time with my son because he needs me, but I don't know how I can go on like this. I feel like the years of college were wasted, as I don't care much for what I'm doing anymore. I envy those who are able to work from home, and do not have to interact much with people. I would love a job like that. Sorry for rambling, I'm just in a difficult place right now.

I have lost a few friends over the years, and I can honestly say that I am much better off. I was never a person who had lots of friends, but I had a few that I could count on. After my husband died, it was almost like people thought I was contagious. All of a sudden, dates got cancelled, phone calls went unreturned etc.. After a while, I left people alone since I'm not in the habit of chasing people or begging anyone to be my friend. It is lonely sometimes not having anyone to talk to, but I would rather have people around me who are sincere. I've found that I have an almost zero tolerance for BS and lies. I know that I have changed in the past six years, and I've had to leave some people behind. My husband was my best friend, and the only person that I could confide in and feel comfortable about it. I've accepted that I might not get to be that close with another person.

I was never close to my in-laws when my husband was alive, and things are still somewhat awkward now that he is gone. There were a few years where I didn't have any contact with them due to ongoing issues that we were having, so for my own sanity and mental health, I had to keep my distance. Now that we have gotten back in contact with each other, I'm finding that not much has really changed with them. His parents are still the selfish people that they always were, and his siblings are exactly the same. I visit occasionally with my son since I want him to know my husband's family, and he has cousins close in age. I am usually spot on when it comes to people, and I was right about that family from the beginning. All I heard about was their new this, or new that, and this vacation or that one, what new things they were planning to buy, the gossip going around in their church, their rude neighbors, blah, blah, blah, not ONCE did anyone ask how I was doing or managing things after six years of being without my husband. My eyes have been completely opened this time, and I honestly do not want to open myself up to these people, I never did. I wonder how a man so sweet, loving, and unmaterialistic like my husband could have come from that family. I will do my part to bring my son for a visit, but I will not go any further than that. I've seen all that I need to see. I don't have the patience for superficial people, or those who are so self-absorbed that they can't take a moment to show concern for someone else. Has anyone else experienced this?

That I wasn't such a coward to end it all, that's how I'm feeling at this point in my life. I'm beyond tired of hearing that it will get better because it doesn't. Not even a little bit in almost seven years, and I can't hold it together much longer...I die a little more each day, so what happens when there's nothing left?

I have to wake up everyday and tell myself not to think or feel because I'm already dead inside. Sad, I know but it's the only way that I can focus on whatever I'm doing. If I take my feelings and thoughts out of it, I can function okay throughout the day. All of this is just hopeless. I don't know what will happen once my son is out of the house and off on his own. I won't have any purpose then.

How is it that I have endured the past six years of hell, but I'm not able to get up each day and just focus on what's in front of me? I guess that takes discipline, huh? I don't want to feel or think about anything. I will always be a mother, and do the best for my child. I'm trying so hard to make a good life for him because I had a horrible childhood and I don't want that for him. I would okay if I could just focus on him and how I am going to support and provide for us, without being distracted by other things. I've given up on everything else honestly. At this point, I'm trying to only think about how to make it through the next 10 years of his life, when he will be an adult. How can I???

I'm trying my best not to give up, but it seems to get harder as time goes on and nothing changes.

I'm having a very difficult time finding the joy that I felt when my husband was alive. I'm not excited about things anymore, and I don't have a lot of things to look forward to. I love my child, and do my very best to be a good mom, but other than my day to day responsibilities, I have given up on everything else. I'm just tired. I've accepted that my husband is gone and never coming back, and my life has forever been changed. How do you get up everyday when you feel like you have no hope?

Thank you both for your responses. I drive myself crazy sometimes because no one else knows and understands what I'm going through. At six years, they feel like I should be over it and at a different place in my life, but they have not lived through this hell. It's good to be able to come here and feel validated. Thank you.

My husband passed away six years ago, but I still have a few pictures of him hanging in my son's room. Some days when I go in there, I can see my husband's face and smile at all of the memories we had over ten years. Other days, like yesterday, I walked into my son's room, saw his picture in the frame, and felt so overwhelmed. I could not stop the tears from flowing. It's strange to me that this still happens after so much time has passed.

I've been widowed for six years now, and I swear it hasn't gotten any easier. I was in a relationship for over two years, which didn't work out. After several months, I tried dating another guy who I thought had potential. I soon found out that we were not a match as he was not a communicator, never returned phone calls, and just seemed preoccupied with whatever he was doing. I decided not to continue seeing him although we were never in an official relationship. I'm not all that disappointed, to be honest. Ending the first relationship that I was on after being alone for so long, really hurt and upset me but I did my best to move on. Now I've realized that I'm not cut out for this dating thing. I never wanted to date a bunch of guys to figure out who was right for me. I was content being with one man who made me happy. I realize that you have to date in order to get to the relationship part, and at this point, it's not something that I want to do. Yesterday I decided to delete my online dating profile, and just focus on myself and my son. I've let go of this idea that I would ever find a man with all of the qualities that my husband possessed because he doesn't exist. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I'm not looking for anyone else. I almost feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, as it is one less thing that I have to worry about.

Offended. I had a few guys message me with things like that, and after a few short emails, I knew exactly what they were after.

I agree. I had to let my inlaws go a year after my husband died. I didn't care so much that they didn't reach out to support me, but I had to draw the line when they took no interest in my son. I did all that I could to keep my son close to them--calling, sending his drawings and art through the mail, flying out of state to their house, etc...I was the one making all of the effort. I did so to honor and respect my husband, but I couldn't force his family to be involved with their grandchild. I let them go, and the both of us are much better off. Kudos to you!

The hardest part is not being able to give him what he wants. We were going to wait until he was two or three to have another child, but obviously things didn't go as planned. We do lots of things together, and like you and your son, we are living our lives as best we can. I agree with you about your relationship not filling the void for him. I was in the same boat with a boyfriend who lived a little bit of a distance away, so my son didn't have him around on a regular basis. That ended months ago, and I'm not sure that I want to be involved with anyone else. It may be the two of us for a very long while, and I'm trying to make the best of it. I'm sorry that any of us has to go through this hell.

DS was not yet 2 years old when my husband died over six years ago. He doesn't remember a whole lot about his dad, just memories that I've shared with him over the years. It makes me feel good to hear him laugh about the funny things that my husband used to do. Being an only child, he asks a lot about having a brother or sister. I haven't dated much, but I ended a 2.5 year relationship that wasn't working for me. Since then I've met a couple of guys for a coffee, but they weren't a good fit for a variety of reasons. I'm really not cut out for the whole dating thing at all. I'm in my mid 30s, and I'm almost ready to hang it up. My heart breaks for my son who already lost his daddy, and I can't give him the family that he wants. With it being just the two of us for over six years, I know that he feels lonely too sometimes. I do all that I can with him, but some voids just can't be filled.

I lost my husband six years ago, and I waited almost 3.5 years before I started to date. I'm in my mid thirties. I met a man, we dated for a while, and then started a nice 2 year relationship. He was the first man to come along and make me feel like I could open up to another man, I could have love again, and I could see myself married with another child. I believed that we were on the right track, I really did. We talked about a future together, and from what I could tell, we both wanted the same things. After a while, I had to end the relationship when I discovered that we weren't on the same page. Long story short...I didn't want to wait around for him to move closer, decide if and where he was going to put down roots, and if we were actually going to start a life together. We were only about 100 miles away from each other, but after two years, I figured he had enough time to decide what he planned to do. I'm not talking pressure to get married or anything like that, but just taking our relationship to the next level. So losing that relationship felt like I lost another person that I was very close to. I'm not comparing the loss of the relationship to the loss of my husband because the two are very different, but it caused me heartache. I felt like I had a little bit of hope, but I wasn't willing to stay with someone who couldn't make up his mind. All of this is just too hard.

Hello everyone, This is my first time posting on this site. I've been a widow for over six years now. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack. I have a seven year old boy who I'm trying my best to raise alone, but it is so hard some days. I thought I'd have a better handle on things after six years, but it seems like things only get harder for me. I do the best that I can to keep a job, pay all the bills, love and support our child, but I'm so tired. I feel so empty most days. I don't have many people to talk to since none of them have ever gone through what I have. Most even think I should be "fine" by now, so I don't even bother discussing the pain that I'm still in. Everything seems hopeless for me. I will continue to be a good mother, but I honestly believe that my life is over. Thanks for reading.