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squidley1992

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Everything posted by squidley1992

  1. I just wanted to say that I'm happy I'm not the only one who feels the same way. I lost the love of my life about 3 weeks ago and I get tired of all the people saying the same stuff like that to me. It's not amazing. I am not strong. None of that, period. It's because I love him and like what you said, that's what you do when you love someone. Because in reality when people say that to me, I'm not strong to begin with, they can't even tell I've totally fallen apart. It is beautiful and ugly.....definitely not rainbows and unicorns. Glad I'm not the only one who has thought that.
  2. I know this is from well over a year ago but I figured that I would give my input. Camron, the person I loved the most who passed away a few weeks ago, he had a problem with heroin. and It was definitely a disease. The past 2 months we were arguing and he wasn't at my house because of the heroin and it can't be around our daughter. I have a lot of guilt because although I talked to him right before he passed away, I didn't see him face to face. he got clean multiple times and he was the most amazing person when he was clean, but his mom would use it to talk to him and it always worked because he could not control it when it was being brought around him. & he didn't even like doing it which was the ironic thing.....I don't know I realized with him that it is definitely a disease. I just wish I could have seen him one last time.
  3. I don't know what to do. I am 23 years old and the love of my life and father to our 4 year old daughter, got hit by a truck and passed away on February 26th 2016. My daughter at first when we told her that "Daddy went up to heaven to take care of Tinsel (her cat that passed away)" she didn't really react. She didn't understand. But the other day one of her friends was talking about her Dad and said "What's your Daddy's name?" and my daughter kind of was trying to distract herself and said "My Daddy......I love him." and started crying. I don't know what to do. I lost my dad when I was 11 so I was able to comprehend it better. She likes to go and light the candles we have set out where he got hit, but we always run into people out there that want to hug her because she's Camron's daughter. I just need advice, this is so hard in so many ways.
  4. Thank you, all 3 of you. I'm really glad she told me about this website also. I really like going through and reading some of the stuff. I can't express how thankful I am for you guys welcoming me.
  5. So i had a friend I met on a grief group on facebook tell me to join this group and I want to give it a shot. My name is Sydney and I'm 23 years old and I have a 4 year old daughter named Kaycee. I've gone through a lot of loss, i was adopted by my grandparents an I had my grandpa pass away in 2004 and my grandma in 2014. I also had a brother commit suicide in 2010. not to mention friends pass away....so I've dealt with loss a lot. But this is hitting me very deep. On February 24th 2016 I got off work and came home, I had an awful feeling all day. Well at 10:20pm Camron (the love of my life and daughter's father) his grandma called me. Camron was hit by a truck and went into a coma instantly. his heart stopped in the ambulance but they brought him back. Even if he would have made it, he had no brain activity and I didn't think it'd be fair to leave him like that. The thing is we weren't married, but one day we were going to be married. We just assumed with him being 22 and me being 23 we would have more time. The past month or so we had issues because his mom wasn't helping him get clean, i would have him in a good spot and she would just ruin it, to make him closer to her. The last message me sent me he told me if something happened to him he wanted me to know that he was sorry and that he loved me and kaycee more than anything. And the day before he called me and we were going to spend the night together just the 3 of us, and obviously now that isn't going to happen. He had officially passed away on the 26th. Today, well technically yesterday, he was finally cremated because it was one thing after the next. I was having nightmares every night because I wanted his body to be at rest. On thursday or friday I can pick up the ashes, his mom refused to let me or his daughter have any, his dad on the other hand was nice about it. My daughter has a keepsake box engraved and I got a necklace that looks like a key and it says "you hold the key to my heart." his ceremony isnt until april 9th. Its really being dragged out. A few months ago, I had just let the guilt go from moving on and living from losing my grandma, and now I'm back to where I was but worse. We had our issues but I loved him so much and things would have been different if we were given different circumstances when we were younger. He was and always will the the love of my life, and its going to be such a long life without him. & our daughter is starting to understand that he isn't coming back, I told her that hes in heaven taking care of her cat that passed away with my grandparents and her uncle. I'm feeling so upset because now all of her friends want to bring up her dad. One of her friends said "Kaycee, your Daddy is dead." and her parents told her to be quiet but my daughter still heard it, like what are you saying in front of your kid knowing she sees kaycee all the time? That was just mean and it made me so angry. Like I know this is the beginning of a long journey for my daughter and I and i am just not prepared. Initially my family, like my mom at first didn't count my feelings at all. I went to the hospital both nights he was still breathing, to say what I wanted and to hold his hand. Finally after my mom said "I just figured out that even if you didnt have kaycee you would be sad about this." Um yeah, duh. I haven't had a bunch of boyfriends, he's the only one I ever had a real relationship with, and he brought out a side of me I know will never come out again. It died with him. I'm feeling so empty right now. I just want him to come and say stop telling people i died and give me a hug. even one of his annoying hugs where I couldn't breathe. id give anything for anything back. and i am trying to block it out of my head. act like hes still alive and just ignoring me. i find myself texting him over and over again. but like the first time i went to work i started bawling my eyes out. i literally cannot handle it right now. some people cussed me out saying i have to move on i cant change it and it just wow, made me so angry. his mom has also made things more stressful, she didnt tell the mortuary he had a daughter. shes also upset i am helping with the ceremony and that we are getting any ashes. she tried to take them all but his Dad said that we could have some of his half. She called me to tell me that I'm selfish and she's done everything possible to make me feel like crap. I've lost people but this hurts so much more because apart of me is gone. & I know that I have our daughter, a piece of him but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still super hurt. In so many ways. Anyways, I've probably written enough. Thank you for reading, I hope this website can help me out.
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