Bluebird

Such a sweet poem ATJ...I'm wondering if this was ever a song?

Take care, Bluebird

I get it. Our local bank is shutting down and we were asked to empty our safe deposit box. I had stored some of my DH's valuables there, including his wallet.

As we were emptying the box, I saw his wallet, a wallet he LOVED that we bought together on a visit to NYC, and I see him in my minds eye...placing it in his jacket. It makes my stomach flip.

Hugs to you,

Take care, Bluebird

Your mind and heart are telling you that this is a trigger you just can't handle right now. I think you're wise for listening to your thoughts and feelings.

Take care, Bluebird

Wow! You have an amazing spirit and positive attitude! I'm so glad you're ok and sorry I'm just seeing this.

Take care, Bluebird

I think of myself as DH's wife, WifeLess's wife AND a widow!

I guess I didn't need to stop thinking of myself as one, to think of myself as the other?

It does get a little confusing in conversations though :-)

Take care, Bluebird

For those trying to discern between charities with a serious commitment to their mission and who manage donations responsibly versus those who do not, the following website may be helpful:

https://www.charitywatch.org/charitywatch-criteria-methodology

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of a dear friend to so many.

I get it. I don't feel anger, but every now and then I find myself reflecting on what it took to get through some of the terrible things that happened when my DH was alive, and also what it took to get through the early months and years of his loss. I hope that posting here and knowing that your feelings are understood and heard helps.

Take care, Bluebird

Sugarbell,

I'm so sorry. I struggle with the gun laws and availability in general, but seeing them so readily available for spur of the moment purchases must be almost impossible for you to deal with.

Hugs to you,

Bluebird

This thread has gone a little quiet so I thought I'd add to it.

Last week I completed my first week of Wendler Lifting and I'm making good progress this week too.

I'm surprised by how much weight I can lift in the 4 core lifts. Still light by comparison to the universe of people who lift, but still heavy enough that I am surprised.

Going to the gym has brought my people watching to new heights too. Two young men were deadlifting more weight than I thought was humanly possible (>450lbs). One succeeded and the other failed at the weight. Seeing the smiles, fist pumps back slaps, followed by the quiet encouragement was awesome. When I inquired about the amount of weight on the bar, and then followed up with letting them know my max was less than a quarter of that, they offered me words of encouragement and advice on how to stay safe and uninjured. They were really nice people.

So far, the experience at the gym has been good.

Take care, Bluebird

Hi OSAAT,

I'm sorry you are feeling your grief again hon. The loss of your dog and the decision to move to a new place are both enormous, memory triggering events.

When I sold the home I shared with Stephen it was tough...going through each room, touching things we owned together, thinking about things that happened, discovering forgotten items that triggered a memory - sometimes happy, sometimes sad. There were days I just sat in the floor in a room and cried....most often that occurred in our shared office. Grief was triggered all over again, and perhaps even more intensely when I sold a home that Stephen had renovated in the years before his death. He had literally sunk blood, sweat and tears into the renovation and simply walking in the door brought a visceral reaction that I was not prepared for.

I guess this is "normal", or we are both done for! I wish you peace and joy as you begin your new role in your chosen profession (Yay!) and settle in your new home.

Big hugs, Bluebird

Hi Mike,

I'm sorry we didn't get to see you in person last Sunday so you could at least feel warm widowed hugs from the NJ/PA crew.

I think you are right, there is no getting over it. There is only moving forward in life with their loss as a part of each us. .

Hugs to you, Bluebird

Thanks everyone for gathering to honor Izabella and thanks WifeLess for coordinating us!

I must say that when we raised our glasses in her memory, tears came to my eyes. Those glasses being raised were like exclamation points on her absence. She was an amazing woman who in her hardest times persisted in thinking outside of herself and participated in life and love as best she could. Despite her own suffering, as consuming as it was in every sense of the word, she was a friend.

I miss her deeply.

Take care all,

Bluebird

(((((ManutesGirl)))))),

There's no doubt. It sucks. I'm sure you will ride the grief wave, but please, go out tomorrow...buy beautiful flowers, the ingredients of a lovely (but simple) meal and cake (even just a great cupcake). Celebrate yourself hon...you are worth it!

Take care, Bluebird

Hi ATJ,

After loss of our love and loss of who we knew as self, the collateral losses of other relationships are so hard to take.

As I look back on my life I think the saying that people enter our lives for "a reason, a season or a lifetime" holds true - but telling the difference is almost impossible until it becomes clear after the fact!

I'm not sure I think serenity comes from forgiveness, although I'm sure it can't hurt. For me at least serenity comes from acceptance of my powerlessness and the way of the world....and it still eludes me most of the time.

Thanks again for a thought provoking post ATJ

Take care, Bluebird

Started a Wendler lifting cycle this morning...added a HIIT at the end.  Enjoyed it...so far so good.

My DH and I had discussed what might occur for me romantically if and when he died. He said:

"Some guy is going to come along and sweep you off your feet. I'm certain of that!"

And he was absolutely right!

I did not feel guilty about falling in love again, I felt blessed, because I had convinced myself that "great love" was a once in a lifetime thing. I'm very glad I was wrong!

Thanks for a wonderful topic!

Bluebird

Good workout weekend.  Ran 13 miles yesterday in heat that I am not used to.  Wanted to stop and walk the last 3 miles but was able to regain my focus and finish relatively strong.  The mental aspect of training is in many ways more important than the physical and is something I've struggled with in races so this was a great win for me.

 

And another one was I had my second road ride on my bike and did well.  20 miles with a three-peat of a .5 mile hill with almost 180 feet of elevation gain.  I did well on the hill and by the end of the ride my speed was starting to be respectable.  Still need to get some courage to go fast on the downhills.  I did have an almost wipeout when I unclipped on one side and forgot my other foot was still clipped in.  I did save myself from falling but have a huge bruise where the handlebar hit my thigh...

 

And on another note and even more important - congrats to Bluebird on finishing her first half marathon in style!  You rocked it!!!!

Oh my goodness...beast mode with a bruise! Take care! Congrats on not stopping for the last 3 miles of your 13...YES, it's a total mind game. 180 FT!!!!! I can't imagine it! And thank you for your kind words about my half...thrilled it all came together on the day!

Good grief! REALLY?

I think it's a sign of a lecturer that cares more about getting a particular teaching point across than listening to the answer of the participant.

Ugh!

I wanted to share this here, it's a summary of my half marathon training and the race is next weekend. It's a little data heavy, but I'm super proud of some of my accomplishments - it's my first ever half marathon.

http://fithealthyharmony.blogspot.com/2015/04/novice-half-marathoner-runs-235-miles.html

Love reading everyone's posts!

 

Well, since I am drinking some wine tonight my workouts tomorrow might be a bit slower than normal.  Biggest thing is I have my first triathlon in 3 weeks and I haven't been out on the road on my bike.  I will admit I am scared.  So the big thing this weekend is to force myself to go out both Saturday and Sunday.  Wish me luck...the thought of being clipped in is scary!

Good luck! Happy cycling and no getting clipped!

Ah, fitbit.  You detail oriented little gadget you.

 

Step count - 11:59:59 = 9900

Step count - 00:02:43 =  162

 

I don't know if I should do a victory dance or cry - but I almost made it  8)

It's a victory dance in my book!

It's a real testament to you that you have been asked. Maybe after participating you'll have a stronger sense one way or another?

I LOVE the word "taper"...that's what I'm doing right now.

However I'm using this relatively quite time for exercising to think about changing up my strength program. Thinking about Wendler 531 or Strong Curves. Anyone have any experience with these?

My goal is rebuild some muscle I lost with all my cardio.

IfIonlycould,

I'm so sorry you are in the middle of bad things happening that you know wouldn't be happening if your partner were still alive and by your side.

I AM NOT LYING...things will improve.

I think we all feel a certain amount of dismay when bad events/circumstances continue to affect our lives after the worst imaginable thing has already happened. So good things will come and go, and so will bad things.

But what gets better with time is our ability to deal with them. You are already an experienced warrior...you already have skills and resilience you didn't have before...and with time, you will be able to use that experience to help you deal with what life throws your way. You are already learning to sail in high winds, just as your signature line says! Hang in there!

As an aside - I also really like your username, it reminds me of the Simon & Garfunkel song, "El Condor Pasa - I'd rather be a hammer than a nail".... "Yes I would....if I only could....I surely would"

Take care, Bluebird