Johannus

Hello all, I've been a registered member for a few weeks now, but didn't get the chance to really read or write yet. My wife died last year, summer. It's been almost a year now. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. Our son was about 9 months at the time. We've been through it all, but in the end she never really had a chance apparently. It's been almost 11 months since she passed away, and I'm been coping just on the rush ever since. I've got two lovely kids, the youngest at the age of 3 and my daughter is 6. Every few months I look back at what I've been doing, and where I am today,. and every time I am surprised. Seen a lot of friends disappear, and ran into the wall of misunderstanding. Experienced the 'Overwelming Silence' and found myself on the couch, feeling lonely. Loneliness.. I've found a therapist and she helped to understand myself quite a bit. Fear, Grief, Emotions, Crying, Insomnia. Everything. I need to find myself again. I've lost myself, and the caregiving for my wife had it's effect on my kids. From about 9 months till about 2,5 years of age, I wasn't able to take care of my son the way I would have wanted. And now, I'm lacking the energy to "make things right",. (as if that would be possible anyway). Slowly I'm accepting this new state of family. The three of us. That's it.

I've been asking myself this very question, especially in the first few months. Will I ever take it off, and if yes, when? I'm at 11 months now, and I'm still wearing it. Without I feel naked. And, I've had the same experience as described before: Not 'married', not divorced, nor single dad.. I did come across situations where my ring helped me... or others, to understand, or to notice something wasn't normal. And I was relieved actually, that I hadn't been put inside the 'divorced' group. Where divorced people have there own trouble, loosing your loved one to death just isn't the same. Now, at the moment, I'm experiencing something that could be described as some sort of new relationship. I've thought about what she would think about my ring.. but she's totally okay with it. She knows what I'm going through, and personally I'm not feeling ready for something new yet. But thoughts have come now,... and I think I can't ever take it off. If I ever was to re-marry again, I would be replacing the ring for a tattoo-ring ,. and I would wear the new ring over it.