fctyler

I feel personally that when you are dating, you have "yours" and "mine." When you are so committed to each other that you get married, then I think everything becomes "ours." That may not be a popular answer, especially when this is a second marriage, but I would definitely have a problem "paying rent" to my husband, like I'm a roommate. If you're married, then combine assets and enjoy that combined pot of money together. If you feel too uncomfortable combining all your assets, then just combine SS and not pension or vice versa. To me, sharing your life means sharing the fruits of your labor as well.

Here's a picture of my new husband and me. We got married June 2015. He's kind, wonderful, sensitive and funny. I feel very blessed!

I met someone the old fashioned way and found out a few months later he was separated but still legally married, even though he told me he was divorced. It made me realize that people aren't as honest as I see them. After that, and when I began to online date, I found a public site for Colorado residents that gives you information on legal issues of people residing in Colorado. It costs $5 per name but it gave me peace of mind when I put in a potential date's name and it came back with the accurate divorce information the person gave me. It also gives you information regarding DUI, burglary, etc., though I wasn't really worried as much about that since I suppose no one would volunteer that information before meeting. I do agree with Serpico, however. If you haven't been 100% truthful, You really can't expect your prospective date to be honest either. I was always honest because I wanted my date to be upfront as well. I didn't give out information that would identify where I lived or my full name, but I didn't out give false information either. Just be aware that online prospects could be giving you false information, but you are as well, so if you happen to find a site that will background check someone, if it comes up empty, it may be because he gave you a different name. (Not because he's married or a player)

Sounds wonderful! Have a great time and let us know if you're still speaking in 2 weeks! : (Just Kidding.....It will be awesome!)

Second marriages are very difficult because of the baggage involved. Anyone who has lived on the planet for any length of time and has lived life, has baggage. Bring in a new relationship, new children, and new experiences, and it's enough to make anyone find the single life wonderful and soothing! But, most people tend to desire a loving relationship with another human. Those Sunday cuddles, as another poster mentioned. Talking about your day over a glass of wine on the deck. Knowing there is someone out there who loves you above all else. It's a heady feeling and that's why marriage doesn't always die the first time around. I just remarried in June and I had my doubts. I didn't doubt my love for my new husband, and I didn't doubt his love for me, but I was very fearful that my kids would think I had forgotten their father (even though we talk about him daily), I was afraid my new husband and I wouldn't gel with living together. (Toothpaste cap on or off? make the bed or jump into a crumpled mess at night? bring his ratty old "favorite" chair to my house or drop it at the landfill "by mistake?") My heart raced, wondering if it was worth all the ups and downs of getting to know someone as a spouse once again. But, every time I asked that question, and I saw my fiance smile, or I saw my son animatedly talking to my fiance over dinner, I knew, without a doubt, that we were making the right decision, based on love and commitment. I know that it will not be perfect all the time, but whenever we've had to deal with an issue, we've put our respect for each other first and talked things out with good communication. I feel that your fear is real and your gut should be listened to, but I don't think it has to be an "all-or-nothing" decision. It seems imperative that you slow down and stay engaged for a lot longer. Get to know her even better and reassure your kids that because you are getting remarried, it doesn't mean you won't be around for them. Have a night you spend just with them. Seriously, and I really mean this.......get some counseling together. Figure out how best to communicate with each other and how best to deal with each other's baggage. Give yourself time to let this relationship grow. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being engaged for as long as you need, and if you feel the relationship needs to end at a later date, then your fiance may be very hurt initially, but it will be much worse if you're both miserable after you say "I do"

That is such great news. I know many of us feel that a trip to the doctor or hospital always ends in tragedy. I'm so glad to hear things went so well; your wife sounds like she has a great sense of humor!

I love what Portside wrote; he always has sound advice. I'm with you that it's scary getting out there once again, scarier still to fall for someone who may not be the picture of health. I was in a grief group for a couple of years after my husband passed away and I noticed that all the women whose husbands died of cancer were terrified of getting cancer themselves. One women even refused to go for her yearly mammograms because she didn't want to hear the word "cancer" again. The women whose husbands passed from other events, (marathon, car accident, suicide) couldn't figure out why these women were so scared to go to the doctor. It just didn't make sense to them. We fear the possibility of repeating what we've already been through so we go to great lengths to avoid that possible situation again. While putting great efforts into the avoidance of pain, we may inadvertently experience that pain at a later time. (healthy people die in accidents everyday.) I guess my point is, we can try to orchestrate the perfect lasting relationship but in the end, we don't have as much control as we'd like.

Thanks, Too Soon. That's what I love about this forum; people get how you're feeling even if it confusing or unsettling. And you're right, I'd never wish this disease upon on anyone, so any step forward is a very good thing.

I can't watch the 60 minutes special because it brings back too much pain since my husband passed away from GBM. All I can think of after reading this post is, "Why, oh why couldn't they have been thinking this way 4 years ago?" I feel so guilty for being upset and angry today. I should be happy that they are moving forward in finding a viable treatment for this horrible and extremely fatal disease, but I can't help feeling sorry for myself and my husband that it came 4 years too late. I can't believe I just admitted being immature and selfish, but man, I am really having a pity party for myself. :-[

You've done a great job with your girls, Rob. It's not easy doing it alone, but you gotta do what ya gotta do! Michelle would be proud!!

I think that if your Chapter Two is being proactive and trying counseling and/or medication, the it shows she is attempting to make these bouts with depression less of an issue. If she sees nothing wrong with them or doesn't see a change in her own behavior, then I'm afraid you may be setting yourself up for some unsettling and lonely times. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells for a few days every month or so. I hope things work out; I'm rooting for you!

That sounds like a great day. Don't you love it when the days you remember most aren't always the planned "special" ones? Sometimes the best days are just ones where everyone gets along, you get to hang out with those you love, and there isn't any drama. Glad you had fun!

Mel, It sounds like you really enjoy this new man and feel confident that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. You've talked about his good qualities which seem numerous....that's awesome. If you feel this in love and want to marry this man, I am concerned with your comment, "Honestly, I've been afraid to ask if they've had sex since the divorce, but I don't think so." The concern doesn't even center around the fact that they might have had sex. They are consenting adults who have a history, and if they did have sex, it might have been before you met. The concern stems from the fact that something is keeping you from asking because you don't want to hear the answer. You want to keep things in the positive which I fully understand. But, if you are truly ready to marry this man, you can't be fearful of asking questions and wanting honest answers. When fear creeps into the equation and you'd rather stay in the dark than know the truth, then it's probably better to step away from thoughts of marriage and life commitment and focus on getting to know him, enjoying him, and not fearing his answers when asking him an honest question. Taking the focus off marriage may be less pressuring so that you can just enjoy this wonderful new relationship.

I went to the article, ready to write a comment, and noticed that the idiots who have nothing better to do than to say nasty things to people, already commented that Alysha's "little friends" have come to her rescue. What horrible people there are in the world. I figured my comment would only fuel more fire so I didn't say anything. Brockton Dave, you know Alysha and what kind of person she is. And you know what it's like to have lost a love. You also know how finding a Chapter Two feels and how happy it makes you. Tell Alysha not to look at the comments anymore. There are just people out there who find joy in making other people hurt. Those people commenting are probably going home to empty homes and empty hearts. Alysha can't control what other people decide to comment on. The story was interesting, heartwarming, and full of hope. There are just people out there in the world who will never feel those things. Alysha needs to give her lovely new family a hug and kiss and be happy she isn't living the life many of the people leaving comments are. DON'T LOOK AT THE COMMENTS!!

Lost, I understand perfectly what you are saying. I always thought that I would never want to find love again because I had already had such a good marriage that nothing would ever be as good. I figured so wrong...... When my husband died and I thought about it, I knew I wasn't done loving. I realized that because I had had such a good example of kindness, gratitude, intimacy and friendship, I wanted it again. I do have twinges of guilt when I laugh and love with my New Guy, because once in a while I catch my breath and think, "How can I be so carefree and happy when my DH isn't here?" But then I realize, it's because of what DH gave me that I crave more of it. I guess it is his fault. I wouldn't be wanting love again if he hadn't been so awesome at it!!