Sandi1970

It's been far too long... We need a Widdabago! Which to me is a relaxing get together with fellow widow(er)s going through so many of the same situations we are, that "get" you. A very non-judging group where you can unwind and have some fun. Some of us been talking on FB & such, please join in if you wish. We are meeting at Quaker Steak & Lube at 5pm. for dinner(under chapter 2): http://thelube.com/locations/ohio/austintown/ We've gone here for a few years and they're totally awesome with us talking for a few hours or whatever. There's also a new casino right down the street that some of us are going to go check out: http://www.hollywoodmahoningvalley.com/ Hollywood Gaming at Mahoning Valley Race Course 655 N Canfield Niles Rd Youngstown, OH 44515 Some of us aren't exactly "local", so we are spending the night at: Country Inn & Suites Address: 5570 Interstate Blvd, Youngstown, OH 44515 Phone:(330) 544-0300 So far there's about 6-8 of us. Hope you can join in! Sandi

I had to run in and warm up! I awoke to snow in Denver today! WTH! I've been eating salads and such lately and that didn't even sound good today, so chicken pot pie it was and a warm mug of coffee! Perfect! Where's everyone been? I got to talk to some of my widda-loves today and this week. Ah... feel better now! Bago in a week & a half!

Rob, L is right, you put together Bago awesomeness! I don't remember seeing a poll for one this year. Now that I'm within driving distance, if be game. I've seen the dance ones on MU, this girls not dancing! lol

Isn't it absolutely amazing how great it feels in the company of wid friends?! Love it!

Wow! Looks like everyone's having a decent weekend! I am a dog lover too! We have 3 lovable beasts in our little pack. I was putting together these grow boxes in the garage tonight and filling them with dirt, etc... All three were out inspecting what I was up to. Gretchen, the youngest, dug her big head & nose into the dirt and got a nose full of potting soil, then it was scattered throughout! She better leave my plants alone!

Happy Birthday Maureen! Somehow I never saw those above me... Hmmm.... Must've been all the "purple rain". Someone you were with should have given you the 4 course dinner! My gf from back home spent most of the week with me and we ended up eating out a few times. This cute place in Boulder, has me looked up recipes to try that I've never attempted. Anyone know a good recipe for red Snapper? I had a red snapper taco & it was fabulous! Manico- I'll have to look it up again, something about rivers? I think - I follow rivers. Anyways, I wanted to play purple rain last night and my guy was like do we have to?! He had quite the displeased look on his face... So I'll save it for my car ! lol DH would have not wanted it either!

Purple Rain.... On my mind all day! Must play it once so it stops... But will it? Last week another song was stuck but all I could remember was the beat and a "sea monster"! I googled and tried different lyrics, etc.... I finally figured it out and there had nothing to do with sea monsters. No alcohol was involved, believe it or not! Next!

Soup sounds delish! Very sweet if you! I'm in! Ty

Too Funny! Yep a long time ago I managed a Sally Beauty Supply and we sold like 12+ different sizes of those! I moved last year, I have so many things I have no idea what they are. Many don't count since they were in the garage. The keys he kept fascinated me! How does he have so so many keys, there has got to be over 100! They aren't all from cars either. I started gathering them in a box in my new garage. I decided when I have time I am going to make a wind chime/ mobile type thing or some sort of artsy crafty thing. Go figure, huh!

Mancino, I poured ya a nice one in a big glass! Miss ya roomie!

Wifeless, You can really put meaning into words, so I am very certain they would spark emotion and deep thought. Mostly that's what all these "unposted words" I am referring to are such the same, something really deep and heart felt to me. The deep, deep stuff with so much meaning yet I delete it or cut it & mail to myself, which might as well be deleted. Equal to getting the emotion out by writing I play A LOT of music, I guess I always have but it brings so much new meaning now. The one artist that I picture myself as but with different lyrics is Alanis Morissette, screaming the painful words of life after the death of not only your best friend and spouse but myself as half of me is gone forever.

I didn't even think of FB but you're right! Crazy!

How many times have you wanted to start a topic that was really on your mind or answer to another post and you wrote it all out and never posted it, freaked out and deleted it or went back and edited it? For me I think it's more times then I actually really answered/posted. Sometimes it just felt good to get it written out, then I'd cut and paste it to an email to myself for another day...( I've never went back and read them!) Sometimes I'd get replies and feel so bad or embarrassed. When going through the old ones from ywbb, I felt so sorry for myself, I had to stop. Oh well, I am posting this one! You can just "like" mine if it sounds similar to you. Thanks! :-\

Rob- there's a few kinds back there but only the good stuff for you ;-) Have fun Maureen! Too intelligent of conversations would hurt my head tonight! Mokie, wow you have been busy! Dang girl this pulled pork is tasty! TY

I'm making myself a margarita, anyone need one? They're delish!

Thanks Mokie and yes, you have to try the chocolate beer! A dear friend of mine has apparently stepped in after she heard from the drama queen this afternoon and she was saying negative things about me. (At church no less) Amazing! She also blocked me now on FB because she says I'm monitoring her whereabouts. Yah right, like I care. I wrote her on FB PM to ask her to quit ignoring me and tell me when I can cash the check. Such a super stalker I am, huh! She owed me over $1,000 wrote a check and then sent me a message I can't cash it but she'll let me know when. Yah right! Pretty shady! I've asked Chuck, my DH to handle it. Hoping...

I recently moved 1200+ miles away from my home I shared with DH and the cemetery. I literally walked to it, it was about a half a mile away. I soon realized how much I hated him being there as a constant reminder when I drove anywhere. I started driving out of my way just to avoid being in the dumps or feeling guilty when I was going to see my boyfriend, thinking how is it ok your buried and dead and I'm driving to see another man and have a nice meal or spend the weekend. The worst was when I walked there and I saw the grass had sprouted they planted... Complete meltdown! Let's just say I was muddy from head to toe when I got home. It pains me now to even recall that night. I visit the grave when I'm in town but it still upsets me to think this is the real deal, he is truly 6 feet under my feet and well I am living my life with someone else that loves and appreciates me probably just as much as Chuck did. I also love my new guy but will always hate that DH is dead, buried so close to where we had so many wonderful memories... On the other hand my MIL goes often and decorates for every occasion. She then calls me to tell me like she did me a favor and it's an obligation she's taking care of, that I am not pulling my weight on. My 16 year old nephew takes pictures of himself with the headstone and puts it on FB. So, wether I want to go there or not, I'm strolling down FB and bam, there's the etchings I drew and had laser etched on, with his name, info and my name as his wife... Yep, this is our reality... I hate it every day, even 4 years later.

Thanks Mokie, the party must of moved elsewhere but it's fine, over the past 4 years drinking only is acceptable to me ;-) Whoever does the ordering might want to add tequila to the list... And double last weeks order! :-) My kindness is being mistaken for widda weakness by a drama queen, and on top of that somehow I managed to spraining my back last week... Well um maybe I'll switch to that chocolate beer stuff I bought last week. Sounds awful but tasty stuff it sure is!

Wow! Exactly what I needed, a Virtual widda bar! Don't have to worry about no one getting me, driving drunk or crying because someone was bitching about their husband being an asshole... Damn I need a Bago and a bottle of tequila! Sweet bar tender, tequila on the rocks please in a tall glass! Ty

Yesterday sucked so bad! Hitting 4 years of his death yesterday was by far the worst meltdowns in a very long time! I can't believe it seems to be getting worse. Just a bunch of triggers the past few days. Rough stuff this grief is... Such a crazy life.

After going through old ywbb posts, I don't care they weren't worth it as true friends then. I/we had/have a lot of friends. I've always been very social and outgoing. Rereading some old posts reminded me of how many people were jealous of me! It shook me to the core in some instances and in the past week it has really helped me realize the steps I've taken in my life, have in fact given me such a new lease on life for the better! I lost a lot of dead weight baggage holding me down. Now that I've re embraced life, opened my heart to my new guy and moved across the country together, things are so much better in prospective. It took ywbb closing down for me to go back and get the big picture! I wish no one the pain that we experienced but some people really have no clue the garbage they speak to us. I spoke on the phone today to my BFF and I explained it as we add more and more friends to our "pond" the waters get mucky and cloudy but the true ones shine even brighter, like diamonds and other precious gems. She liked that and she is a diamond of course Sandi

Wow! It was a little scary going back to the #1 post. I'm bringing the whole thread, since I only had 1 reply. It brought me back to my old screen name. I was so freaked about his family being pissed that I had life support removed, I was afraid they'd find me here. I was so sick then too. That year sucked. About a couple months in, and lots of hours with my wonderful chat wids, I became myself Thanks for welcoming me Maureen (Wheelerswife) I am so glad we even got to meet last year. You were my very first contact in the widda world, I'm glad I went back and looked. I remember you'd pop in and out of chat, always pm'ed me to see how things were going. Thanks from the bottom of my heart! I've met so many countless, sweet wids friends now, probably for the rest of our lives! Hugs to all! Sad thing I realized, my old tag line is no longer correct. I haven't spent over half of my life with him anymore. Weird. Sandi/Deb in the beginning ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hi Everyone, I am new to this forum, a forum 2 weeks ago I would have never went in search of and now I am so glad I found it. Life is just strange now. I have so many questions yet I mostly don't want to hear the answers. I have spent the last week very sick with bronchitis then pnuemonia, it is like my body is demanding attention and rest. I don't really blame it. My husband had a small surgery and all was great. Then when I thought we'd get to see him my life changed completely. The words didn't make any sense & I still have alot of unanswered questions. It was something to do with his heart, I had two choices to make for his survival and they needed my answer then. Life stood still for the wait to see if this would make him better, was I doing the right thing?! Each doctor came through and I asked a million questions, everyone was optimistic but nothing connected. Then a new specialist walked in and all I heard was 1%. His chances were 1%. 1% I hate that. After I had all the facts I asked for life support to be removed as it wasn't assisting to get him better, it was only keeping him living. He'd never be who he was again, only a shell of my wonderful handsome husband. He had severe brain stem damage, my baby didn't know me or even himself anymore! I had an uphill battle with his family who felt I was killing him because maybe he'd get better. There was nothing that waivered in my choice because he clearly told me his wishes. He also said he didn't want his mom & me sitting around crying over him. Thank god he told me so much, it helped me to be strong. Now I am a mess. Everyone is different & say bizarre things. His brother wants everything. When or will this get better? _________________________ Over half my life spent with my wonderful husband that made me feel so appreciated and loved each day. He always said when it's his time it's his time but why at 39?! #1005298 - 04/02/11 12:01 PM Re: 12 days & it so overwhelming [Re: Sandi1970] Wheelerswife Member Registered: 10/20/09 Posts: 2523 Loc: High Plains of Kansas Hi, Deb. I am so sorry you had to find us here. At the same time, I am glad you found us so soon. Welcome to the club, as we say, that nobody wants to join. That said...this is the greatest bunch of people you could want to meet. Right now it is all so raw and fresh and not much will make you feel better at this point. Right now...you just need to keep breathing. Seriously...I think we all had to be reminded to breath in the first weeks. Drink water, eat when you can, sleep when you can, take any help anyone wants to offer. This time is all about you. You are grieving and your grief is your own. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. Do NOT let anyone make you go through his things or throw things away. Everything that was his is now YOURS and in time...whether it be weeks or months or years, you can decide what should be done about his things. Come here often. Read, post, scream, vent, cry. We understand. I am so sorry..... Maureen _________________________ Wherever you go, I shall go..... My beloved Barry...11/29/55-9/22/09 You gave it everything you had. My polarbear....such a brilliant and beautiful man. 1/16/57-1/11/14 You had so much more to give, to learn, to teach.

I had 2 miscarriages and they said possibly a third. I checked out good and we started getting him checked out, that's when we his health problems started getting really bad. We wanted a son named after him Charles /Chuckie or a daughter named Amanda/Mandi. We too always had fur babies and still do. I feel bad sometimes, I was the planner. I wanted all my ducks in a row. Married, house, stable incomes, etc... He just wanted to have a kid when we got engaged(I 20, him 18) Sandi

100% Agreed! In fact, I'm coming up on 4 years and I still long to Bago and see my widdas! Nowhere else do I feel such peace and getting a hug from someone that totally gets what you're journey is... All priceless!

Thank you to all involved with putting this board together so swiftly! It was sad seeing so many wids sad. I kept thinking how many times ywbb helped me and then it being ripped away from someone newly on this hellish journey. This looks great! Thanks again! Sandi