lsi13

my love worked construction for 9 years...was always wearing carharrts and hi-vis t-shirts all day except weekends. i have them all in a box - he has a ton of coworkers that are his size and could probably use them but its almost been a year since i've left them folded nicely in a topless box next to my bed. i used to smell his old black baseball cap every day for a long time, never wanting the smell to fade. the rest of his clothes are still in his dresser where he left them..so many mixed emotions, but i know i need to get rid of it all. i always slept in his shirts so i'll be keeping a few...it is definitely an odd feeling. melani

This is my first post, glad to have found a forum like this because lately I've been needing to read and speak to others who have the pain I do... My love was taken from me 8/18/15 while we were riding our dirtbikes in the sand dunes on vacation. All of our friends were there, and one of his friends in a truck collided with him head-on, killing him. It was a freak accident, both came around the opposite corner too fast and when they tried to swerve they swerved the same way. Today is my birthday and I have uncontrollably been crying since the minute I woke up - I've survived his birthday, all the holidays and although they all hurt, today my heart is extra heavy. I went to work and couldn't keep it together (I am good at hiding it though, so there's a plus - not looking like an emotionally unstable widow in front of my boss and coworkers). I cried so hard driving home I thought I was going to get in an accident, and I didn't care. I am irritated at those around me who keep hassling me for not wanting to do anything on my birthday - why would I? Why does it matter so much to them on what I decide to do with my day? I just feel so empty, and there's no reason to celebrate me being a year older without him.