Reclaiming a place for me

[Jess]

I posted in General Discussion about my work triumph, but I didn't post about what happened after because I wanted to let it marinate in my mind for a while. So, after doing an awesome job in court, our company's General Counsel told me to take Friday off and do whatever I wanted and charge it to the company. The decision seemed clear- somehow I needed to make it to Disneyland and spend the day.

 

For most people, the only feelings of dread associated with a Disneyland trip are the prices, crowds, and subsequent lines for attractions. For me, it was those things (minus the expense) but also it was a favorite spot for me and LH. He even proposed there. After we got married, we took a cruise out of LA and made time beforehand to spend a day at Disneyland. I knew there was no way he would want that place wrecked for me, so I knew it was my time to try to take it back.

 

I found a bus service that would drop me off and pick me up, leaving me there for around 12 hours. I figured if it was too hard to be there, I could always take a long cab trip back to the hotel. I went ahead and booked it. Let me say, I am so glad I did! I haven't really felt LH with me for many months. But all that day, and I know this will sound so odd, I FELT him there with me. It didn't make me sad. Just the opposite, it made me happy. He was always really into the Haunted Mansion and so I tackled going on that ride right away. I remembered him telling me how he had loved it as a kid because because it was the first time he saw death as not being such a scary mystery. It comforted my heart.

 

I walked around and saw various places we had sat together and glimpsed us in my mind's eye just being happy and enjoying each other. I visited the spot where he proposed and took a picture that I will add to the bottom of this post. But probably the best thing that happened all day was when I got on the Buzz Lightyear ride. He was super into high score hacks and always wanted the ride to stop at one certain part where he could blast a high scoring target repeatedly until the ride started up again. It never stopped there for us, but on Friday it did and I blasted the crap out of that silly target! 

 

As I walked to the bus at the end of the day, my feet sore and with a bit of a sunburn, I knew that I had reclaimed that place for me. It was like taking one last trip there with him, and from here on out, bring on the new traditions and memories.

 

[BrokenHeart2]

Great post Jess. Thank you!  "Bring on the new traditions and memories". That's what I need to do too!

[Virgo]

I'm glad that you found comfort and joy there again!!

[Jen]

Oh, Jess, I'm so glad you got to go. I want to take the kids to Disneyland next year, if possible-- Jim and I never got to go together, we were planning to go to WDW with his parents last summer, but of course he didn't get to make that trip. We went, and it was a good trip-- especially the day we spent in Hollywood Studios, because of all the Star Wars stuff. Jim was a huge Star Wars fan, and I really felt as though he was with us that day.

 

If things had been different... if he hadn't been disabled, if there hadn't always been money concerns... we would've gotten married at WDW. We talked about having a "real wedding" there someday (we eloped), with all our family and the big white dress and carriage and everything. Silly princess-y dream that I knew perfectly well would never come true, but it was fun to think about... Whenever we bought a lottery ticket, the first thing on our to-do list if we won was, of course, GO TO DISNEY!!

 

Sorry, I'm just rambling now. I'm really happy that you had a good day there. So many hugs.