My lingering family drama

[Needytoo]

Hello everyone I need advice once again on something that keeps coming up in my life.  It is regarding my father.  I will try to give a very brief history on my problem.  Sorry about airing my family dirty laundry. 

 

Twenty one years ago my Mom passed away.  My Mother?s palliative care nurse told other nurses how she was going to marry my father.  Worse part was I knew about this but kept my mouth shut.  Little did I know a few months after my Mother?s passing she set out to snag my Dad.  Now I do understand especially now how lost my father must have felt.  Supposedly he felt suicidal and this woman was there to save him.  They were married 8 months after my Mom?s passing.  My sister and brother and I did not like her but we kept our mouths shut.   

 

Over the years this woman has push especially my sister and I out of my father?s life.  My brother who has a little more balls has pushed a little back but has struggled to keep his relationship with my father going.  Over the years my sister and I tried in our own way to talk to my father but nothing really worked.  Even after all the stuff his wife did to us we couldn?t be totally honest to him.  My father hasn?t seen my sister?s kids in twenty years. 

 

When my husband passed my father never came and never since came for a visit. I will admit I had huge anger issues because he did this.  The kids and I have gone down to visit him 3 times.  The last visit kind of put the nail in the coffin for me.  It was my father?s 81st birthday and my brother, sister and I were invited down.  Because her children were coming down we couldn?t stay at the house.  So the widow and her children had to pay for a hotel.  It actually was nice to stay in a hotel with my brother and sister we did have fun.  But the hotel wasn?t cheap.  My step mother told us when to come over for the birthday celebration.  I was waiting in the hotel room when I received a text message from my brother asking where I was because everyone was over there.  When we got there my sister asked why we were so late.  In front of all the guests I said we were told to come at this time.  My step mother with a huge smirk on her face even admitted she told us to come at a different time.  Everyone heard her say it and no one said anything.  The next day we went over to say good bye and deep down inside I thought this is the last time I will see my father alive because I just can?t put up with this woman again.  I completely surrender to everything.  She won she got us out of their lives. 

 

Since my father has developed Alzheimer?s so I feel I have lost any hope of resolving any issues with him.  He calls me once a week and I he use to just talk about himself and how wonderful his life is.  The last couple months I have noticed he is actually asking how kids and I are doing.  I just can?t share too much of my life with him.  I have closed him out.  My sister just went for a visit.  First time she actually spent a night in their house.  She said our step witch was very nice to them and encouraged them to come more often.  Maybe the bitch is coming around.  I amazed at my sister she was able to just forgive everything and move on.  She had extremely huge hatred towards the both of them as well.

 

Now for the slightly weird part, I have seen two psychics.  The first one picked up on my mother.  My Mom is so pissed at my father.  The psychic said she has never felt such anger; generally the spirits are happy when their love ones move on.  The next psychic I saw said there is an old man that is very unhappy and has been for years. That must be my father.  Now what do I do?  How do I put my personal issues aside and go on from here?  The thought of my mom in the after life and my father still alive and both being unhappy is a little unsettling.  I am trying to be more mindful and live in the present and not let past things affect me but lets face it are there things that just can't be forgiven.  Any advice because I am so deflated with all of this.   

 

[Lisa]

There is a good saying that after a lot of healing helped me with a pretty unforgivable situation.  "Forgiving is not forgetting.  It is remembering and letting go"

wishing you some peace.

[Needytoo]

Thank you Lisa.  I think you are right.  Maybe I am at the forgiving part.