what if you can't just take another minute of this

[donswife]

I thought i was strong enough to take this on

just so exhausted of this whole life of losing him

so yesterday was our 24 th anniversary ,handled that well but today it was like a wrecking ball on my heart

the fact Don isn't here destroys me

I don't understand why he is gone , the tears keep coming and I want them to stop

once again like the rest of you I will go to bed (well not really sleep )

and get up and honor his name but i so wish he was here

just needed to say this

 

 

[Guest Lost35]

I just wanted to say, I hear you.  The love you have is evident in all your posts.  My heart breaks for you and I hope that tomorrow will be better than today...

 

Take care,

 

-L.

[widowat33]

((Donswife))

Sometimes the anniversaries aren't as bad as the build up to the day, or in some cases the day after. My counselor told me the firsts would be hard..I felt like saying "yes, of course but don't you understand every day is hard."  After all we don't only think about them on those special days, but they are always on our minds, and the loss of them is always present, not just on Christmas, birthdays,etc.. I know personally I had more support on those "firsts" then the next day life was back to normal, well for everyone but me. Some days are simply just harder than others, also hoping for a better day for you tomorrow!

[Trying]

I often find the day after a significant day is the hardest.  We prepare ourselves for that day and when we make it through it we realize there is no prize on the other side.  They are still gone, we still miss them, our lives are still,changed forever.

 

Let the tears come, some times they need to so you can pick yourself up after. I think of it like a cleansing, it leaves you feeling completely drained and the process is very unpleasant but the next day you feel like you are starting off a little lighter.

 

(((Dons wife)))

[donswife]

thank you all

I am up and I will think of the tears as cleansing

amazing how they just come out , different kind of tears i notice ,

like they have a mind of their own and won't stop till they are ready 

I am at a cottage on the lake with the dog till friday 

I knew i needed it this week

my niece is on her way here and my sister and brother in law right behind her

so will start the fun part of being on the lake

thanks again , this is so much easier when I know I am not feeling this alone

 

[Jess]

I hope you have some fun at the lake. Sometimes the tears are cleansing and I feel much better after I let them out. It sounds like you are in a beautiful place right now which makes me happy for you.

[DavidsKtBeth]

Just wanted to send you hugs

[Jen]

Hugs and more hugs... I wish I had more, I wish I could make it better. Feeling the pain with you.  :-[

[Guest DebW]

I think the lead up to important dates is worse than the actual day itself. This weekend it will be my daughter's 11th birthday and also Father's Day - on the same day, a double whammy. I've had a terrible week, last night I just couldn't stop crying and felt beside myself with pain, anguish and despair. I cried so much I made myself sick. But I know we will have a nice weekend and hopefully will be able to have some special time together, it's just the thought of facing everything on my own.

[BrokenHeart2]

I hear you and had a very rough one yesterday. Just knocked me down out of the blue. I hope you have a nice weekend at the cottage.  Hugs

[donswife]

Ended up being having a better day after the sadness and frustration of just all of this

still not going to lie ,hated every minute of Don not being here , he would've have loved it

He would have napped under the trees by the lake

I did end up having a good time with my family , friends and dog

and couldn't ask for better weather and red sunsets

 

[Guest TooSoon]

Glad to hear you found some solace.  I'm having one of those days today.  My daughter was sent home sick after 3 hours on her first day of 3rd grade on Tuesday.  She's been very sick ever since and I've had to scramble to meet commitments at work and reschedule things to accommodate her not being at school/aftercare.  So overwhelming as we are literally JUST starting the new school year and already it is a struggle to juggle it all. 

 

Tonight she came to me and climbed in my lap, tears streaming, and said, "I miss my Daddy."  And my house of cards (and I know deep down it is really not a house of cards but how quickly it can FEEL like it is) fell apart with that one sentence and all of the parenting worry rushed in again like a tidal wave.  I haven't broken down in a long time (and granted there could be some hormones involved here (sorry, TMI?)) but unwelcome! and no thank you! and why must this be such a cluster sometimes?!  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[MrsDan]

When I have those thoughts, like I literally can't take another 5 seconds, I try to focus on the fact that those five seconds have passed. And they'll continue to do so.

 

Personally, I don't get the whole lead up being worse thing. For me, the actual day sucks the hardest balls. There is more of a build up with the anniversary of his death, because my head goes back to the horrible days that preceded it. But the actual day is the worst. And this year I have to work. Always vowed that I wouldn't, but I absolutely can't get around it. Hope everyone's prepared for me to be a royal fucking bitch that day.

[lcoxwell]

I am so very glad that the day ended up being better than you had initially thought, and that you found some solace. I am also so very sorry that your Don could not be there to celebrate the day with you.

 

Personally, I would have to agree with MrsDan. I have seen it discussed, many times, that the build up was worse than the actually day. For me, the buildup is often completely miserable, and the actual day just leaves me feeling so lost and empty. Thankfully, I am feeling less empty, since I moved, but I still have those days. (((Hugs)))

[DonnaP]

Donswife,

 

Sorry I did not see this when you originally posted. I am not on the board as much as I once was. That being said, I totally understand where you are coming from... being over five years out, I still get torn up around certain dates (his birthday, our anniversary, etc.). It's understandable and you should not criticize yourself for feeling the way you feel.

 

I have come to realize that tears are cleansing. We need to let them come. They are exhausting too, so give yourself a break and rest as needed. The emotional turmoil this takes on our lives is huge. Some days we have more strength than others.

 

HUGS to you today!

DonnaP